The main character didn't know how to relate to people. He felt like in order to fit in he had to be something he wasn't and agree with people when he didn't. He felt like he somehow was born without an essential understanding of society that everyone else seems to have had. So he pretended to be happy and understanding while trying to destroy himself. He acted human, but felt he was not one. And the more he did the less he felt human. In order to cope with his sense of otherness he drank and tried to end his life multiple times much like the author did. The first person point of view and the blunt way the subject matter is handled... Well, the guy was talking about suicide the way we talk about the weather. This is fiction, but barely fiction.