Jokes
- Thread starter days be strange
- Start date
-
This message board permanently closed on June 30th, 2020 at 4PM EDT and is no longer accepting new members.
A Canadian guy, an American guy, a Japanese guy, and a Middle Eastern guy walk into a bar.
They all have a couple of beers, and get to bragging.
The American guy boasts, "I'm so lucky, I have 4 beautiful children, one more and I would have a basketball team."
Not to be outdone, the Canadian guy retorts, "I am luckier than you, I have 5 gifted children, one more and I could form a hockey team."
So, the Japanese guy chimes in with, "Well, I surely have both of you topped. I have 8 children. Just one more and I would have a baseball team."
Pausing briefly, the Middle Eastern guy then replies,
They all have a couple of beers, and get to bragging.
The American guy boasts, "I'm so lucky, I have 4 beautiful children, one more and I would have a basketball team."
Not to be outdone, the Canadian guy retorts, "I am luckier than you, I have 5 gifted children, one more and I could form a hockey team."
So, the Japanese guy chimes in with, "Well, I surely have both of you topped. I have 8 children. Just one more and I would have a baseball team."
Pausing briefly, the Middle Eastern guy then replies,
"Well, I am betting I have all you fools beat. My harem houses 17 wives, one more and I would have a golf course!".
I've seen Drop Dead Fred!
If you want to see loads of extra LARGE women in extra SMALL spandex, go there on the FIRST of the month!Sooooo true!!
If you want to see loads of extra LARGE women in extra SMALL spandex, go there on the FIRST of the month!
Ha ha! GNT had a post quite a while back about women in animal prints who are larger than the animals whose print they are wearing! You see a LOT of that at Walmart too!
Elephants in LEOPARD print!Ha ha! GNT had a post quite a while back about women in animal prints who are larger than the animals whose print they are wearing! You see a LOT of that at Walmart too!
Last edited:
how to make a ponytail (dad version) 
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it just died.
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor."
She asks....
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor."
She asks....
"How often do I have to do that?"
Three men die and go to heaven.
At the pearly gates, St. Peter tells them that he will ask each of them a question and that their answer will determine how they will get around in heaven.
He asks the first man, “Have you ever cheated on your wife?” The man answers, “No, never!” St. Peter says, “Good man, I will give you a Ferrari for your loyalty.”
St. Peter then asks the second man, “Have you ever cheated on your wife?” The man answers, “I did once and regret it to this day!” St. Peter says, “I hear your regret. Take this Honda Civic.”
St. Peter then asks the third man, “Have you ever cheated on your wife?” The man answers, “Many times. What can I say, I just love women!” St. Peter says, “You are honest. Take this scooter. At least you won’t have to walk.”
So the third man is riding around on his scooter when he sees the first man’s Ferrari pulled over to the side of the road. He sees the man, crying, and asks, “What’s wrong?”
The first man replies, “I just saw my wife on a bicycle.”
At the pearly gates, St. Peter tells them that he will ask each of them a question and that their answer will determine how they will get around in heaven.
He asks the first man, “Have you ever cheated on your wife?” The man answers, “No, never!” St. Peter says, “Good man, I will give you a Ferrari for your loyalty.”
St. Peter then asks the second man, “Have you ever cheated on your wife?” The man answers, “I did once and regret it to this day!” St. Peter says, “I hear your regret. Take this Honda Civic.”
St. Peter then asks the third man, “Have you ever cheated on your wife?” The man answers, “Many times. What can I say, I just love women!” St. Peter says, “You are honest. Take this scooter. At least you won’t have to walk.”
So the third man is riding around on his scooter when he sees the first man’s Ferrari pulled over to the side of the road. He sees the man, crying, and asks, “What’s wrong?”
The first man replies, “I just saw my wife on a bicycle.”
A man checks into a Hotel for the first time in his life, and goes up to his room.
Five minutes later he calls the Front Desk and say, "You've given me a room with no exit. How do I leave?"
The Desk Clerk says, "Sir, that's absurd. Have you looked for the door?"
The man says, " Well, there's one door that leads to the bathroom. There's a second door that goes into the closet. And there's a door I haven't tried, but it has a....
Five minutes later he calls the Front Desk and say, "You've given me a room with no exit. How do I leave?"
The Desk Clerk says, "Sir, that's absurd. Have you looked for the door?"
The man says, " Well, there's one door that leads to the bathroom. There's a second door that goes into the closet. And there's a door I haven't tried, but it has a....
'Do Not Disturb' sign on it."
At breakfast, the husband says to his wife "What would you do if I won the Lotto?" " I'd take half and leave you" she says. "Great" he says. "Here $6. I won $12 yesterday! Stay in touch".
A proud new father sits down with his dad to have a drink.
"Well son, now that you have a son of your own its time I gave you something."
"Dad you dont mea-"
"Yes I do. You've earned it." Says the father as he passes a copy of '1001 Dad Jokes 5th Edition' to the son.
"Dad I dont know what to say...I'm honored."
"Hi honored," Replies the father. "I'm dad."
"Well son, now that you have a son of your own its time I gave you something."
"Dad you dont mea-"
"Yes I do. You've earned it." Says the father as he passes a copy of '1001 Dad Jokes 5th Edition' to the son.
"Dad I dont know what to say...I'm honored."
"Hi honored," Replies the father. "I'm dad."
I have a bumper sticker that says
"Honk if you think I'm sexy."
Then I wait at green lights till I feel better about myself.
"Honk if you think I'm sexy."
Then I wait at green lights till I feel better about myself.
That is so bad that it's good!