Parodies (Spoilers for DT 1-7, Stand)

[LadyHitchhiker]

Leaving on a jet plane parody
All my drugs are packed
I’m ready to go
Got a tourist shirt to cover the load
I have no one to wake to say goodbye
And my heart is achin
It’s early morn
The taxis waitin
He’s blowin his horn
Already I’m so jonesing
I could die

So see me and smile for me
Tell me that you’ll wait on me
And to this world I never will let go
cause I’m leavin on a jet plane
Don’t know when I will land again
Oh man, I hate to go

There’s so many times that I’ve come down
So many times I’ve messed around
I tell you now, life don’t mean a thing
Evry place I go, Ill think of you
Evry song I sing, Ill sing for you
When I come back, I’ll have my own drug ring

So see me and smile for me
Tell me that you’ll wait on me
And to this world I never will let go
cause I’m leavin on a jet plane
Don’t know when I will land again
Oh man, I hate to go

Now the time has for Roland to meet you
One more time
Let me see you
Then close my eyes
We’ll be on our way
Dream about the days to come
When I won’t have my drugs to cope
For how long a time, I wont have to say

So see me and smile for me
Tell me that you’ll wait on me
And to this world I never will let go
cause I’m leavin on a jet plane
Don’t know when I will land again
Oh man, I hate to go

But, I’m leavin on a jet plane
Don’t know when I will land again
Oh man, I hate to go


All I want for christmas is you parody
I don't want a lot from Gilead
There is just one thing I need
I don’t care who you tie and burn
To the Charyu tree
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want from Gilead is you

I don't want a lot from Gilead
There is just one thing I need
I don’t care who you tie and burn
To the Charyu tree

I don't need to hang my pistol
There in my holster
Gunnas won’t make me happy
As a toy on Christmas day

I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want from Gilead is you

I won't ask for much from Gilead
I won't even wish for snow
And I, I just wanna keep on waiting
In this bonfire’s glow

I won't make a list and send it
Ask for astin so I won’t be sick
I won't even stay awake
To hear those magic triggers click

Cause I just want you here tonight
Holding onto me so tight
What more can I do
Oh baby, all I want from Gilead is you

All the stars are shining
So brightly everywhere
And the sound of Roland’s
Laughter fills the air

And everyone is singing
I hear those blaine’s wheels spinning
Walter won't you bring me
The one I really need
Won't you please bring my baby to me, quickly

I don't want a lot from Gilead
This is all I'm asking for
I just wanna see my baby
Standing right outside the door

I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
Baby, all I want from Gilead is you

All I want from Gilead is you, baby

Janie's got a gun parody
Janie's Got A Gun Parody
Dum, dum, dum, honey what have you done
Dum, dum, dum, it's the sound of my gun
Dum, dum, dum, honey what have you done
Dum, dum, dum, it's the sound, it's the sound...
Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah....

S’zanna’s got a gun
Szanna’s got a gun
All the worlds’ve come undone
Can’t plot the days by the sun
What did that bad guy do?
Throw a brick right on you?

You know he never got arrested
He threw the kid into a cab
But man, he had it comin'
Now that S’zanna’s got a gun
She ain't never gonna let ‘im be bad

S’zanna’s got a gun
S’zanna’s got a gun
Her dog day's just begun
Now everybody is on the run
Tell her now it's untrue
What did that bad guy do?

He jacked the little bitty baby
The man drove her quite insane
They say that Walter made him blunder
The lightnin' and the thunder
Knew that someone had to start the pain

Run away, run away from the pain
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

Run away, run away from the pain
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Run away, run away, run, run away

S’zanna’s got a gun
S’zanna’s got a gun
Her dog day's just begun
Now everybody is on the run
Tell me it's not true
It's S’zanna’s last I.O.U.

She had to take him down easy
And put a bullet in his brain
She said 'cause nobody believes me
The man made me a sleeze
He ain't never gonna be the same

Run away, run away from the pain
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Run away, run away from the pain
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Run away, run away, run, run away

S’zanna’s got a gun
S’zanna’s got a gun
S’zanna’s got a gun
Everybody is on the run

S’zanna’s got a gun
Her dog day's just begun
Now everybody's on the run (Honey, honey what's your problem)
'Cause S’zanna’s got a gun (Tell me it ain't right)
S’zanna’s got a gun (Was it bad guy’s head lobbin')
Her dog day's just begun (That made you scream at night)
Now everybody's on the run
S’zanna’s got a gun

[LadyHitchhiker]

You fill up my senses parody
Like Shardik in the forest
Like the mountains mute’s springtime
Like Zoltan in the rain
Like a mule in the desert
Lobstrosity oceans
You fill up my pistol
Come fill me again

Come let me find you
Let me give my life for you
Let me drown in your laughter
Let me die in your path
Let me lay down beside you
Let me always be with you
Come let me find you
Come circle again

Let me give my life for you
Come let me find you
Come circle again

You fill up my senses
Like Shardik in the forest
Like the mountain mute’s springtime
Like a Zoltan in the rain
Like a mule in the desert
Lobstrosity oceans
You fill up my pistol
Come fill me again

Umbrella parody
Ahuh Ahuh (Yea Callahan)
Ahuh Ahuh (Good man gone bad)
Ahuh Ahuh (Draw three... Action)
Ahuh Ahuh

No clouds in my paths
Let it rain, I shoot straight even with blanks
Eddie’s coming down with the Jones
When the clouds path‘s not gone, we give’em hella
We fly faster than weather
And Blaine is better, You know me,
an anticipation, for inspiration. Stocked chips for the rainy day
Jake, Roland is back with little Ms. Sunshine
Callahan where you at?

You have my heart
And we'll never be worlds apart
Maybe shoot magazines
But you'll still be my star
Baby cause in here hark
You can't see shiny cars
And that's when you need beware
With you I'll always share
Because

[Chorus]
When the sun shines, we’ll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be your friend
Took an oath I'ma stick it out till the end
Now it's raining more than ever
But we'll still have each other
You can stand with my billybumbler
You can stand with my billybumbler
(Eller eller eh eh eh)
With my billybumbler
(eller eller eh eh)
With my billybumbler
(eller eller eh eh)
With my billybumbler
(eller eller eh eh eh eh eh eh)

The tower you see, will never come in between
You're part of my entity, here for Infinity
When the world has took it's part
When the worlds have dealt their cards
If the hands are hard, together we'll mend your heart
Because

[Chorus]
When the boy dies, we’ll die together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be a friend
Took an oath I'ma stick it out till the end
Now that we’re slaying more than ever
Know that we'll still have each other
You can stand with my billybumbler
You can stand with my billybumbler
(Eller eller eh eh eh)
With my billybumbler
(eller eller eh eh)
With my billybumbler
(eller eller eh eh)
With my billybumbler
(eller eller eh eh eh eh eh eh)

You can run into my arms
It's okay don't be alarmed
Come into me
There's no tower in between our love
So go on and let the pain pour
I'll be all you need and more
Because

[Chorus]
When the boy dies, we’ll die together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be a friend
Took an oath I'ma stick it out till the end
Now that we’re slaying more than ever
Know that we'll still have each other
You can stand with my billybumbler
You can stand with my billybumbler
(Eller eller eh eh eh)
With my billybumbler
(eller eller eh eh)
With my billybumbler
(eller eller eh eh)
With my billybumbler
(eller eller eh eh eh eh eh eh)

It's paining
Ooh baby it's paining
Boy come to me
Come into me
It's raining
Oh boy I’m paining

Parody of Filter's Hey Man Nice Shot
I wish I'd followed you
Now its a little late
What you could've taught me
I could've seen my father's face
They think that there's a happy ending
Well that's wrong
For the most part they're right
But look how they all got strong
That's why I say Roland nice shot
What a good shot man
Roland
Has gun
Hey man
Have fun
Nice shot
Now that Mordred's gone
And the air is all clear
Those who stayed right there
Got a new kind of fear
You'd fight and you were right
But they want to belong
They'd stick it in your face
And let you think what they consider wrong
That's why I say Roland nice, nice shot
What a good shot man
Roland
Has gun
Hey man
Have fun
Nice shot
I wish I'd followed you
I wish I'd followed you
I'd say
Nice shot

[LadyHitchhiker]

Something to Believe in

Well I see him in the desert
Preachin bout the promised land
Brown tells me to believe in Jesus
And steals the dreams from my head

Some say he was a good man
But lord I think he sinned, yeah

Many forgotten years of mental tears
From a newly formed ka-tet
Who saw Roland losing fingers on a foreign shore
and find his home would never see him back

His travels took his hawk in his test for manhood
Fire took his wife and that's his one regret
In a time he can't remember
On a quest he can't forget

He cried forgive me for what I've done there
Cause I never meant the things I did

Chorus:
And give me something to believe in
If theres a tower ahead
And give me something to believe in
Oh, lord arise

His last girl died a sad woman
After loving her in her room
Something now he still can't believe
It should have been all over the news

He tried all night not to break down and cry
As the tears never stained his face
He felt so cold and empty
Like a lost soul out of place

And the mirror, mirror on the wall
Sees my smile fade again

Chorus
And give me something to believe in
If theres a tower ahead
And give me something to believe in
Oh, lord arise

Sometimes I wish to Gan I didnt know now
The things I didn't know then
Road you gotta take me home

Solo

I drive by the low people sleeping on a cold dark street
Like bodies in an open grave
Underneath the broken old neon sign
That used to read jesus saves

A mile away live the Luddite folk
And I see how theyre living it up
While the pubes they eat from hand to mouth
They think they're drinkin from a golden cup

And it just makes me wonder
Why so many lose, so few win

And give me something to believe in
If theres a tower ahead
And give me something to believe in
Oh, lord arise

You take the high road
And Ill take the low road

Sometimes I wish to Gan I didnt know now
The things I didnt know then

And give me something to believe in

Oops I did it again parody
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
I think I dropped him again
I made him believe we were more than just friends
Oh Jakey
It might seem like your trust
is something I take as serious
but I put up my defenses
and I am just typically me
Oh Jakey, Jakey,

Chorus:
Oops!...I dropped him again
I played with his heart, got lost in the game
Oh Jakey, Jakey
Oops!...he thinks that I'm in it for love
That I'm sent from above
I'm not that innocent

You see my problem is this
I'm running away
Wishing the tower will truly exist
I cry, watching the days
Can't you see I'm a fool in so many ways
But to put up all my defenses
That is just so typically me
Jakey, oh

Chorus:
Oops!...I dropped him again
I played with his heart, got lost in the game
Oh Jakey, Jakey
Oops!...he thinks that I'm in it for love
That I'm sent from above
I'm not that innocent

Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

Oops!...i dropped him again he fell apart
Got lost in this game, oh Jakey
Oops!...you think that I'm in it for love!
I'm not that innocent
[Double Post]
I Fought The Law (and the Law Won) by Bobby Fuller, 1965
I lost my fingers in the hot sun
I fought the Ka and the Ka won
I fought the Ka and the Ka won
I needed money and Eddie had some
I fought the Ka and the Ka won
I fought the law and the law won
I miss her wheelchair and I feel so bad I guess my race is run
Well she's the best girl that I ever had
I fought the ka and the ka won
I fought the ka and the ka won
Robbing people with a six gun
I fought the Ka and the Ka won
I fought the Ka and the Ka won
I miss my baby and I miss fun
I fought the Ka and the Ka won
I fought the Ka and the Ka won
I miss her wheelchair and I feel so bad I guess my race is run
Well she's the best girl that I ever had
I fought the Ka and the Ka won
I fought the Ka and the Ka won

Phantom of the Opera Parody
LADYHITCHHIKER
In sleep
he came to me,
in dreams
he sang . . .
that voice
which calls to me
screeches
my name . . .
And do
I dream again?
For now
I find
the Mordred of the Opera
is there -
inside my mind . . .
MORDRED
Sing once
again with me
this strange
duet . . .
My power
over you
grows stronger
yet . . .
And though
you turn from me,
to save
your mind,
the Mordred of the Opera
is there -
inside your mind . . .
LADYHITCHHIKER
Those who
have seen your face
draw back
in fear . . .
I am
the mask you wear . . .
Mordred
It's me
they hear . . .
BOTH
The red and white is there
in one
combined:
the Mordred of the Opera
is there
inside your/my mind . . .
OFFSTAGE VOICES
He's there,
the Mordred of the Opera . . .
Beware
the Mordred of the Opera . . .
Mordred
In all
your fantasies,
you always
knew
you yearnd for mystery
LADYHITCHHIKER
. . they're both
in you . . .
BOTH
And in
this other world,
where night
is blind,
the Mordred of the Opera
is there/here
inside your/my mind . . .
Sing, my Angel of Music!
LADYHITCHHIKER
He's there,
the Mordred of the Opera . . .

[LadyHitchhiker]

To tune of Uptown girl
Keystone world
Eddie's been living his uptight world
I bet he's never seen a bada$$ guy
I bet his mama told you why

I'm gonna try to go to keystone world
She's been living in her white bread world
As long as anyone with hot blood can
And now shes wheeling for a downtown man
I'll be the man

And when she knows what
Place to go and what time
And when she wakes up
And makes up her mind

She'll see it's not rough
Just because
she's stuck in a keystone world
You know I've seen her in her uptown world
Shes getting tired of her high class toys
And no billybumblers named Oy
Shes got a choice

Keystone world
You know I cant afford to buy any pearls
But maybe someday when my ship comes in
She'll understand what kind of guy I've been
And then I'll win

And when she's wheeling
Shes looking so fine
And when shes reeling
She'll say that she's mine

She'll see it's not rough
Just because
she's stuck in a keystone world
You know I've seen her in her uptown world
As long as anyone with hot blood can
And now shes wheeling for a downtown man
I'll be the man

Keystone world
Shes in keystone world
You know I'm gonna go
to keystone world

My keystone world
Dont you know that's where my love
is in keystone world
My keystone world
Dont you know that's where my love
is in keystone world


TEACH YOUR CHILDREN WELL PARODY
You who are on the road
Must have a code that you can live by
And so become yourself
Because the past is just a good bye.

Teach your ka-tet well,
And Roland's hell did slowly go by,
And feed them on your dreams
The one they picked, the one you'll go by.

Don't you ever ask them why, if they told you, you would die,
So just look at them and sigh and know they love you.

And you, of tender years,
Can't know the fears that your elders grew by,
And so please help them with your youth,
They seek the tower before they can die.

Teach your ka-tet well,
Their own dear hell will slowly go by,
And feed them on your dreams
The one they picked, the one you'll know by.

Don't you ever ask them why, if they told you, they would die,
So just look at them and sigh and know they love you.


Journey's End parody
original artist Clannad

Journey's End
Blue eyes are rolling
Visions in my mind
Of a strange voice calling
Journey's at an end, journey's at an end
Journey's at an end, journey's at an end

Hear my old heart sinking
Voices ringing clear
Farewell from my kindred
And friends I love so dear, and friends I love so dear
Journey's at an end, journey's at an end

Lost dreams are fading
I know of those I've failed
And with overwhelming deserts I know
To bring me back again, to bring me back again
Journey's at an end, journey's at an end

Long have I traveled
In storm, in the sun, in the rain
And it's Susannah singing
Journey's at an end, journey's at an end

Journey's at an end, journey's at an end
Journey's at an end, journey's at an end

[LadyHitchhiker]

parody of Get It On by T. Rex

Well you're dirty and stink
Man in Black don't look back and I loathe you
You're dirty and stink, oh yeah
Well you're mean and you're weak
You've got the succubus getting upon you
You're dirty stink you want all worlds

Get a gun, sing a song, get it on
Get a gun, bang a song, get it on

Well you're gonna go far
You've got a black cape ain't wearing a halo
You're gonna go real far, oh yeah
Well you're untamed uncouth
That's the truth with your cloak full of secrets
You're dirty stink You want all worlds

Get a gun, sing a song, get it on
Get a gun, sing a song, get it on

You're real mean you're wild
You've got the black in your heart and you're a meany
You like to throw away childs, oh yeah
Well you're gonna go far
You've got a black cap ain't wearing no halo
You're dirty stink you want all worlds

Get a gun, sing a song, get it on
Get a gun, sing a song, get it on - ooh

Well you're dirty and stink
Clad in black, don't look back and I loathe you
You're dirty and stink oh yeah
Well you dance when you walk
So let's dance, take a chance, combat me
You're dirty stink you want all worlds

Get a gun, sing a song, get it on
Get a gun, sing a song, get it on - ow
Get a gun, sing a song, get it on - ow - get it on - mh

Get a gun, sing a song, get it on
Get a gun, sing a song, get it on
Get a gun, sing a song, get it on
Get a gun, sing a song, get it on - a-a-a-a
Get a gun, bang a song, get it on - a-a-a-a
Take me, for a meanwhile I'm still drinking ....


Parody of Weird Al Yankovic's Virus Alert

Hey, everyone, listen up, your attention if you please
We wanna give you a warning
'Cause I found out this morning
About a dangerous, insidious computer virus
If you should get it, an email with the subject, '8 19'
Better off protecting your chances
Under no circumstances, should you open it
Or else it will

Translate Stephen King into Swahili
Transform all his stories into "Gigli"
Wreck your head, Tell you about the Crimson King
Look out!
It's gonna make your computer screen freeze
Look out!
Ruin the ending to all King's movies
Look out!
Mess up your hard drive and your backups too
And the hard drive of anyone related to you

Spoiler alert!
Delete immediately before someone gets hurt!
Forward this message on to everybody

Soon, very soon, it will make doors to new worlds open in your walls
It'll make spiders seem icky
Give your poodle a hickey
And invest your cash in stock in hot pink leggings
Then, it will tie up your phone, making prank long-distance calls
It'll set your clocks back an hour and start clogging the shower
So just trash it now, or else it will

Decide to give you a permanent wedgie,
Get rid of all of your food except for veggies
Even mess up the pH balance in your poo

Look out!
You'll learn about O'dim's face melted into a skull
Look out!
And leak out Spoilers about the town named Tull
Look out!
And tell you knock-knock jokes while you're trying to sleep
Look out!
And make Jon physically attracted to sheep
Look out!
Make you refer to all men as pards
Look out!
Infect your world with mutie cards
Look out!
Then cause major rifts in all time and space
And leave a bunch of Mars Bars wrappers all over the place
That's right it's a

Spoiler alert!
Delete immediately before someone gets hurt!
Forward this message on to everybody

Spoiler alert!
Delete immediately before someone gets hurt!
Forward this message on to everybody
Warn all your friends, send this to everybody
Tell everyone you know, tell everybody now

If you get infected, you'll wish you had never been born
So before it emails your grandmother all Allhail's porn
Turn off your computer and make sure it powers down
Drop it in a forty-three-foot hole in the ground
Bury it completely; in Boulder Colorado should be fine
Then burn all the clothes you may have worn any time you were online!

Spoiler alert!
Delete immediately before someone gets hurt!
Forward this message on to everybody

Spoiler alert!
Delete immediately before someone gets hurt!
Forward this message on to everybody

Spoiler alert!
Delete immediately before someone gets hurt!
Forward this message on to everybody
Warn all your friends, send this to everybody
Tell everyone you know, tell everybody now
What are you waiting for?
Just hurry up and forward this to every single person that you know!
Hit send right now!

[ExcerptsFromATatteredMind]

Since we are doing parodies, I thought we could have fun with this setup.

I'm sure most are familiar with the Bud Light Presents (real men of genius, real american heroes, etc) commercials on the airwaves. Here's my version:

Bud Light Presents: Real Men of Gilead

Bud Light presents: Real Men of Gilead
(Real men of Gilead!)
Today we salute you Mr. Relentless Gunslinging Dark Tower Pursuer
(Mr. Relentless Gunslinging Dark Tower Pursuer!)
Wielding the Sandalwood Gripped Guns of Your Father, you are a force to be reckoned with
(Hail of bullets fury!)
Who wants to negotiate when you can put Hard Calibers right between someone’s eyes?
(Watch those brains fly! Ooh Ooh!)
You keep accumulating new companions from different When’s and Where’s
(Don’t forget the Tooterfish!)
Your friends jokes may make you laugh, until the lobstrosities barrel around the corner…
(Where’s my fingers?)
Take my extra gun and shoot, For Your Father’s Sake!
(But with Your Heart, not with The Gun!)
So crack open an Ice Cold Bud Light, Mr. Relentless Gunslinging Dark Tower Pursuer
Because even in our darkest times of need, we can always count on your to let us die for your D*mn Tower.

THAT WAS ABSOLUTELY HYSTERICAL!

Oh man, I can hear the cheesy 80's rocker calling out "With your heart, not with the gun!"

I love those commercials, and yours trumps them all.