Parodies (Spoilers for DT 1-7, Stand)

[LadyHitchhiker]

I thought that we could share parodies that we have made! Just to warn you, a lot of mine contain spoilers, and are almost all dark tower related, so be careful when you're reading! Ms. Mod is allowing me to share, and I am overexcited! Ms. Mod suggested I start with 5 but there's not room for 5, so here's 2 of my favorites that I wrote (it was hard to choose), and more to come later!:

I would do anything for Los, But I Won't do that to tune of And I Would Do Anything For Love But I Won't Do That
And I would do anything for Los, I'd run right into hell and back
I would do anything for Los, I'll never lie to you or break my pact
But I'll never forget the way you make me feel right now, oh no, no way
And I would do anything for Los, but I won't do that, I won't do that
Anything for Los, oh I would do anything for Los
I would do anything for Los, but I won't do that, oh I won't do that

Some days I can't be easy, and some days you can't be hard
Some days we don't come at all, and these are the days that never end
Some nights you're breathing fire, and some nights I'm carved in ice
Some nights we're changing the world into what we want it be again

Maybe I'm crazy, but it's crazy and it's true
I know you can save me, no one else can save me now but you

As long as the beams are breaking, as long as the Earth is shaking
As long our dreams are coming true, you better believe it

That I would do anything for Los, and I'll be there til the final act
I would do anything for Los, and I'll take a vow and seal a pact

But I'll never forgive myself if we don't break a beam tonight
And I would do anything for Los, oh I would do anything for Los
Oh I would do anything for Los, but I won't do that, no I won't do that

I would do anything for Los, anything you've been dreaming of
But I just won't do that
(repeats 3x)

(Solo)

Some days I pray for silence, some days I pray for your soul
Some days I just pray to the God of Sex and Drums and Discordia
Some nights I lose all feeling, and some nights I lose control
Some nights I just lose it all when I watch you dance and the thunder rolls

Maybe I'm lonely and just a lonely llama fox Taheen
There's just one and only, the one and only promise I can really mean

As long as the wheels of Anti-Ka are turning, as long as the fire inside me's burning
As long as your plans are coming true, you better believe it

That I would do anything for Los, and you know it's true and that's a fact
I would do anything for Los, and there'll never be no turning back

But I'll never break better than I break with you, so long, so long
And I would do anything for Los, oh I would do anything for Los
I would do anything for Los, but I won't do that, no no no I won't do that

I would do anything for Los, anything you've been dreaming of
But I just won't do that
(repeats 7x)

But I'll never stop dreaming of you every night of my life, no way

And I would do anything for Los, oh I would do anything for Los
I would do anything for Los, but I won't do that, no I won't do that

[Girl:] Will you raise me up, will you help me from being down?
Will you get me right out of this Godforsaken town?
Will you make it all a little less cold?

[Boy:] I can do that! I can do that!

[Girl:] Will you hold me sacred? Will you hold me tight?
Can you colorize my life, I'm so sick of red and white?
Can you make me feel a little less old?

[Boy:] I can do that! Oh oh, now I can do that!

[Girl:] Will you make me some magic, with your own two hands?
Can you build a tower before me with these grains of sand?
Can you give me something I can call home?

[Boy:] I can do that! Oh oh now, I can do that!

[Girl:] Will you cater to every fantasy I got?
Will ya hose me down with holy water, if I get too hot?
Will you take me places I've never known?

[Boy:] I can do that! Oh oh now, I can do that!

[Girl:] After a while you'll forget everything
It was a brief interlude and a midsummer night's fling
And you'll see that it's time for the world to move on

[Boy:] I won't do that! No I won't do that!

[Girl:] I know the territories, I've been around
It'll all turn to dust and we'll all fall down
And sooner or later, you'll be screwing around

[Boy:] I won't do that! No I won't do that!

Anything for Los, oh I would do anything for Los
I would do anything for Los, but I won't do that, no I won't do that


Pretty Mordred to tune of Pretty Woman
Pretty Mordred, crawling down the street
Pretty Mordred, the kind who likes to eat
Pretty Mordred
I don't believe you, you can't be true
No one could look as good as you
Mercy

Pretty Mordred, won't you pardon me
Pretty Mordred, I couldn't help see
Pretty Mordred
That you look lovely as can be
Are you hungry just like me
Wow

Pretty Mordred, stop a while
Pretty Mordred, talk a while
Pretty Mordred, gave your smile to me
Pretty Mordred, yeah yeah yeah
Pretty Mordred, look my way
Pretty Mordred, say you'll stay with me
'Cause I need you, I'll treat you right
Come spiderbaby, be mine tonight

Pretty Mordred, don't walk on by
Pretty Mordred, make me cry
Pretty Mordred, don't walk away, hey...okay
If that's the way it must be, okay
I guess I'll go to the tower, it's late
There'll be tomorrow night, but wait
What do I see
Is he crawling back to me
Yeah, he's crawling back to me
Oh, oh, Pretty Mordred

[mojomofo]

Those are great! I really like the "Pretty Mordred" one, I can just picture Orbison crooning now!

[bopropadop]

Nice! Thankee for sharing with us!

[LadyHitchhiker]

Here's two more (I think I'll go in intervals of twos for a while):

I STARTED A JOKE PARODY
I started a quest, which started the whole world smiling,
But I didn't see that the joke was on me, oh no.

I started to cry, which started the whole world laughing,
Oh, if I’d only seen that the joke was on me.

I looked at the skies, finding the beams with both my eyes,
And I fell out of bed, hurting my head from things that I'd said.

Til I finally died, which started the whole world living,
Oh, if I’d only seen that the joke was on me.

I looked at the skies, finding the beams with both my eyes,
And I fell into this world, hurting my head from losing my girl.

til I finally died, which started the whole world living,
Oh, if I’d only seen that the joke was one me.


Suddenly Roland to tune of Suddenly Seymoure
[Roland]
Lift up your head
Eat a tooterfish sandwich
Here, take some astin
Put your wheelchair away
Forget not your father's face, we'll walk till it's mornin'
I know things'll get bad, but you'll be okay

Suddenly Roland is standin' beside you
You don't need no jewelery, just us to defend
Suddenly Roland is here to provide you
A little heavy-handing
Roland's your friend

[Susannah]
Nobody ever treats me unkindly
Daddy was a dentist
Mama was sure
I’ve met this new man and I'll follow him blindly
He's missing a few fingers
But that makes me more sure

Suddenly Roland is standin' beside me
He gives the right orders
He don't condescend
Suddenly Roland is here to provide me
A little heavy-handing
Roland's my friend

[Roland]
Tell me this journey won't last forever
Tell me the good times won't be swept away

[Susannah]
Please understand that it's still strange and fright'nin'
For a ka-tet like ours is it's so hard to say

[Roland]
Suddenly Roland,
He purified me
Suddenly Roland
He showed me I can
Learn how to be more
The girl that's inside me
with a little heavy-handing
with a little heavy-handing
with a little heavy-handing
Roland's the man!

[Roland] [Susannah] [Rest of Ka-tet]
Suddenly Roland,
He purified you
Suddenly Roland
Yes, you can
Learn how to be more
The girl that's inside you
with a little heavy-handing
with a little heavy-handing
with a little heavy-handing
Roland's our man

[LadyHitchhiker]

Red King Arising to tune of Bad Moon Arising
I see the Red King arising.
I see trouble on the way.
I see Beamquakes and lightnin.
I see bad times for you today.

Don’t go around tonight,
Well, he's bound to take your life,
there's a Red King on the rise.

I hear the dark winds ablowing.
I know beam's end is coming soon.
I fear feelings over flowing.
I hear the voice of rage and ruin.

don't mess around tonight,
Well, he's bound to change your life,
there's a Red King on the rise.
All right!

Hope you got your s##t together.
Hope you are quite prepared to die.
Looks like were in for nasty weather.
A gunslinger's going to die tonight.

don't mess around tonight,
Well, he's bound to change your life,
there's a Red King on the rise.
don't go around tonight,
Well, he's bound to change your life,
there's a Red King on the rise.

DOESN’T REMIND ME OF ANYTHING PARODY
I walk the beam's path till my ka-tet’s lost
Cause it doesn't remind me of anything
Visit graveyards for my worn out hoss
Cause it doesn't remind me of anything
I like studying faces in battles I've fought
Cause it doesn't remind me of anything
I like going foward with my talking dog
Cause it doesn't remind me of anything

[Chorus]
The things that I've loved the things that I've lost
The boy I held sacred that I dropped
I won't lie no more you can bet
I don't want to learn what I'll love and forget

I like Eddie's jokes and riddle talk
Cause it doesn't remind me of anything
I like tavern music, Susannah's drawl
Cause it doesn't remind me of anything
I like heading to the clearing in the sun
Cause it doesn't remind me of anything
I like loading my guns and speaking in tongues
Cause it doesn't remind me of anything

[Chorus]
The things that I've loved the things that I've lost
The boy I held sacred that I dropped
I won't lie no more you can bet
I don't want to lose what I need

Lose me forget me
I love the way we were
Slow and smoothly
Like never before
Calm and brooding
I won't stir up the past
So descretely
I won't look back

[Chorus]
The things that I've loved the things that I've lost
The things I've held sacred at all cost
I won't lie no more you can bet
I don't want to leave what I'll need

I like losing my voice and breaking more hearts
Cause it doesn't remind me of anything
I like fighting in the sand what's mine is yours
If it doesn't remind me of anything

[Nero]

Since we are doing parodies, I thought we could have fun with this setup.

I'm sure most are familiar with the Bud Light Presents (real men of genius, real american heroes, etc) commercials on the airwaves. Here's my version:

Bud Light Presents: Real Men of Gilead

Bud Light presents: Real Men of Gilead
(Real men of Gilead!)
Today we salute you Mr. Relentless Gunslinging Dark Tower Pursuer
(Mr. Relentless Gunslinging Dark Tower Pursuer!)
Wielding the Sandalwood Gripped Guns of Your Father, you are a force to be reckoned with
(Hail of bullets fury!)
Who wants to negotiate when you can put Hard Calibers right between someone’s eyes?
(Watch those brains fly! Ooh Ooh!)
You keep accumulating new companions from different When’s and Where’s
(Don’t forget the Tooterfish!)
Your friends jokes may make you laugh, until the lobstrosities barrel around the corner…
(Where’s my fingers?)
Take my extra gun and shoot, For Your Father’s Sake!
(But with Your Heart, not with The Gun!)
So crack open an Ice Cold Bud Light, Mr. Relentless Gunslinging Dark Tower Pursuer
Because even in our darkest times of need, we can always count on your to let us die for your D*mn Tower.

[Moderator]

[Carri]

Very cute!

[LadyHitchhiker]

(I love real men of gilead.. i will never watch another bud commercial without Roland in my head!!!!!!!!!!!!)


(Now, tis the season!)
All I want for Christmas is you parody
I don't want a lot from Gilead
There is just one thing I need
I don’t care who you tie and burn
To the Charyu tree
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want from Gilead is you

I don't want a lot from Gilead
There is just one thing I need
I don’t care who you tie and burn
To the Charyu tree

I don't need to hang my pistol
There in my holster
Gunnas won’t make me happy
As a toy on Christmas day

I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want from Gilead is you

I won't ask for much from Gilead
I won't even wish for snow
And I, I just wanna keep on waiting
In this bonfire’s glow

I won't make a list and send it
Ask for astin so I won’t be sick
I won't even stay awake
To hear those magic triggers click

Cause I just want you here tonight
Holding onto me so tight
What more can I do
Oh baby, all I want from Gilead is you

All the stars are shining
So brightly everywhere
And the sound of Roland’s
Laughter fills the air

And everyone is singing
I hear those blaine’s wheels spinning
Walter won't you bring me
The one I really need
Won't you please bring my baby to me, quickly

I don't want a lot from Gilead
This is all I'm asking for
I just wanna see my baby
Standing right outside the door

I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
Baby, all I want from Gilead is you

All I want from Gilead is you, baby

Leaving on a jet plane parody
All my drugs are packed
I’m ready to go
Got a tourist shirt to cover the load
I have no one to wake to say goodbye
And my heart is achin
It’s early morn
The taxis waitin
He’s blowin his horn
Already I’m so jonesing
I could die

So see me and smile for me
Tell me that you’ll wait on me
And to this world I never will let go
cause I’m leavin on a jet plane
Don’t know when I will land again
Oh man, I hate to go

There’s so many times that I’ve come down
So many times I’ve messed around
I tell you now, life don’t mean a thing
Evry place I go, Ill think of you
Evry song I sing, Ill sing for you
When I come back, I’ll have my own drug ring

So see me and smile for me
Tell me that you’ll wait on me
And to this world I never will let go
cause I’m leavin on a jet plane
Don’t know when I will land again
Oh man, I hate to go

Now the time has for Roland to meet you
One more time
Let me see you
Then close my eyes
We’ll be on our way
Dream about the days to come
When I won’t have my drugs to cope
For how long a time, I wont have to say

So see me and smile for me
Tell me that you’ll wait on me
And to this world I never will let go
cause I’m leavin on a jet plane
Don’t know when I will land again
Oh man, I hate to go

But, I’m leavin on a jet plane
Don’t know when I will land again
Oh man, I hate to go

[LadyHitchhiker]

Janie's Got A Gun Parody
Dum, dum, dum, honey what have you done
Dum, dum, dum, it's the sound of my gun
Dum, dum, dum, honey what have you done
Dum, dum, dum, it's the sound, it's the sound...
Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah....

S’zanna’s got a gun
Szanna’s got a gun
All the worlds’ve come undone
Can’t plot the days by the sun
What did that bad guy do?
Throw a brick right on you?

You know he never got arrested
He threw the kid into a cab
But man, he had it comin'
Now that S’zanna’s got a gun
She ain't never gonna let ‘im be bad

S’zanna’s got a gun
S’zanna’s got a gun
Her dog day's just begun
Now everybody is on the run
Tell her now it's untrue
What did that bad guy do?

He jacked the little bitty baby
The man drove her quite insane
They say that Walter made him blunder
The lightnin' and the thunder
Knew that someone had to start the pain

Run away, run away from the pain
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

Run away, run away from the pain
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Run away, run away, run, run away

S’zanna’s got a gun
S’zanna’s got a gun
Her dog day's just begun
Now everybody is on the run
Tell me it's not true
It's S’zanna’s last I.O.U.

She had to take him down easy
And put a bullet in his brain
She said 'cause nobody believes me
The man made me a sleeze
He ain't never gonna be the same

Run away, run away from the pain
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Run away, run away from the pain
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Run away, run away, run, run away

S’zanna’s got a gun
S’zanna’s got a gun
S’zanna’s got a gun
Everybody is on the run

S’zanna’s got a gun
Her dog day's just begun
Now everybody's on the run (Honey, honey what's your problem)
'Cause S’zanna’s got a gun (Tell me it ain't right)
S’zanna’s got a gun (Was it bad guy’s head lobbin')
Her dog day's just begun (That made you scream at night)
Now everybody's on the run
S’zanna’s got a gun

Bob Dylan - Just Like A Woman PARODY
Nobody feels any pain
Tonight as I stand inside the rain
Ev'rybody knows
That Eddie's got new clothes
But lately I see his taunting and his jokes
Have fallen from his mouth curled
He takes just like a tower, yes he does
He makes love and thinks of the tower, yes he does
And he aches to be at the tower
But he breaks just like a little girl.

Crimson King, I'll see you at the end
Yes, I believe I'll go see him again
Nobody has to guess
That Eddie can't be blessed
Till he finally sees that he's like all the rest
With his fog, his devil grass, his mouth curled
He takes just like a tower, yes he does
He makes love and thinks of the tower, yes he does
And he aches to be at the tower
But he breaks just like a little girl.

It's was the beach I saw him first
And I was dying there of thirst
So I came in here
And your long-time curse hurts
But what's worse
Is this pain in here
I can't stay in here
Ain't it clear that.

I just can't fit
Yes, I believe it's time for our quest
When we meet again
Introduced as friends
Please don't let on that you knew me when
I was hungry chasing after the tower
Ah he fakes just like a tower, yes he does
He makes love and thinks of the tower, yes he does
And he aches to be at the tower
But he breaks just like a little girl.

STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN PARODY
There's a lady whose wheelchair glitters likes gold
And she's following a stairway to the tower
And when she gets there she knows if the doors are closed
She'll just have to pound them down

Oy
And she are climbing the stairway to the tower

There's a sign in the sky but she wants to be sure
And she knows words like ka-tet have two meanings
In a tree by the brook there's a metal bear losing it
She thinks Rolands thoughts may be misgiven

Oy
And she are climbing the stairway to the tower

There's a feeling she gets when she looks to the west
And her spirit is crying for leaving
In her thoughts she has seen the beam's path in the sky and the trees
And she hears the voices of her ka-tet who stand looking

Oy
And she are climbing the stairway to the tower

And it's whispered that soon, if we all call the tune
Then our Roland will lead us to reason
And a new day will dawn and we'll sing Susannah's song
And the forest will echo with laughter

And it makes me wonder

If there's a bristle in your billybumbler
Don't be alarmed now
We're just a short way from the Crimson King.

Yes there are two paths you can go by
but in the long run
There's still time to change the road you're on

Your head is humming and it won't go in case until you do know
That Roland's calling you to join him
Dear lady can't you hear the wind blow and did you know
Your tower lies on the whispering wind

And as we wind on down the road
The lady of shadows bears her soul
There walks a lady we all know
Who shines white legs and wants to show
How everything still owns is gold
And if you listen very hard
The tune will come to you at last
When all are one and one is all
To be a rock and not to roll
Oy
And she are climbing the stairway to the tower

There's a lady whose wheelchair glitters likes gold
And she's following a stairway to the tower
And when she gets there she knows if the doors are closed
She'll just have to pound them down

And she's climbing the stairway to the tower