Anxiety

**Lily Sawyer** · February 14th, 2013

Originally Posted by fushingfeef

Just an update, I had a very bad panic attack yesterday morning, and after talking to my boss (and doctor, and counselor) we agreed I should stay home for a little while. I'm taking a short vacation for the remainder of the week, and we have Monday off as a holiday, so I plan to return next Tuesday. For now I'm just trying to do little things at home at my own pace and trying not to get overwhelmed by anything. I want to strike a balance between getting some rest and relaxation but not being too idle--that can be bad too.

Had a creepy moment this morning when I was convinced my father (deceased) was in the bedroom staring down at me as I slept and making this weird gargling sound in his throat. Eventually I realized I was having some sort of night terror or dream and he went away. I have heard some people say that SSRI's can lead to weird or vivid dreams so it all makes sense now. But it wasn't much fun at the time.

Anyway my goal is to ride things out and try to return to some normalcy so I can be ready to return to work next week. I might not be on the board much these days but I wanted to check in and wish everyone a happy Valentine's day!

Consider your hand held by many. ♥

**Spideyman** · February 14th, 2013

You know how strong this Ka-tet is, Fush. We are here pulling for you with positive vibes, prayers and holding hands. Don't forget the hugs too. ((((((FF)))))

**Todash** · February 14th, 2013

Originally Posted by fushingfeef

Just an update, I had a very bad panic attack yesterday morning, and after talking to my boss (and doctor, and counselor) we agreed I should stay home for a little while. I'm taking a short vacation for the remainder of the week, and we have Monday off as a holiday, so I plan to return next Tuesday. For now I'm just trying to do little things at home at my own pace and trying not to get overwhelmed by anything. I want to strike a balance between getting some rest and relaxation but not being too idle--that can be bad too.

Had a creepy moment this morning when I was convinced my father (deceased) was in the bedroom staring down at me as I slept and making this weird gargling sound in his throat. Eventually I realized I was having some sort of night terror or dream and he went away. I have heard some people say that SSRI's can lead to weird or vivid dreams so it all makes sense now. But it wasn't much fun at the time.

Anyway my goal is to ride things out and try to return to some normalcy so I can be ready to return to work next week. I might not be on the board much these days but I wanted to check in and wish everyone a happy Valentine's day!

That may have just been a dream, but if it continues to happen (where you feel awake, see things especially looking down at you, can't move, etc.), it could be sleep paralysis. It's not harmful, but it can be frightening. I'm just mentioning it because it's less scary if you know what it is. (I've never had it but it runs in my husband's family, so I know quite a bit about it.)

I'm really glad you're taking positive steps to deal with this! We are behind you all the way.

**fushingfeef** · February 21st, 2013

My attempt to return to work failed. I made it through the first day back pretty well and felt very functional by the afternoon. However, yesterday I had to lock myself in an office almost as soon as I arrived--I was having another panic attack, and even the Xanax wasn't helping, I just felt a sleepier kind of panic and I really just couldn't function. I called my doctor and called my human resources department and talked for a while, and my company is letting me take short-term disability until either the meds start working or I get better. I'm eligible for up to 26 weeks at full pay but I'm hoping it won't be longer than 3 or 4 weeks at most. I'm also going to maybe start looking for a cognitive behavioral therapist during this time, as soon as I feel up to it. There really seems to be a connection between mornings, work and anxiety for me so if I can break that negative association I can beat this thing.

I'm not looking for sympathy or anything here, I already know I have the love and support of you all, I just wanted to give you an update!

**Spideyman** · February 21st, 2013

Thank you for the update, FF. Was worried not seeing you here. You know we are all here for you 100%. Take the time you need. Do what you feel is best for you. It is great you have an understanding boss/company. Thankful. Keep us posted when you feel like it. I send love and green lights!!

**Moderator** · February 21st, 2013

I'm very glad you work for a company that is being supportive of you while you figure this out and hope you'll find the right combination of therapies that will get you to the other side. (((Bob))))

**Out of Order** · February 21st, 2013

Thanks for the update, FF. I'm pulling for you and I hope things get better very soon for you.

Remember that spring is right around the corner too!!

**cat in a bag** · February 21st, 2013

((((Bob)))) I really think that it is great how you are taking this by the horns. You're not trying to force anything, you are listening to your body. How great that you have the support of your workplace, that is how it should be. You WILL get there! Just takes a little time. We're all here for you!!

**blunthead** · February 21st, 2013

Originally Posted by fushingfeef

...I'm also going to maybe start looking for a cognitive behavioral therapist during this time, as soon as I feel up to it. There really seems to be a connection between mornings, work and anxiety for me so if I can break that negative association I can beat this thing.

I'm not looking for sympathy or anything here, I already know I have the love and support of you all, I just wanted to give you an update!

I don't think anyone here would dream that you're looking for sympathy or doing anything but being the honest person you are, needing healthy support from friends. So please continue to keep us posted. I think it safe to say you should look forward to the cognitive therapy being very helpful, too.