Variations on a Theme

[Bryan James]

Towards the end of "Part Six" of the 'On Writing' portion of King's book of the same name, he mentions a book that he just flat stopped reading because of a multi-vehicular crash of both simile and metaphor.

He was suave and de boner enough to not name the novel, but he included some text that offended him:

He sat stolidly beside the corpse, waiting for the medical examiner as patiently as a man waiting for a turkey sandwich.

I'm not going to influence all one of you that participates in this thread by, um, influencing you, but why don't you tighten up that particular sentence.

One sentence, maybe two short ones. Give it a shot.

Contestant Number One writes....

[CorbinKale]

He sat on the corpse, eating a turkey sandwich.

[vickita]

He sat beside the corpse, waiting for the medical examiner.

[JohnDalglish]

Hi,

He sat beside the corpse, like a turkey sandwich?

Long days and pleasant nights

[~Ally~]

Ooh, we should get some "interesting" responses to this one...will be fun to read!

[vickita]

He and the turkey sat beside the corpse. When the medical examiner arrived with the bread, they would make sandwiches.

[fushingfeef]

If I had written it, I would probably just say:

All he could do was wait for the medical examiner. The corpse wasn't going anywhere.

[~Ally~]

He and the turkey sat beside the corpse. When the medical examiner arrived with the bread, they would make sandwiches.

Teehee, that sounds like the turkey is going to help him make sandwiches...was that your intention?

[sknut70]

while waiting for the medical examiner, he ate the corpse much like someone would eat a turkey sandwich.

Vickita I like yours... I now have an image of a man and a turkey sitting next to each other making corspe sandwiches

[JohnDalglish]

If I had written it, I would probably just say:

All he could do was wait for the medical examiner. The corpse wasn't going anywhere.

Hi,

....laxcking the portability and upward mobility of a turkey sandwich?

Long days and pleasant nights