Why Exactly?

[Dave Sartin]

Just a quick question. No, this is no joke and no I am not being one sided but why is it exactly that girls can get friends easier than guys? I mean I only have 2 friends, (no job or car though) but I am still a really nice guy. I was on fb (who isn't?) earlier and went to my ex gf's profile. (BAD choice) She had tons of pictures of her and A TON of other people and she's not what you would call a good person...At all. She has no job or call either. Same with my friend Laura. She's always posting pictures of her and new friends and with another friend, Katrina. WHAT IS UP WITH THIS?! UGH!

[atomicinchworm]

Well, let me put this bluntly. It has nothing to do with the fact they are female. It's you.

I will start by saying that I suffer terribly from depression. I have finally gotten help, and it has been significantly better since I have.

Do not worry about starting new relationships until you get your stuff sorted out. GO TO THE DOCTOR. Work on yourself.

You can't form new relationships because depression turns you into an a$$hole. People don't like walking on eggshells waiting for your next blow up, or hanging out with people who drag them down. With depression, this is exactly what you are doing.

I was there. Am there. I am now on two different medications that have cut out my anxiety and put a big stop on my depression.

Stop being wishing for change and at the minimum, go to the doctor to make sure that there isn't something underlying that is the cause of your depression. There are some nasty health problems that can cause it. Rule those out, and then try some meds. They'll help. You'll find starting relationships will be easier too.

[staropeace]

What atom said!

[CCAL]

I hope you don't waste you time (and peace of mind) worrying about others friends, jobs, or cars, etc. that has nothing to do with being a good person. Some 'buy' friends by pretending to be what they think others want or by purchasing gifts, etc. (Both not recommended!) You can have friends here just by being yourself and sharing in common interests. You already have a few responses to this post-great start! One cant make friends without communication. Take the previous comments to heart-it cant hurt. Good luck to you.

[MadamMack]

Start by being a friend to yourself Dave.

[FlakeNoir]

Maybe if you could get outside of your head a little more, you wouldn't be feeling this bad? I really do think that the internet (in general) and specific types of sites (in particular) are contributing to the way we feel about ourselves.
Before the internet (social network sites especially) we wouldn't have had any knowledge whatsoever about whom was hanging out with whom... and how often. Folks are in each other's space so much more now, there is very little privacy and it is far too easy to get caught up in other people's 'business'.

When you're feeling like crud, instead of going to have a gander at the pages of the people that have hurt you in the past, perhaps you would feel better by just stepping away from the keyboard? Or at least instead just trying to connect with those current friends that you've (previously) mentioned? Rubbing salt into a gaping wound isn't doing you any favours.

[atomicinchworm]

Also, quality is greater than quantity where friends are concerned.

[Shasta]

I have, like, two friends and I'm a girl. It's just your perception that it's easier.

[not_nadine]

Dave really. There is a life outside the screen you are looking at. What Atomic Said.

I am a girl too, Shasta! How weird is that?

[if-so-Grrl]

My mama always told me that in order to have a friend, you have to be a friend. This means making time for other people in your life, and not always doing things on your terms...sometimes, you have to do things that you might not enjoy so much because it's what they want to do. And you have to be willing to listen; friendship can't always be about you or your needs all the time.

I have a lot of friends these days. Few of them are what I'd call really close friends, but I've got several of those, too. And I would do ANYTHING for those people - walk through hell and back, if necessary.

Even with more casual friends, they know I've always got their back. And many of them have demonstrated that they have mine as well.

Atom is correct, though, that it is much easier to make friends when you are generally in a good space mentally. I didn't have nearly so many friends before I got myself together and ran off to Alaska. As a rule, these days, I am happy and at peace with myself; for the first time in my life, I can honestly say that I like myself. It makes a huge difference.

So does this, which has kind of surprised me: I really don't give a damn what other people think of me. There really isn't anything artificial about me; what you see is what you get. I quit being self-conscious and stopped trying to make people like me somewhere along the way, and you know what? It turned out that people generally like me just fine, and several of them have told me that they like the fact that they know I'm real and they don't get any BS from me.

So the best thing you can do, IMO, is to learn to like yourself. If there are things you really don't like, then change them.

And if not having a job or a car causes you problems (and it sounds like it does), change that. I realize that the economy sucks and all, but one of the best pieces of advice I ever got when I was struggling with some serious depression was to get out of the house and work. My therapist told me that, and she also told me that it didn't matter one bit what I did for work, as long as I did something to get out of the house and bring in some dough. I ended up working for temp agencies for a while - they are always hiring, for all kinds of positions, and one of the ones I used even made it possible for me to learn some new skills; they had a computer lab with all kinds of nifty programs and tutorials, so I learned some new software, which let me get better paying jobs. I really recommend that you look into those kinds of things...it may not be what you want to do forever, but it is a paycheck, and it'll get you out of the house and eventually allow you to buy yourself a car. And it will also do wonders for your self-respect.