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Stand by me...
I don`t remember the exact moment when I wanted to die. There were many, more than I can remember and that`s maybe why I can`t remember it.
At least the moment when the death wish was the strongest.
Although I do know that I was dying piece by piece in all of those moments. Parts of my heart and soul were getting darker and darker, they were dying, just like the day is dying when the sun is setting in and the darkness of night takes over.
I do remember some moments, when I was starting to understand that the fields of my youth will never look the same as they have looked `till those dark moments came.
Or when I watched the cities burning, while listening to the screams of people, women, children. I was screaming with them, but I didn`t realize that, I didn`t realize that I was listening to my own voice mixed together with all the other ones, in horror of the oncoming, undescribable darkness, neverending tears and unendless pain.
Visiting graves of those who now continue to live only in my soul, and in the souls of those who still remember how firm their handshake was, how they had a beautiful smile and no dark shadows were cast over their faces.
Every single one of them took a piece of me with them to their graves, and I can`t rememeber all of those moments.
Well, I`m lying.
I can, I just don`t want to remember the moments of my own death.
But I can remember the moment when i wanted to live again. When I felt the wish to get out of the abysess of my soul, out of the misery and the tears. When I wanted to leave all of that behind me, all those graves, wars and black clothes.
To breathe again freely, to not feel any pain in my lungs, when I wanted to be happy like a child again.
When I wanted to be friends again with all possible and impossible things, from the blues, clear sky, over snow covered mountains all the way to my wet boots.
When I learned to love Spring again.
Oh, I remember that moment with an unsual clarity, the clarity of a water fall storming down a mountain slope into a peacuful river.
The moment I took your hand and felt the warmth of it. When I felt that that all of my feelings and memories are also in your hand, the same questions that don`t have an answer were also written on your palm. That the life line on it was telling the same story like mine.
You didn`t have to tell me all the with your lips, and you knew that, so you only smiled and held harde onto my hand.
Some time has already passed since that moment. And it wasn`t always all gold and roses for us. Sometimes we felt those old thorns stinging, somtimes the familar dark clouds would pass over us, trying to hide the sun, putting in an enormous effort to hide the light so I would not be able to read the rest of our story that was written on your palm. But, those moments would never last to long, in the end, I was always able to spot the incision where I thought a period was imprinted.
There are no period point for us, no exclamation marks.
There is only that line on our palms that talks about tales that have not been told yet, hights that have not been flown yet and lands that remain undiscovered.
And that story is full of Love, laughter and happiness, and it goes into all eternity, it will be full of wonderous miracles even bigger and filled with more Love than the ones that we already experienced.
So, give me your hand, put your palm onto mine, so the story can continue to flow, so we can write the words of Love into those lines on our palms, words that have never been written before.
Give me your hand, and hold on to mine, because I will love you, my dear, even then when everything else stops, when all tales are told and all the heights have been conquered.
Give me your hand and hold on to mine, since the most beautiful times …are still ahead of us…
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Originally Posted by fushingfeef
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