Should I Feel Guilty About Going Out?

[AngelZ]

Within the last six months, there has been a noticeable change in my desire to go out. Before if I wanted to go out, I'd wait until my husband would agree. Now, I've been going out more frequently with a girlfriend. Not anywhere too far. Maybe some thrift shopping or dinner. I'd prefer to go out with the hubby, but he's been very reluctant. But now I'm sensing resentment: kind of a like, but not the exact words, "Why don't you want to be with me?" And I want to answer, "Because you want to go out once in a blue moon and I'd like to go out more often." I'm home quite a lot with the kids because we homeschool and I think even for my own sanity I need to go out. I'd like to go out without being given the guilt trip. Maybe it's too much to ask? I know it's been a bitter winter and that is part of the reason, but the other part maybe because he's going through a phase where he's reading a lot more. Anybody else go through this with either their spouse or S.O.?

[Doc Wilson]

I'm a stick in the mud, too, I'm sure my wife would be quick to agree with you.

On the other hand, I encourage her to go out with the girls as much as she wants to. Seems to me its only fair.

Find a good time and let him know how you feel.

[Haunted]

I had to make this adjustment too. I think the fact that you are working at home (this best describes your job in the marriage, yes?) leaves you with an interest (maybe especially because this has been the longest winter ever!!) to see the outer world from time to time! Your husband, I take it, works outside of the home and gets all of his socialization done during the day while you are at home.

Best speak with him about it, dont let it fester and become a bigger problem.

[AngelZ]

I think he knows that he should just kind of accept it. But it's the emotional factor.

[rjt65]

You should always maintain friends. Being with a spouse should happen as well, but why woudl it be you should stop going out with friends?

I am not talking about every night or going to club med etc..... but especially as you are home schooling, you need some releases adn relaxation.

you should go out with him and your friends more IMO! Your husband needs to lighten up on the control and guilt trips on you. He should go out with his friends too.

I got caught up in not going out with my friends for a stage , especially when the kids were younger. SO much work, kids etc you lose touch and the impetus to go out. I try to ensure every month or 2 i go out for some beers, fishing or whatever with the boys.

g luck and do not feel guilty! It is important for your overall balance to have separate interests, hobbies, and stress free outings.... this shoudl make your relationship with family better as you will be more balanced.

g luck Z!

[bookworm101]

The only way to get my first husband out of the house was to set it on fire. The problem was if I went out with my friend who was my neighbor and he knew her well, he would pout because I didn't sit at home with him. Go out girl don't wait on him. You might ask him what would he like to do other than sit in the house. I was a stay at home mom and I truly understand the need to get out just for a little while.

[fushingfeef]

Don't feel guilty about going out, but also don't be afraid to talk to the man, after all he is your husband. Instead of imagining these dialogues, just ask him if it bothers him that you're going out. Let him know that you don't love him any less, but you really need to just get out once in a while. A little communication will let him know that you're thinking about him, even though you might not always be able to spend time with him.

[Damaris]

I'm just the opposite; I want to stay home and he wants to go out. I go most of the time because he wants to, and I want to spend time with him. But sometimes he drives me crazy, wanting me to go with him to things that I have no interest in, but if I don't I feel guilty. And yes, sometimes I do resent him for it ("what's so bad about staying home?" I wonder), and I'm sure sometimes he resents me. That's the problem with being different people. It's hard to find a good balance.

[Srbo]

Ever since I met my wife, even when we were still just dating, I have never-ever asked her,( when she wants to go out )where she is going, with whom, when will she be back nor should she call me unless there is an emergency.
She can (and deserves to ) live her social life any way she wants to.
And I expect the same from her.
We have quite different interests when it comes to going out ( unless we go to see a movie ), so, she wants to have a girls night out, fine with me.
And vice versa.

It`s all called trust. Live and let live.

[AngelZ]

Thanks to you all for your kind responses. Your support means a lot. Damaris, your response was interesting and on point. While our values are quite similar, my interests are more varied than my husband. And as I've become more social, he has become more anti-social. Also the fact that I'm doing more things independantly is a bit of surprise to him and I think he's trying to deal with it. Before if he didn't want to go someplace, I wouldn't go either, but now I'm willing to even go by myself. But that can be problematic as a married person, so I always try to bring a friend. You're right, the key is balance and that is so hard to achieve. I'm trying to put myself in his shoes to understand his perspective.