What is Love?

[JRLauer]

While going through some old computer files I came across something that I had forgotten that I wrote. I thought I’d share it with everyone and see what kind of conversation it might spark. About a year and a half ago, I was talking to someone who had recently gone through a break up. I had asked her if she was in love with him and she responded by saying, “I don’t know what love is anymore.” That comment got me to thinking, “What is love?” I thought about it for awhile and eventually I wrote this.

There are basically four types of love. Three are real and felt by almost everyone, the last one may or may not be subjective. It looks as if it exists, but it seems to be hard to come by.

The first type of love is the easiest. “Casual Love”. How many times have you heard someone say, “I love this book.” or “I love this show/movie.” or “I love the food they serve here.” In that context, love is thrown around very casually, hence “Casual Love”. It’s easy to love something that is inanimate. It doesn’t talk back, it doesn’t complain, it doesn’t ask who your going out with tonight. Its just there for your enjoyment. Anyone can feel this, even psychopaths can feel “Casual Love”.

The second type is what I call “Puppy Love”. This is the type of love reserved for our pets. I love my greyhounds, and I’m sure they love me too. I’m willing to bet most of you love your cats and dogs and other pets and they love you as well. But they’re animals not humans. We as humans need to feel as if someone or something (pets) is bonded with us or dependent on us. It makes us feel needed, wanted… loved. It’s a social inclination that is built into nearly every human on earth. There are a few exceptions, but they’re extraordinarily rare. We love our pets and they love us… unconditionally. We like that.

The third type of love is “Plutonic Love”. As you guessed, this is the type of love reserved for friends and family members. I love my mother and father, but not the same way that I may love my greyhounds or a book. This type of love is harder to come by than the first two, because this type of love will talk back and sometimes, bite back. But usually not to the extent that the love stops for that person. This type of love is often conditional as well. “I love you because (enter reason here)” They say that you can pick your friends but not your family. This is true. There are family members that can’t stand to be in the same room with each other and they may not even like each other let alone love each other. But friends are different. Therefore, it would stand to reason that the friends you pick are people you love (or at least like a lot), and you pick them for the qualities that they possess. Whether that’s a certain talent they have, or their personality, or what have you. But one thing is universal about the first three types of love. None of them account for the nervous, gut wrenching feeling you may get when your with someone you “Love”.

The fourth type of love is “True Love”. Does it exist? Signs say yes it does. Take this analogy:

Curious guy asks In Love guy, “So what does being in love feel like?” In Love guy says, “Its great. When I’m near her, my stomach feels like its full of butterflies. My mouth goes dry. I feel lightheaded, and even dizzy. When she kisses me, my heart pounds harder. I begin to sweat, and I feel like I’m going to faint.” Curious guy thinks about this for a moment and says, “Sounds like you have the flu.”

The symptoms for “True Love” may vary from person to person but I’m sure you get my drift. Most of us have felt this way about a person at one time or another, but the feeling will usually go away not long after initial contact and therein lies the problem. If the feeling stays with you for years on end and never fades, then it may be “True Love”. If however, the feeling goes away after a few years or sometimes months, as it does with many of us, I don’t think it can be chocked up to “True Love”. It can probably be attributed to horniness, sad but true. Like I said in “Puppy Love”, we humans don’t like to be alone. Most of us prefer the company of another human over an animal so we try to trick ourselves into believing that we have “True Love”. But was it ever there? I think that “True Love” exists only for a precious, lucky few who in turn will call each other “Soul Mates”. Maybe that’s were “True Love” really resides. The rest of us go through the motions of pretending that we have “True Love”, but if we do have it, then why do people break up? Why do they get divorced? Why do they cheat on their mate? Because it never existed for them, that’s why. Going under this criteria, I myself have never had “True Love”. It’s unlikely that I ever will. But like the many nameless, faceless people around me, I’ll continue going through the motions. Maybe It’ll strike one day, but like I said, I think it’s for a precious few.

So don’t feel alone. There are about 6 billion other people in the same boat, all of us looking enviously at the 5 million or so who have “True Love” but we’ll survive. Hell, we’ve been doing this since the dawn of time.

JR.

[Srbo]

Good thread. Nice.

Whitesnake - Is this Love ?

I should have known better
Than to let you go alone
It's times like these
I can't make it on my own
Wasted days, and sleepless nights
An' I can't wait to see you again

I find I spend my rime
Waiting on your call
How can I tell you, babe
My back's against the wall
I need you by my side
To tell me it's alright
Cos I don't think I can take anymore

Is this love that I'm feeling
Is this the love that I've been searching for
Is this love or am I dreaming
This must be love
Cos it's really go a hold on me
A hold on me

I can't stop the feeling
I've been this way before
But, with you I've found the key
To open any door
I can feel my love for you
Growing stronger day by day
An' I can't wait too see you again
So I can hold you in my arms


Is this love that I'm feeling

[Sigmund]

1. What is “stress cardiomyopathy?”
Stress cardiomyopathy, also referred to as the “broken heart syndrome,” is a condition in which .intense emotional or physical stress can cause rapid and severe heart muscle weakness (cardiomyopathy).
There is an article about a woman who collapsed to the hospital floor after being told about her beloved husbands death
There but for the grace of God (and my wonderful son) go I.
It's been eight years and I still wear my wedding band. My first thought when I wake up is him as is my last thought at night after prayers. Yes, I was very "Lucky" but I feel like , "I am damned, having loved and been loved so well"

[Charms7]

Thank you for posting this, JR. I have lived many years, and most of those years I have been trying to figure out why it is some people can find "true love" while others (like me) cannot. This is my conclusion: The reason why some people enjoy the delights of having a "soulmate" is because they didn't just jump into a relationship simply based on the dictates of chemistry and pheromones. They learn as much as they can about their prospective partner and, once convinced this is the right person for them, they commit to being with that one person. But it doesn't stop there. There is no "and they lived happily ever after" in real life. True love is something that is worked at on a daily basis. It takes a whole lot of effort each and every day. It takes forgiveness, compromise, empathy and sympathy plus a whole lot more. True love is true commitment. You accept wholeheartedly the person you are with as they are, not as you think you can convince them to become. These are the conclusions I have drawn. It is but theory, but it seems to fit.

[~Ally~]

Yup there definitely are different kinds of love. I've experienced the first three, as I'm sure most people have.
Never achieved the fourth kind though...yet! Give me time, I'm working on it. I will get back to you in a few of months.

However I don't think just because you may no longer feel that sickness in your stomach, or pounding in your heart after a few months, that what you feel isn't necessarily true love. Those feelings usually arise due to excitement, or nerves at the unknown. Obviously the longer you are with someone those bodily reactions will subside. You may still occassionally feel it, say if your partner is looking particularly gorgeous one day, but to expect those reactions for the whole of the relationship is quite unrealistic. There's nothing wrong with growing comfortable with someone. It doesn't mean you love them any less. If anything you may grow to love them more as you accept all the little details, and settle with each other. I would dearly love to have a relationship, and partner, who I feel 100% comfortable and secure with. Who needs excitement? Definitely not me.

[Sigmund]

Yes Charms7 it takes a lot of work and forgiveness etc. There will be more ups and downs than a roller coaster. I think it was the late Erma Bombeck that quoted her Grandmother regarding her Grandfather, "I'm just so glad I didn't kill him yesterday."
Or,"Divorce is NOT an option...murder suicide however....

[smunchkin]

I agree with several points here. You definately have to work at love there have been times when i couldnt stand the sight of my husband but I loved him so much i couldnt even imagine not working it out even in my blind rage. Of course my belly flip feeling has mostly subsided after 7 years (of which not all have been happy) but i still feel a twinge there when he comes home or gives me the look reserved only for me. I fear i am a hopeless romantic because even though i have found very few people who actually feel the same about their spouses as i do but i definately believe true love exists. I believe there must be times in every relationship that the people involved must feel its more work than what they thought it was but if you are trully in love it wont overcome you. Love has been painted as a beautiful portrait when in reality the true thing can be messy and at times ugly. I dont believe this makes any difference to me if someone told me in order to feel one more minute of what i do with my husband i would have to go through years of pain, i would say bring on the pain. I cant imagine my life without this and i know one day it may end but until that day comes i will live blissfully ignorant.

Just the ramblings of a hopeless romantic

[Spideyman]

“Love is of all passions the strongest, for it attacks simultaneously the head, the heart and the senses.” Lao Tzu from the Tao Te Ching

[JRLauer]

Good points from all, however I must interject. It was never my intention to give the impression that in order to have “true love”, the couple in question must have the feelings of euphoria constantly. I understand that time diminishes everything including the feelings of “true love”. But when a couple is in love these euphoric feelings never fade completely, there is always a hint of these feelings in the background even after decades of time has past.

Also, I didn’t mean to give the impersonation that if you have “true love” you’ll live happily ever after. As it was pointed out, that doesn’t exist. Couples who have “true love” must work on their relationship or it will eventually fall apart.

[SharonC]

Love to me is like a comfortable old shoe. No matter how pretty the new ones look, I'll always prefer the comfortable one because they fit me so well and never hurt me.