Gimme back my money!

[Srbo]

Something that happened today triggered my memory...

A long time ago, before the war, we were a very wealthy family. Had money literally coming out ouf our behinds. Beautiful house, several cars, whatnot.

But, even so, my late Dad, who was used to working very hard all his life ( and of course, that and smart investements made him a very rich man ) couldn`t sit at home and do nothing, so he took up a job as a cab driver in our small town, just so he wouldn`t sit at home all day.
I was a teenager back then, and didn`t really care much about what he or mom are doing, as long as I had some money in my pocket and the freedom to do what I want, the World looked okay to me.
So I didn`t pay really close attention to what kind of man my father really was...`till this one event that took place in our home.

On some rainy Sunday afternoon, we were all just lazying around the house, didn`t expect any visitors, Dad was doing his usual, reading political magazines and sipping whiskey, Mom was probably in the kitchen yakking every now and then to my Dad that he should slow down with the drinks, I was blasting music from the stereo, my late bro` was with me doing the same and of course, as boys, we didn`t pay attention to what our sisters are up to.
Unexpectedly, the door bell rang and one of my dad`s acquaintances walked in. I can`t say he was my dad`s friend, cos he simply was never around and I know I`ve never seen Dad hang around with him, so that`s what he was - an acquaintance.
He sat down, all nervous about something, shifting his feet left and right, talking mostly nonsense about the bad weather and my dad just kept looking at him and nodding his head.
And then, out of the blue, he looked at the guy and said:
" Okay, calm down...how much do you need ? "
The guy was stunned, couldn`t talk for a few seconds, kept looking at Dad, said something like "...how did you..." but Dad cut him off, and asked, with a smile, the same question again.
So, the guy says that he is starting a buisness, he can`t get a loan and so on and finaly said he would need 2000 Deutsch Marks ( back in the day, the eighties, that was a big amount of money, don`t know, maybe like 10 000 american dollars today ).
My Dad gets up without a word, goes to his study and comes back with a wad of money. When the guy counted it, he couldn`t believe his eyes.
" Man, this is 4000..I asked only for 2000".
Dad says : " Look, you need the 2 grand to start the buisness, and those other two just use as a backup. "
" When do I return this and how much is the interest ? "
My Dad waived his hand, said that he can return it when he gets the buisness up and running and making some profit...and then abruptly changed the subject.
He didn`t want to make the man feel any more uncomfortable than he was already.
The guy started to promise this and that, within in a year the money will be back with interest in my dads pocket and so on...dad didn`t listen anymore, just smiled and gave him some more whiskey.
After about 15 minutes the guy left.
Me ( especially me, cos back then I was the cheapskate of the World ) and the rest of the family where stunned just like the guy was, kept looking at Dad, and just when we wanted to start asking questions, one look by my Father told us that there was nothing to ask.

So, years went by. The guy had started the buisness, became very succesfull...and avoided my Father like the plague. Changed sides of the street, never went to the same pubs my dad did...he just avoided him at all costs.
I asked my Dad about that, the money the guy owes him and why he doesn`t do something about it.
Dad`s only response was this:
" Well, he owes me money. Why should I go to him ? He should come to me, and if he wont, well, that`s his problem, not mine."
And that was it.

Later on, I found out that my Dad gave numerous free rides to people in his cab, even on really, really, really long tripps...that he lend money to who knows how many people..and never-ever asked anyone to give it back to him.
If someone did, usually they would end up in a pub and drink and eat until the returned money is all gone...
And ever since then, I try my best to be like him. But, that is for later.

So, today, this friend of mine walks into my house, starts cussing and talkin` really bad stuff about a guy who isn`t returning him 100 bucks for a year now. Says he is going to go to his place, brake his jaw, vandalize his car in the night and whatnot...took him half an hour to finish his rant, and then he vanished...maybe to do like he said. It`s not like this friend of mine is poor, he is a very succesfull accountant, so I don`t undesrtand what the fuss is about a lousy hundred bucks.
And that`s when I rememebered the way my Dad was.

What I want to ask you guys - how are you with lending money to people ?
Do you do it at all, and if you do it, do you behave like this friend of mine..or at least remotely similar to mu Dad ?
Can you forgive or would you say that people who aren`t returning the money are disrespectful and such ?

Thanks for reading and the answers if there is to be any.

[~Ally~]

Thanks Srbo.
That is a lovely story and speaks volumes about the good character your father must have been...I am sure you are very proud.

Ten years ago I lent my friends mother £300, supposedly for a fortnight. If I remember correctly, she returned £20 to me.
The money is not important, I told her if she had wanted to keep it all she had to do was ask. I am the type of person who would do that. She never apologised. Excuses were offered but they don't interest me.
I am still good friends with her daughter and when I see this woman I am polite. I like to think she is ashamed of her actions deep inside, but I don't believe that.

Either way, I have still lent people money after this happened.
I find it hard to refuse people anything, but that is me and I'm not ashamed of it.

[Spideyman]

Srbo, once again your stories bring life to our hearts. I would like to think I am like your dad. There have been times I have gladly helped friends in need. Always took the attitude that by the the grace of the Lord, that could be me in need; and if so, I would hope someone would be there for me. Your dad had such a wonderful outlook on life. He gave freely and it was their problem if they did not repay. I can recall only once when lent money was not returned. It was not for me to judge why it was not repaid.

As I think back- I hear my father saying- neither a lender or borrower be. Guess I didn't listen to dad in that respect.

Be very proud of your dad, Srbo.

[SKfan2006]

if it's family i'll gladly give the money and not expect it back unless they say so.
when it's a friend i'll give it and wait until they pay me back sorta like your dad.

[JayneH]

What a lovely recollection of your father. Coming so soon after losing mine - it was lovely to hear nice memories of your dad.

I dont lend money to very many people - mainly because I dont have that much to spare. But in saying that I have loaned small amounts like your fried has. I am like your dad.... I would never ask for it back - if they want to give it back to me then fine. If not - then also fine. It is them that have to live with it if it makes them feel guilty. Personally if you lent me five bucks and I forgot to give it back to you when I had it I would be horrified and so apoligetic when I remembered. But I know other people who would "conveniently" forget forever ....

[womby wombles]

I am like Ally on this issue.
I haven't really lent my friends money to any of my friends, well non of significant value anyway. But I have given money as presents to one "friend" in particular for her to buy baby stuff for her newborn. Only to find out that she spent the money on cigarettes and alcohol. I was disappointed and annoyed but what could I do? So I have never given any more presents of money to her again. That was one reason why I am no longer friends with her.

I have on the other hand been very generous to both of my parents on many occasions. I haven't got a lot of money, very little in fact, but I have never had an issue with helping either of them. They looked after me as a child and whenever they can now too, so I am of the opinion that it is good and kind to be generous with the ones that I love and care about the most. I don't expect or demand to be paid back, basically because I know that when I need their help they will be the first ones to offer their assistance.

I don't understand why people can be so caught up with money and the "power" of it and leave their own people surviving on very little. But that is human nature I guess. And I am just thankful that my parents and I aren't like that.

[doowopgirl]

Something that happened today triggered my memory...

A long time ago, before the war, we were a very wealthy family. Had money literally coming out ouf our behinds. Beautiful house, several cars, whatnot.

But, even so, my late Dad, who was used to working very hard all his life ( and of course, that and smart investements made him a very rich man ) couldn`t sit at home and do nothing, so he took up a job as a cab driver in our small town, just so he wouldn`t sit at home all day.
I was a teenager back then, and didn`t really care much about what he or mom are doing, as long as I had some money in my pocket and the freedom to do what I want, the World looked okay to me.
So I didn`t pay really close attention to what kind of man my father really was...`till this one event that took place in our home.

On some rainy Sunday afternoon, we were all just lazying around the house, didn`t expect any visitors, Dad was doing his usual, reading political magazines and sipping whiskey, Mom was probably in the kitchen yakking every now and then to my Dad that he should slow down with the drinks, I was blasting music from the stereo, my late bro` was with me doing the same and of course, as boys, we didn`t pay attention to what our sisters are up to.
Unexpectedly, the door bell rang and one of my dad`s acquaintances walked in. I can`t say he was my dad`s friend, cos he simply was never around and I know I`ve never seen Dad hang around with him, so that`s what he was - an acquaintance.
He sat down, all nervous about something, shifting his feet left and right, talking mostly nonsense about the bad weather and my dad just kept looking at him and nodding his head.
And then, out of the blue, he looked at the guy and said:
" Okay, calm down...how much do you need ? "
The guy was stunned, couldn`t talk for a few seconds, kept looking at Dad, said something like "...how did you..." but Dad cut him off, and asked, with a smile, the same question again.
So, the guy says that he is starting a buisness, he can`t get a loan and so on and finaly said he would need 2000 Deutsch Marks ( back in the day, the eighties, that was a big amount of money, don`t know, maybe like 10 000 american dollars today ).
My Dad gets up without a word, goes to his study and comes back with a wad of money. When the guy counted it, he couldn`t believe his eyes.
" Man, this is 4000..I asked only for 2000".
Dad says : " Look, you need the 2 grand to start the buisness, and those other two just use as a backup. "
" When do I return this and how much is the interest ? "
My Dad waived his hand, said that he can return it when he gets the buisness up and running and making some profit...and then abruptly changed the subject.
He didn`t want to make the man feel any more uncomfortable than he was already.
The guy started to promise this and that, within in a year the money will be back with interest in my dads pocket and so on...dad didn`t listen anymore, just smiled and gave him some more whiskey.
After about 15 minutes the guy left.
Me ( especially me, cos back then I was the cheapskate of the World ) and the rest of the family where stunned just like the guy was, kept looking at Dad, and just when we wanted to start asking questions, one look by my Father told us that there was nothing to ask.

So, years went by. The guy had started the buisness, became very succesfull...and avoided my Father like the plague. Changed sides of the street, never went to the same pubs my dad did...he just avoided him at all costs.
I asked my Dad about that, the money the guy owes him and why he doesn`t do something about it.
Dad`s only response was this:
" Well, he owes me money. Why should I go to him ? He should come to me, and if he wont, well, that`s his problem, not mine."
And that was it.

Later on, I found out that my Dad gave numerous free rides to people in his cab, even on really, really, really long tripps...that he lend money to who knows how many people..and never-ever asked anyone to give it back to him.
If someone did, usually they would end up in a pub and drink and eat until the returned money is all gone...
And ever since then, I try my best to be like him. But, that is for later.

So, today, this friend of mine walks into my house, starts cussing and talkin` really bad stuff about a guy who isn`t returning him 100 bucks for a year now. Says he is going to go to his place, brake his jaw, vandalize his car in the night and whatnot...took him half an hour to finish his rant, and then he vanished...maybe to do like he said. It`s not like this friend of mine is poor, he is a very succesfull accountant, so I don`t undesrtand what the fuss is about a lousy hundred bucks.
And that`s when I rememebered the way my Dad was.

What I want to ask you guys - how are you with lending money to people ?
Do you do it at all, and if you do it, do you behave like this friend of mine..or at least remotely similar to mu Dad ?
Can you forgive or would you say that people who aren`t returning the money are disrespectful and such ?

Thanks for reading and the answers if there is to be any.

Your Dad sounds like a really good person with their head screwed on the right way. So do you. I actually find it hard to lend money as I ususally don't have enough to lend. If I do lend money I never ask or expect it to come back. Sometimes I am right sometimes not. But I would never ask to borrow money in the first place. I don't think much of people who borrow and don't return anything, be it money, books, food or anything. Then it's taking. I always feel like I am being taken for a fool and I don't like that feeling, especially when I was trying to help. You are indeed good people.

[rose key]

I don't have much money; I live paycheck to paycheck, but about 6 months ago, a "good" friend of mine had lost his job. Every week he asked me money for one thing or another. $75 to pay a ticket, or his license would be suspended, $50 for a credit card bill, he just needed another $100 to make his rent payment, phone payment, whatever. All along he was promising he would pay me back "next week", "as soon as I get a job", etc. Six months after he got his job, he never calls me, I don't see him around anymore. I just heard he bought a house, and is getting married. Isn't that nice for him?
I don't ever expect to get any money back, and to tell the truth, I never really expected any of it back. Your father was right, though. That's his (my friend's) problem. I'm not going to ask him for the money, he should come to me. Let him live with it hanging over his head. I did the right thing at the time, and I'm not going to ask him for anything.
Yes, I would so it again for someone else if they asked. Not everyone is a total jerk.

[Charms7]

I don't loan people money or other material things. When I give somebody something, it is a gift. If they want to pay it forward or back, that is their prerogative. I believe life is a circle, a wheel, Ka. What you send out will return to you many times over.

[Bryan James]

I'm easily $80k down and defaulted in school/credit debt. Every morning I wake up, the first thing I think is, "Am I going to get served a lawsuit today?"

It's a tentative existence.

A few weeks ago a disheveled bum asked me for a dollar. I told him I only had a ten-spot. Before he could walk off to find another mark, I just gave him the ten...all the cash I had in the world. That's a lie, I've had $7.55 in my bank account for almost a year now. I tried to donate $5.00 of that to the SK Foundation, but the website wasn't processing info.

Your Dad was a good guy, Srbo. I think you might just be one too.