how do you cope with loss

[aliphil]

i have just lost my baby and i dont know how to cope with it.
my mum says it will just stop hurtting but i dont know how, all i can do is think about it. my hubby suggested that i right down how i am feeling it might make it better so here i am.

i aready have 4 children so every1 keeps telling me they make it better but it doesnt. all i can see when i shut my eyes is the little sack of fluid that came out of me and thinking that is my poor baby. then about 4 hours later i get the plasenta. then i know he or she has realy gone.
all i can do is cry and i dont understand why my hubby cant cry infront of me but can infront of our children. my 8 year old asked me today if the baby can be put back in, how do you answer that 1? my hubby is talking about trying again and all i can think of is that i am to scared to cos i will kill that 1 too.
hu now i have come to the end of this i do feel a bit better thanks for reading

[Cowboy]

Sorry for your loss, things like that are never easy.

[Haunted]

I am so sorry for your loss. No one understands quite like the mother when a baby leaves her warm womb. I am sure everyone around you is a little baffled by your grief as this child they did not have a chance to know has gone away. They did not know your baby, not like you did. And their not understanding your loss is hurting you even more. I am sorry you have to hear their platitudes but that is all they can do for you. You must rest and regain your strength and just take your life right now 1 day or even 1 hour at a time; and you will begin to heal. Your baby will always be a part of you and you will not forget but you will heal. My prayers, Dearest Heart.

[poisonbat]

I can kinda relate, I had an ectopic pregnancy. I had no choice but to have this baby removed from my body. I asked if there was anyway it would survive stuck in my tube and they said no it would kill me when it burst. The thought of that child that could never ever be born bothered me for a long time. That was 19 years ago. But I still wonder if it was a boy or a girl? I named the baby "Angel" Which could be for either sex and speaks as to what she/he is now.

[Haunted]

I am so sorry for your loss. No one understands quite like the mother when a baby leaves her warm womb. I am sure everyone around you is a little baffled by your grief as this child they did not have a chance to know has gone away. They did not know your baby, not like you did. And their not understanding your loss is hurting you even more. I am sorry you have to hear their platitudes but that is all they can do for you. You must rest and regain your strength and just take your life right now 1 day or even 1 hour at a time; and you will begin to heal. Your baby will always be a part of you and you will not forget but you will heal. My prayers, Dearest Heart.

You also mentioned your husband talking about making a new baby. Give your body time to heal or your womb might prove hostile to a new baby.

[Spideyman]

I am so sorry to hear of your loss.

Most loving God,
losing a child is devastating.
Bless all women,
and especially Aliphil.

Comfort them in their loss.
Give them hope
for children to come.
Bless them with an abundance of love
that as their bodies heal,
so too may their hearts.
Give then the courage to face each new day
in the confidence of your love;
in the name of Jesus Christ we pray. Amen.

[aptpupil]

My condolences Alison.

Although this seems like a tragedy, it is often nature's way of stopping something that was destined to go wrong, and the longer that the baby had survived, the harder this miscarriage would have been on you.

My first wife's initial attempt at having a baby ended in this same sad way, over 20 years ago, but a couple of years later we had a son, who was perfectly healthy and is now a wonderful 19-year-old. Whenever I look at him, I realise that we probably would never have had him if the earlier one had survived, so I have to feel that it all worked out for the best in the end, and I'm sure that, if you get pregnant again, you may see things the same way.

PS I also have 4 kids in total, and my other 3 are all pre-school age. Hard work, to say the least, but they bring me lots of pleasure, and I'm sure that, given a little time, yours will put a smile back on your face.

[Perse Jr.]

Aliphil...I'm so sorry. I can tell you this; things do get better. You are probably feeling raw and vulnerable right now, but over time you will get stronger. Every child has a place in a mother's heart and soul, whether they're "here" on Earth or not. A wonderful, fellow SKMBer shared these words with me recently...Grief is no less so because it is a quiet suffering....Take care of yourself and give yourself time to be sad, and get past it when you can. There's no shame in healing. Forgive yourself and your body, because it wasn't your fault. And let your hubbie have a few "free passes" too because he probably just doesn't understand what he's feeling right now either. (((((aliphil))))) Chin up!

[aneaglesangel]

Oh hon, I'm so sorry to hear this. When I was young, I lost a set of twins. It was hard for me to get over too. At the time I didn't have any children, and I took the loss pretty hard too. One thing that I will always believe is that every living thing has a soul, and it goes on. I want you to believe that too. Maybe you won't have another baby, maybe it's not in the cards, but I do believe that you will see this baby, or know that baby in some way, again. I think your husband's idea of writing things down is a great idea. I've lost many people in my life and sometimes the only thing that helps is to write, and to know that they go on, to know that I will see them again. Some believe that God/Jesus/Great Spirit watches over children especially, and I can say that I go with that. I know that somewhere out there a little spark of a soul is in the arms of the greatest protector there is, and maybe if it's in the "big plan" you'll see that tiny soul again. Maybe it won't be your own child, maybe it will be a nephew a niece, or maybe even when your cross over yourself, but know that the soul is at peace and wants you to have peace, too. It's very hard to get over something like this. Give yourself time. Write it out, talk about it, cry. But above all, remember, it's not an ending, it's a beginning. Let people support you right now. We're here for you hon. Every ending is a new beginning and I believe that very firmly. Hugs and love coming your way! Stay strong, the beginning of something is coming for you!

[rose key]

i have just lost my baby and i dont know how to cope with it.
my mum says it will just stop hurtting but i dont know how, all i can do is think about it. my hubby suggested that i right down how i am feeling it might make it better so here i am.

i aready have 4 children so every1 keeps telling me they make it better but it doesnt. all i can see when i shut my eyes is the little sack of fluid that came out of me and thinking that is my poor baby. then about 4 hours later i get the plasenta. then i know he or she has realy gone.
all i can do is cry and i dont understand why my hubby cant cry infront of me but can infront of our children. my 8 year old asked me today if the baby can be put back in, how do you answer that 1? my hubby is talking about trying again and all i can think of is that i am to scared to cos i will kill that 1 too.
hu now i have come to the end of this i do feel a bit better thanks for reading

First of all, I'm so sorry for your loss.
When people say things to you that don't make sense, or you think they are wrong about how you feel, they are just trying to make you feel better in a way that seems right to them. I've never lost a baby, but I've lost both parents, and when someone dies, you never stop hurting, and no one around you can replace that feeling of loss. The only thing you can look forward to time doing for you, is that eventually, you will be able to accept the death, and move on in your life. I'm thinking that maybe your husband wants to be strong for you, that's why he doesn't cry in front of you.
If you believe in God, you can tell your 8 year old that the baby is with God, now, and you will all be together again one day.
Talking about how you feel is the best thing you can do. Talk about your feelings to your husband, your children, and your friends.
((((aliphil)))) (this means hugs)