Hard Road...

[Srbo]

Man, it was always hard for me.
I know, most people are going to say the same, but everybody bears his own Cross, so I can only speak for me...
Sounding once again like a whiner, but I don`t care...it is what it is...

I was born in Germany, lived there for almost 13 years...my dad and mom went there from old Yugoslavia at the end of the sixties to make some money...
And boy, did they ever.
That`s also where they met, fell in love and had my two sisters and me.

When I went too school there, nobody wanted to be friends with me or sit beside me...I was just another " gastarbeiter "...some Yugovich, as they used to say...

Yeah, I had maybe two friends, but that was it.

At the beggining of the 80-ties, August 83 to be exact, I was 12..and my parents decided to move back home.
They made a s-load of money, build a house, we had six cars...and life should`ve been good.
But..once again..I went to school..and nobody wanted to be friends with me..for the first three years or so anyway.
I was " Ze German ".
Funny, I know..or maybe sad..who knows..

Eventually, we grew up..I got older and learned how to gain some respect from people.
You know how you do that ?
Just be quiet when you don`t have something really good to say...and be brave when need be.
Nothing else.

So, from 1986- 7 things were - Heaven. It was so good that I can`t even describe it.
Well, I can, but it would take too long...just imagine how you feel when you are so deep in love that your stomach hurst, your hearts aches, you have really good parents that love you with all their heart, you have at least one good friend, have a really, really, really fat pay check waiting for you and savings to go with it, and you are so happy you are smiling all the time...

You are so happy that you love everybody.

And then came the War.
I don`t want to write about it this time.
So many bad thing happened there that I just want to forget. Which...well, I never can.

So, here I am now in Canada. For almost 14 years.
Man, I love this country. It`s great. It does have it`s flaws, but very little ones. Either they are so little that I cant` see them..or I simply don`t care.

And once again - I am the stranger. I am once again on the Hard Road.
Not so much from the Canadians - they are OK, they are people who take it easy and simple...
They also take it with their heart...and very hard when something goes wrong. They like their freedom. They really do. They are good folks, for real.

But " my " people..people form former YU that also live here..are almost impossible.

I don`t know how, but I became a traitor.

" Srbo...why do you read only books written in English ? Why do you watch only American/English movies ?
Why are you such a fan of Stephen King, Hemmingway and all those other American A-holes ?
Do you know what they did to Serbia? Do you remember how bad it was ? Do you remember the NATO bombings in 99 ? Canada dropped some bombs on us too. How come you are never at some Serbian gatherings ? How come you are not at some protest marchs that we organize ?
They hate us man, how come you don`t get that?"

" Well...I get it, all right.
They hate me so bad that when I came here they gave me a place to live...clean, nice, warm.
They gave me checks for free, just so I can get used to live here without working...to get to know things. And they still would, if I would be out of work. They taught me a new language.
They gave me their passport. They don`t beat me up for no reason. I can be whatever I want to be here, if i set my mind to it. No boundaries here.
Why am I not at protests ? Why are you, man ? Why do you go there, burn the Canadian and American flag regularly, yet you live here, yet this is a country that embraced you, yet you are going to go to work tommorow and kiss someones behind just coz he is your boss, no matter if he is a Canadian, American, black, Muslem, yelloe, maybe from Mars ? Tommowrow you ain`t gonna be that big Serb you are right now...you are going to try to get ZE DOLLAR...
Why am I not at Serbian gatherings ? Why would I be ? After six beers everything thats ever talked about there is how bad it is here and how big of fighters and warriors you were " when it mattered "...
Right.
And now you sit here, collect Welfare checks, have Plazma TV-s of 64 inchess, a good job, two cars, and yet you spit on this soil....
If it`s so bad...why don`t you go home, brother ? There is always an empty seat in some airplane that has Serbias name on it...

Do I remember ?
Yes. I remember. I will never forget.

But...the first two things in my life that I`ve learned were this:
LOVE AND RESPECT.
Be a man. A human being.

Don`t forget where you come form and what happened...but respect where you live.
Is that so hard ?

Apparently it is.

There is no road but a Hard Road...that`s what they say...

Thanks for reading.

[poisonbat]

Brought tears to my eyes, You have seen much that my eyes have not. I am so happy that you are somewhere you are happy. I wonder these same thoughts frequently when I hear people who have chosen to come live here in the US bash it. If you hate it here, why have you come? I get you. I can not say that I have ever felt your particular pain, but I do know about being bullied in school. Not for the same reasons, but still.

[Haunted]

Many, many hugs, Srbo.

[JohnDalglish]

Hi,

Tears to my eyes too, thankee for sharing, Srbo.

Long days and pleasant nights

[mojomofo]

Srbo, I don't know what to say, other than that I was very moved.

I read once (in a preface by SK I believe) that every story is essentially one of two tales; a stranger comes to town, or a man leaves town. You have been both. I know if you were ever to want to share your story, there are many people right here that would love to read it or hear it.

Patriotic BS aside, I think you are a man that has found what is important to him, and that is what you live for. And that is right. So take what strength you need from the SKMB folks, and keep focused on your family.

Guess I had more to say then I thought.

[hipmamajen]

Eventually, we grew up..I got older and learned how to gain some respect from people.
You know how you do that ?
Just be quiet when you don`t have something really good to say...and be brave when need be.
Nothing else.

This is so true, just beautiful.

Thank you for sharing all of this with us. (((((Srbo)))))

[Lizard slushie]

Thank you Srbo for posting your experiences for us.

[Jax]

I think you are a man that has found what is important to him, and that is what you live for. And that is right.

I couldn't agree with mojo more Srbo. Thank you for sharing. (((Srbo)))

[Ubasti]

(((Srbo))) Just remember that your SKMB family from all over the world loves you and doesn't judge you.

[~Ally~]

Hi Srbo, i was very moved by your post. It is clear you have suffered some very difficult times in your life yet you still appear to be a very grounded individual..good luck to you for everything in the future.