English is a crazy language...

[Srbo]

Let’s face it: English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant or ham in hamburger, neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

English muffins were not invented in England or french fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write, but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce, and hammers don’t ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So, one moose, 2 meese? One index, two indices? Is cheese the plural of choose?

If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? How can the weather be hot as hell one day an cold as hell another?

When a house burns up, it burns down. You fill in a form by filling it out and an alarm clock goes off by going on.

When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it?

Now I know why I flunked my English. It’s not my fault; the silly language doesn’t quite know whether it’s coming or going.

[Todash]

Haha ... I have often thought how difficult it must be to learn English as a second language.

[JohnDalglish]

Hi,

Indeed, Srbo, I've got nothing but the greatest respect for anyone like you who learns English as a second language.

Long days and pleasant nights

[Draga]

Nice post!

Nuff Vibez!

[lilydust76]

That's hilarious-things you don't really think about too much because they just are.

[MrsSmeej]

You are so funny Srbo... Not least because you are so correct.

[mojomofo]

Hi,

Indeed, Srbo, I've got nothing but the greatest respect for anyone like you who learns English as a second language.

Long days and pleasant nights

AWJS.

Lord knows I have a hard enough time mangling it as a native, I can't imagine how confusing it is to learn it as a second language.

[Nero]

Haha ... I have often thought how difficult it must be to learn English as a second language.

I learned English as a second language, which then was upgraded to my only language, and my original first language is now my second language with English now being is my first language... does that make sense?

[PatInTheHat]

Ya hit that one on the nose...got it right on the money...thinking outside the box is what I'm sayin'.

If more than one mouse is mice and more than one goose is geese, then why wouldn't more than one moose, be meece?...yeah uh huh, somebody get back to me on that one would ya!
(it's been driving me crazy ever since I had to sit next to the teachers desk for asking and being accused of being a disruptive influence, bane to higher education and a typical all around smart azzz (yeah, that one makes go hmmm too, but I do so like to use it)...hmmph, I still think it's a legitimate question)

[Gallina]

A great post, Srbo!