Parodies (Spoilers for DT 1-7, Stand)

[LadyHitchhiker]

I thought that we could share parodies that we have made! Just to warn you, a lot of mine contain spoilers, and are almost all dark tower related, so be careful when you're reading! Ms. Mod is allowing me to share, and I am overexcited! Ms. Mod suggested I start with 5 but there's not room for 5, so here's 2 of my favorites that I wrote (it was hard to choose), and more to come later!:

I would do anything for Los, But I Won't do that to tune of And I Would Do Anything For Love But I Won't Do That
And I would do anything for Los, I'd run right into hell and back
I would do anything for Los, I'll never lie to you or break my pact
But I'll never forget the way you make me feel right now, oh no, no way
And I would do anything for Los, but I won't do that, I won't do that
Anything for Los, oh I would do anything for Los
I would do anything for Los, but I won't do that, oh I won't do that

Some days I can't be easy, and some days you can't be hard
Some days we don't come at all, and these are the days that never end
Some nights you're breathing fire, and some nights I'm carved in ice
Some nights we're changing the world into what we want it be again

Maybe I'm crazy, but it's crazy and it's true
I know you can save me, no one else can save me now but you

As long as the beams are breaking, as long as the Earth is shaking
As long our dreams are coming true, you better believe it

That I would do anything for Los, and I'll be there til the final act
I would do anything for Los, and I'll take a vow and seal a pact

But I'll never forgive myself if we don't break a beam tonight
And I would do anything for Los, oh I would do anything for Los
Oh I would do anything for Los, but I won't do that, no I won't do that

I would do anything for Los, anything you've been dreaming of
But I just won't do that
(repeats 3x)

(Solo)

Some days I pray for silence, some days I pray for your soul
Some days I just pray to the God of Sex and Drums and Discordia
Some nights I lose all feeling, and some nights I lose control
Some nights I just lose it all when I watch you dance and the thunder rolls

Maybe I'm lonely and just a lonely llama fox Taheen
There's just one and only, the one and only promise I can really mean

As long as the wheels of Anti-Ka are turning, as long as the fire inside me's burning
As long as your plans are coming true, you better believe it

That I would do anything for Los, and you know it's true and that's a fact
I would do anything for Los, and there'll never be no turning back

But I'll never break better than I break with you, so long, so long
And I would do anything for Los, oh I would do anything for Los
I would do anything for Los, but I won't do that, no no no I won't do that

I would do anything for Los, anything you've been dreaming of
But I just won't do that
(repeats 7x)

But I'll never stop dreaming of you every night of my life, no way

And I would do anything for Los, oh I would do anything for Los
I would do anything for Los, but I won't do that, no I won't do that

[Girl:] Will you raise me up, will you help me from being down?
Will you get me right out of this Godforsaken town?
Will you make it all a little less cold?

I can do that! I can do that!

[Girl:] Will you hold me sacred? Will you hold me tight?
Can you colorize my life, I'm so sick of red and white?
Can you make me feel a little less old?

[Boy:] I can do that! Oh oh, now I can do that!

[Girl:] Will you make me some magic, with your own two hands?
Can you build a tower before me with these grains of sand?
Can you give me something I can call home?

[Boy:] I can do that! Oh oh now, I can do that!

[Girl:] Will you cater to every fantasy I got?
Will ya hose me down with holy water, if I get too hot?
Will you take me places I've never known?

[Boy:] I can do that! Oh oh now, I can do that!

[Girl:] After a while you'll forget everything
It was a brief interlude and a midsummer night's fling
And you'll see that it's time for the world to move on

[Boy:] I won't do that! No I won't do that!

[Girl:] I know the territories, I've been around
It'll all turn to dust and we'll all fall down
And sooner or later, you'll be screwing around

[Boy:] I won't do that! No I won't do that!

Anything for Los, oh I would do anything for Los
I would do anything for Los, but I won't do that, no I won't do that


[B]Pretty Mordred to tune of Pretty Woman
Pretty Mordred, crawling down the street
Pretty Mordred, the kind who likes to eat
Pretty Mordred
I don't believe you, you can't be true
No one could look as good as you
Mercy

Pretty Mordred, won't you pardon me
Pretty Mordred, I couldn't help see
Pretty Mordred
That you look lovely as can be
Are you hungry just like me
Wow

Pretty Mordred, stop a while
Pretty Mordred, talk a while
Pretty Mordred, gave your smile to me
Pretty Mordred, yeah yeah yeah
Pretty Mordred, look my way
Pretty Mordred, say you'll stay with me
'Cause I need you, I'll treat you right
Come spiderbaby, be mine tonight

Pretty Mordred, don't walk on by
Pretty Mordred, make me cry
Pretty Mordred, don't walk away, hey...okay
If that's the way it must be, okay
I guess I'll go to the tower, it's late
There'll be tomorrow night, but wait
What do I see
Is he crawling back to me
Yeah, he's crawling back to me
Oh, oh, Pretty Mordred

[mojomofo]

Those are great! I really like the "Pretty Mordred" one, I can just picture Orbison crooning now!

[bopropadop]

Nice! Thankee for sharing with us!

[LadyHitchhiker]

Here's two more (I think I'll go in intervals of twos for a while):

I STARTED A JOKE PARODY
I started a quest, which started the whole world smiling,
But I didn't see that the joke was on me, oh no.

I started to cry, which started the whole world laughing,
Oh, if I’d only seen that the joke was on me.

I looked at the skies, finding the beams with both my eyes,
And I fell out of bed, hurting my head from things that I'd said.

Til I finally died, which started the whole world living,
Oh, if I’d only seen that the joke was on me.

I looked at the skies, finding the beams with both my eyes,
And I fell into this world, hurting my head from losing my girl.

til I finally died, which started the whole world living,
Oh, if I’d only seen that the joke was one me.


Suddenly Roland to tune of Suddenly Seymoure
[Roland]
Lift up your head
Eat a tooterfish sandwich
Here, take some astin
Put your wheelchair away
Forget not your father's face, we'll walk till it's mornin'
I know things'll get bad, but you'll be okay

Suddenly Roland is standin' beside you
You don't need no jewelery, just us to defend
Suddenly Roland is here to provide you
A little heavy-handing
Roland's your friend

[Susannah]
Nobody ever treats me unkindly
Daddy was a dentist
Mama was sure
I’ve met this new man and I'll follow him blindly
He's missing a few fingers
But that makes me more sure

Suddenly Roland is standin' beside me
He gives the right orders
He don't condescend
Suddenly Roland is here to provide me
A little heavy-handing
Roland's my friend

[Roland]
Tell me this journey won't last forever
Tell me the good times won't be swept away

[Susannah]
Please understand that it's still strange and fright'nin'
For a ka-tet like ours is it's so hard to say

[Roland]
Suddenly Roland,
He purified me
Suddenly Roland
He showed me I can
Learn how to be more
The girl that's inside me
with a little heavy-handing
with a little heavy-handing
with a little heavy-handing
Roland's the man!

[Roland] [Susannah] [Rest of Ka-tet]
Suddenly Roland,
He purified you
Suddenly Roland
Yes, you can
Learn how to be more
The girl that's inside you
with a little heavy-handing
with a little heavy-handing
with a little heavy-handing
Roland's our man

[LadyHitchhiker]

Red King Arising to tune of Bad Moon Arising
I see the Red King arising.
I see trouble on the way.
I see Beamquakes and lightnin.
I see bad times for you today.

Don’t go around tonight,
Well, he's bound to take your life,
there's a Red King on the rise.

I hear the dark winds ablowing.
I know beam's end is coming soon.
I fear feelings over flowing.
I hear the voice of rage and ruin.

don't mess around tonight,
Well, he's bound to change your life,
there's a Red King on the rise.
All right!

Hope you got your s##t together.
Hope you are quite prepared to die.
Looks like were in for nasty weather.
A gunslinger's going to die tonight.

don't mess around tonight,
Well, he's bound to change your life,
there's a Red King on the rise.
don't go around tonight,
Well, he's bound to change your life,
there's a Red King on the rise.

DOESN’T REMIND ME OF ANYTHING PARODY
I walk the beam's path till my ka-tet’s lost
Cause it doesn't remind me of anything
Visit graveyards for my worn out hoss
Cause it doesn't remind me of anything
I like studying faces in battles I've fought
Cause it doesn't remind me of anything
I like going foward with my talking dog
Cause it doesn't remind me of anything

[Chorus]
The things that I've loved the things that I've lost
The boy I held sacred that I dropped
I won't lie no more you can bet
I don't want to learn what I'll love and forget

I like Eddie's jokes and riddle talk
Cause it doesn't remind me of anything
I like tavern music, Susannah's drawl
Cause it doesn't remind me of anything
I like heading to the clearing in the sun
Cause it doesn't remind me of anything
I like loading my guns and speaking in tongues
Cause it doesn't remind me of anything

[Chorus]
The things that I've loved the things that I've lost
The boy I held sacred that I dropped
I won't lie no more you can bet
I don't want to lose what I need

Lose me forget me
I love the way we were
Slow and smoothly
Like never before
Calm and brooding
I won't stir up the past
So descretely
I won't look back

[Chorus]
The things that I've loved the things that I've lost
The things I've held sacred at all cost
I won't lie no more you can bet
I don't want to leave what I'll need

I like losing my voice and breaking more hearts
Cause it doesn't remind me of anything
I like fighting in the sand what's mine is yours
If it doesn't remind me of anything

[Nero]

Since we are doing parodies, I thought we could have fun with this setup.

I'm sure most are familiar with the Bud Light Presents (real men of genius, real american heroes, etc) commercials on the airwaves. Here's my version:

Bud Light Presents: Real Men of Gilead

Bud Light presents: Real Men of Gilead
(Real men of Gilead!)
Today we salute you Mr. Relentless Gunslinging Dark Tower Pursuer
(Mr. Relentless Gunslinging Dark Tower Pursuer!)
Wielding the Sandalwood Gripped Guns of Your Father, you are a force to be reckoned with
(Hail of bullets fury!)
Who wants to negotiate when you can put Hard Calibers right between someone’s eyes?
(Watch those brains fly! Ooh Ooh!)
You keep accumulating new companions from different When’s and Where’s
(Don’t forget the Tooterfish!)
Your friends jokes may make you laugh, until the lobstrosities barrel around the corner…
(Where’s my fingers?)
Take my extra gun and shoot, For Your Father’s Sake!
(But with Your Heart, not with The Gun!)
So crack open an Ice Cold Bud Light, Mr. Relentless Gunslinging Dark Tower Pursuer
Because even in our darkest times of need, we can always count on your to let us die for your D*mn Tower.

[Moderator]

:rofl:

[Carri]

Very cute!

[LadyHitchhiker]

(I love real men of gilead.. i will never watch another bud commercial without Roland in my head!!!!!!!!!!!!)


(Now, tis the season!)
All I want for Christmas is you parody
I don't want a lot from Gilead
There is just one thing I need
I don’t care who you tie and burn
To the Charyu tree
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want from Gilead is you

I don't want a lot from Gilead
There is just one thing I need
I don’t care who you tie and burn
To the Charyu tree

I don't need to hang my pistol
There in my holster
Gunnas won’t make me happy
As a toy on Christmas day

I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want from Gilead is you

I won't ask for much from Gilead
I won't even wish for snow
And I, I just wanna keep on waiting
In this bonfire’s glow

I won't make a list and send it
Ask for astin so I won’t be sick
I won't even stay awake
To hear those magic triggers click

Cause I just want you here tonight
Holding onto me so tight
What more can I do
Oh baby, all I want from Gilead is you

All the stars are shining
So brightly everywhere
And the sound of Roland’s
Laughter fills the air

And everyone is singing
I hear those blaine’s wheels spinning
Walter won't you bring me
The one I really need
Won't you please bring my baby to me, quickly

I don't want a lot from Gilead
This is all I'm asking for
I just wanna see my baby
Standing right outside the door

I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
Baby, all I want from Gilead is you

All I want from Gilead is you, baby

Leaving on a jet plane parody
All my drugs are packed
I’m ready to go
Got a tourist shirt to cover the load
I have no one to wake to say goodbye
And my heart is achin
It’s early morn
The taxis waitin
He’s blowin his horn
Already I’m so jonesing
I could die

So see me and smile for me
Tell me that you’ll wait on me
And to this world I never will let go
cause I’m leavin on a jet plane
Don’t know when I will land again
Oh man, I hate to go

There’s so many times that I’ve come down
So many times I’ve messed around
I tell you now, life don’t mean a thing
Evry place I go, Ill think of you
Evry song I sing, Ill sing for you
When I come back, I’ll have my own drug ring

So see me and smile for me
Tell me that you’ll wait on me
And to this world I never will let go
cause I’m leavin on a jet plane
Don’t know when I will land again
Oh man, I hate to go

Now the time has for Roland to meet you
One more time
Let me see you
Then close my eyes
We’ll be on our way
Dream about the days to come
When I won’t have my drugs to cope
For how long a time, I wont have to say

So see me and smile for me
Tell me that you’ll wait on me
And to this world I never will let go
cause I’m leavin on a jet plane
Don’t know when I will land again
Oh man, I hate to go

But, I’m leavin on a jet plane
Don’t know when I will land again
Oh man, I hate to go

[LadyHitchhiker]

Janie's Got A Gun Parody
Dum, dum, dum, honey what have you done
Dum, dum, dum, it's the sound of my gun
Dum, dum, dum, honey what have you done
Dum, dum, dum, it's the sound, it's the sound...
Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah....

S’zanna’s got a gun
Szanna’s got a gun
All the worlds’ve come undone
Can’t plot the days by the sun
What did that bad guy do?
Throw a brick right on you?

You know he never got arrested
He threw the kid into a cab
But man, he had it comin'
Now that S’zanna’s got a gun
She ain't never gonna let ‘im be bad

S’zanna’s got a gun
S’zanna’s got a gun
Her dog day's just begun
Now everybody is on the run
Tell her now it's untrue
What did that bad guy do?

He jacked the little bitty baby
The man drove her quite insane
They say that Walter made him blunder
The lightnin' and the thunder
Knew that someone had to start the pain

Run away, run away from the pain
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

Run away, run away from the pain
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Run away, run away, run, run away

S’zanna’s got a gun
S’zanna’s got a gun
Her dog day's just begun
Now everybody is on the run
Tell me it's not true
It's S’zanna’s last I.O.U.

She had to take him down easy
And put a bullet in his brain
She said 'cause nobody believes me
The man made me a sleeze
He ain't never gonna be the same

Run away, run away from the pain
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Run away, run away from the pain
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Run away, run away, run, run away

S’zanna’s got a gun
S’zanna’s got a gun
S’zanna’s got a gun
Everybody is on the run

S’zanna’s got a gun
Her dog day's just begun
Now everybody's on the run (Honey, honey what's your problem)
'Cause S’zanna’s got a gun (Tell me it ain't right)
S’zanna’s got a gun (Was it bad guy’s head lobbin')
Her dog day's just begun (That made you scream at night)
Now everybody's on the run
S’zanna’s got a gun

Bob Dylan - Just Like A Woman PARODY
Nobody feels any pain
Tonight as I stand inside the rain
Ev'rybody knows
That Eddie's got new clothes
But lately I see his taunting and his jokes
Have fallen from his mouth curled
He takes just like a tower, yes he does
He makes love and thinks of the tower, yes he does
And he aches to be at the tower
But he breaks just like a little girl.

Crimson King, I'll see you at the end
Yes, I believe I'll go see him again
Nobody has to guess
That Eddie can't be blessed
Till he finally sees that he's like all the rest
With his fog, his devil grass, his mouth curled
He takes just like a tower, yes he does
He makes love and thinks of the tower, yes he does
And he aches to be at the tower
But he breaks just like a little girl.

It's was the beach I saw him first
And I was dying there of thirst
So I came in here
And your long-time curse hurts
But what's worse
Is this pain in here
I can't stay in here
Ain't it clear that.

I just can't fit
Yes, I believe it's time for our quest
When we meet again
Introduced as friends
Please don't let on that you knew me when
I was hungry chasing after the tower
Ah he fakes just like a tower, yes he does
He makes love and thinks of the tower, yes he does
And he aches to be at the tower
But he breaks just like a little girl.

STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN PARODY
There's a lady whose wheelchair glitters likes gold
And she's following a stairway to the tower
And when she gets there she knows if the doors are closed
She'll just have to pound them down

Oy
And she are climbing the stairway to the tower

There's a sign in the sky but she wants to be sure
And she knows words like ka-tet have two meanings
In a tree by the brook there's a metal bear losing it
She thinks Rolands thoughts may be misgiven

Oy
And she are climbing the stairway to the tower

There's a feeling she gets when she looks to the west
And her spirit is crying for leaving
In her thoughts she has seen the beam's path in the sky and the trees
And she hears the voices of her ka-tet who stand looking

Oy
And she are climbing the stairway to the tower

And it's whispered that soon, if we all call the tune
Then our Roland will lead us to reason
And a new day will dawn and we'll sing Susannah's song
And the forest will echo with laughter

And it makes me wonder

If there's a bristle in your billybumbler
Don't be alarmed now
We're just a short way from the Crimson King.

Yes there are two paths you can go by
but in the long run
There's still time to change the road you're on

Your head is humming and it won't go in case until you do know
That Roland's calling you to join him
Dear lady can't you hear the wind blow and did you know
Your tower lies on the whispering wind

And as we wind on down the road
The lady of shadows bears her soul
There walks a lady we all know
Who shines white legs and wants to show
How everything still owns is gold
And if you listen very hard
The tune will come to you at last
When all are one and one is all
To be a rock and not to roll
Oy
And she are climbing the stairway to the tower

There's a lady whose wheelchair glitters likes gold
And she's following a stairway to the tower
And when she gets there she knows if the doors are closed
She'll just have to pound them down

And she's climbing the stairway to the tower

[LadyHitchhiker]

Don’t Fear the Reaper parody
All the worlds moved on
Here but now they're gone
Roland don't fear the future
Nor do the wind, the sun or the rain..we can be like they are
Come on Roland...don't fear the future
Let me read the cards...don't fear the future
We'll be able to fly...don't fear the future
Baby I'm your man...

All our time is done
Here but now they're gone
Eddie and Susannah
Are together in eternity...Eddie and Susannah
40,000 different world everyday...Like Eddie and Susannah
40,000 different world everyday...Redefine happiness
Another 40,000 coming everyday...We can be like they are
Come on baby...don't fear the future
Baby take my gun...don't fear the future
We'll be able to fly...don't fear the future
Baby I'm your man...

Love, we followed on
Here but now they're gone
Came the last night of madness
And it was clear he couldn't go on
Then the door was open and Eddie appeared
The door opened and Jake appeared
The door opened and Sus’ appeared saying don't be afraid
Come on baby...and he had no fear
And she rolled to him...then they started to fly
They looked backward and said goodbye... she had become like they are
She had taken his hand...she had become like they are
Come on baby...don't fear the future

To tune of Say It Ain’t So by Weezer
Oh yeah.
All right.
Somebody’s heroine is helping my detox
Somebody’s succubus is giving me chills.
Guess I’ll just close my eyes.
Oh yeah.
All right.
Feels good.
Inside.
Flip on the telly... wrestle with willy.
Somethin is bubblin inside my mind
The bottle is ready to go.
Say it ain't so a-woah-a-woah.
Your job as a heartbreaker.
Say it ain't so a-woah-a-woah.
My love is a life-taker.
I can’t confront you, I never could do...
That which might hurt you.
Try and be cool, when I say:
This way is-a-beambreak-away-from-you-that-takes-your-tower-everyday!
Be cool.
Say it ain’t so a-woah-a-woah.
Your job as a gunslinger
Say it ain’t so a-woah-a-woah.
My love is a life-taker!
“Dear Eddie, I write you in spite of years of silence.
You cleaned up, found Jesus, things are good also I hear.”
This bottle of Stevens awakens ancient feelings...
Like father, step-father...
The son is drowning in the flood! yeah yeah-yeah yeah-yeah!
Say it ain’t so a-woah-a-woah.
Your job as a gunslinger
Say it ain’t so a-woah-a-woah.
My love is a life-taker!

Randall Flagg's Love Song... to tune of POSSUM KINGDOM
Make up your mind
Decide to walk with me
Around Allworld tonight
Around Allworld tonight
By my side
By my side
I'm not gonna lie
I'll not be a gentleman
Behind the barn then
I'll show you my dark secret
I'm not gonna lie
I want you for mine
My blushing bride
My lover, be the mother, yeah...
Don't be afraid
I didn't mean to scare you
So help me, Jesus
I can promise you
You'll stay as beautiful
With white hair
And soft skin...forever
Forever
Make up your mind
Make up your mind
And I'll promise you
I will treat you well
My sweet angel
So help me, Jesus
(hey, hey, hey)
Give your soul to me
Give your soul to me
Do you wanna be
My angel?
So help me!
Be my angel
Be my angel
Do you wanna die?
I promise you
I will treat you well
My sweet angel
So help me, Jesus
Maejis
Maejis
Maejis...

[LadyHitchhiker]

"Hey There Susannah" to tune of “Hey there Delilah”
Hey there Susannah
What's it like in New York City?
I'm a thousand worlds away
But girl, tonight you look so pretty
Yes you do
Keystone can't shine as bright as you
I swear it's true

Hey there Susannah
Don't you worry about the distance
I'm right there if you get lonely
Walk through the door give a listen
Close your eyes
Listen to my voice, it's my disguise
I'm by your side

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me

Hey there Susannah
I know times are getting hard
But just believe me, girl
Someday we'll find a place where things won't be so hard
We'll have it good
We'll have the life we knew we would
My word is good

Hey there Susannah
I've got so much left to say
If every simple song I wrote to you
Would take your breath away
I'd write it all
Even more in love with me you'd fall
We'd have it all

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me

A thousand miles seems pretty far
But they've got doors and chairs and cars
I'd walk to you if I had no other way
Our friends would all make fun of us
and we'll just laugh along because we know
That none of them have felt this way
Susannah I can promise you
That by the time we get through
The worlds will never ever be the same
And you're to blame

Hey there Susannah
You be good and don't you miss me
Few more years and you'll have all the tools
And we'll ll be making history like I do
You'll know it's all because of you
We can do whatever we want to
Hey there Susannah here's to you
This one's for you

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me.

Too late to apologize parody
I'm holding on your rope,
You're hanging hundreds feet from the ground
I'm hearin what you say but I just can't make a sound
You tell me that you need me
Then I go and cut you down, but wait
I tell you that I'm sorry
Didn't think I'd turn around, and say...

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late

I'd take another chance, let you fall
Take a shot for you
And I need you like a heart needs a beat
But it's nothin new - yeah yeah
I loved you through the pow'r ' red-
Now it's turning blue, and you say...
"Sorry" like the blue heaven let me think was you
But I'm afraid...

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late
It's too late to apologize, yeah
I said it's too late to apologize, yeah-
I'm holding on your rope,
You're hanging hundreds feet from the ground

Parody of Squeezebox by the Who
S'zanna's got a gun now
She wears on her chest
And when Eddie comes home
He never gets no rest

cause she’s shooting all night
And her aim is all right
S'zanna's got a gun now
Eddie never sleeps at night

Well the Jake don’t eat
And the Oy can't sleep
There’s no escape from the shooting
In the whole damn street

cause she’s shooting all night
And her aim is all right
S'zanna's got a gun now
Eddie never sleeps at night

Trigger’s in and out and in and out and in and out and in and out
Trigger’s in and out and in and out and in and out and in and out

cause she’s shooting all night
And her aim is all right
S'zanna's got a gun now
Eddie never sleeps at night

He goes, squeeze me, come on and squeeze me
Come on and tease me like you do
I’m so in love with you
S'zanna's got a gun now
Eddie never sleeps at night

Trigger’s in and out and in and out and in and out and in and out
Trigger’s in and out and in and out and in and out and in and out

cause she’s shooting all night
And her aim is all right
S'zanna's got a gun now
Eddie never sleeps at night

[LadyHitchhiker]

In Just Seven Days I can make you a man parody
A gunslinger weighing ninety-eight pounds
Will get sand in his face but will stay off the ground.
And soon after O'dim with a determined chin,
The sweat seeps from his pores as he works for his cause...
Will make him glisten... and gleam
And with sacrifice he'll follow the beams
He'll make it to the end
He'll be a strong man. Oh honey...
And the wrong man.

He'll eat tooterfish sandwiches and he'll chop off your head
try to stab a spider in the chest, arms, and legs
Such an effort if he only knew of my plan.
In just seven hours, I can bring you the tower.

He'll shoot cyborg-bears, fight men in black, and lobstrosities berserk
He thinks emotional baggage is just too much hard work.
He's so unforgiving I just don't understand
When in just seven hours, I can bring you to the tower

Coming Home parody (From Rocky Horror Picture Show)
On the day I went away... goodbye...
Was all I had to say... now I...
I want to come again and stay... Oh my my...
Don't drop the horn and that will mean that I may

Cause I've seen the tower, through the tears
In my eyes
And I realise.. I'm going home.

Everywhere it's been the same... trying to learn some feelings...
Like I'm outside in the rain... with Susannah wheeling...
Free, to try and find a game... dealing...
Cards for prisoners, cards for bane

Cause I've seen blue skies through the tears
In my eyes
And I realise.. I'm going home.

I'm going home, I'm going home.

Sweet Transvestite parody
How d'you do, I see you've spotted the hiding low men
They're just a little keyed up because when you showed up
they thought they were going to win with the dark man.
Don't get hung up by the way I look
don't judge a book by its cover
I may be missing a few fingers here or there
but I can still shoot you before you blow your cover.

I'm just a Sweet Gunslinger from Gilead now gone away.

So let me show you around, we'll listen to lobstrosities sounds
I looked through a door, thought I was in a movie
Or if you want something physical, that's not too abysmal
I can show you how to shoot a gun like me.

I'm glad we found you alone, and that we're not alone
in this world that seems to have moved on in a flurry.
We'll just go back through the door, and try to ignore
anything happened so we don't have to worry.

So you got caught on a world that you think is flat
Well children don't you panic
By the light of the night I'll make it alright
and we will all escape Fannin.

I'm just a Sweet Gunslinger from Gilead now gone away.

So why don't you stay for the night? Or maybe a bite?
I could show you my favourite obsession.
I've been following a tower and a dark man
and he's good for making a great suspension.

I'm just a Sweet Gunslinger from Gilead now gone away.

So let's go up to the tower, maybe we'll take a shower.
I see you shiver with antici... pation!
But maybe the wind isn't really the sin.
So I'll remove the cause, but not the symptom.

Rose Tints My World Parody from Rocky Horror Picture Show
Susan:
It was great when it all began
I was a regular Roland fan.
But it was over when I found out his plan
to start walking towards the tower land
Now the only thing that gives me hope
is my love who’s now off the dope
A rose in my world
will keep me safe from my trouble and pain.

Eddie:
I just gave up drugs seven hours ago.
I'm truly clever or so I'm told
And someone should be told
My sense of humor's never been controlled
Now the only thing I've come to trust
is a gun and this gal I lust
A rose in my world
will keep me safe from my trouble and pain.

Jake: It's beyond me, help me Mommy
I'll shoot good, you'll see
Take my father's face away
What's this? I see? The tower before me.
What's come over me!
Whoo! There is is again!

Oy: 'Oa.. I am 'e'leased
'ad 'imes de'eased
'y 'ocabulary's increased
‘eality is ‘ere
the kat-tet 'as been disbanded
'y 'ind 'as been expanded
It's a 'rip 'ince Roland's 'anded
His quest is so sincere!

Roland: Whatever happened to O'dim?
For many a year I chased him
as my mule began to die
oh how I started to cry
cause I knew I'd have to walk the rest of the way.
Give up every special pleasure.
Forget all the needs of the flesh.
We'll follow the tower, take any measure
and fight all the succubi who offer us pleasure.
Can't you just see it?
Don't dream it, be it, don't dream it, be it
Don't dream it, be it, don't dream it, be it
Don't dream it, be it, don't dream it, be it
Don't dream it, be it, don't dream it, be it

Father Callahan: We've got to stop following this man before our souls can't be redeemed from all the kills. I've got to be strong and try to hang on or else my mind may very well snap and my life will be lived for the kills!

Jake: It's beyond me, help me Mommy

Susan: I think I really need a beer.

Roland My my my, my my my my my My my my my my-y I'm a wild and an untamed thing
Run away from the damn taheen
We'll run to the tower and our guns will sling
Your heart'll thump and your blood will sing
So let the ka-tet all rock on
I'm gonna shake it 'til the last one's gone gone gone
A rose in my world
will keep me safe from my trouble and pain.

All: We're a wild and an untamed thing
Run away from the damn taheen
We'll run to the tower and our guns will sling
Your heart'll thump and your blood will sing
So let the ka-tet all rock on
We're gonna shake it 'til the last one's gone gone gone
A rose in my world
will keep me safe from my trouble and pain.

Crimson King: Roland Deschain you must loop again
You dropped the Horn of Eld,
didn't love anyone besides your girl you see
I'm the new commander, you now are the prisoner
We return to Keystone Earth, don't forget the Black 19.

[LadyHitchhiker]

Parody of Slither by Velvet Revolver
When you look you see right through me,
I cut the rope, I fall to my knees,
Reborn and broken every single time,
Always lose a few more fingers,
That's the spot where you run to me,
Might see some type of pleasure in my mind,

Yeah here comes the tower
It comes to wash away the sins of you and I,
This time you'll see,

When you fulfill me, you destroy me,
Rape my mind and smell the rosefields,
Reborn and bloodied every single time,
Always lose a few more fingers,
That's the spot where you might linger,
Might see some type of pleasure in my mind,

Yeah, here comes the tower,
It comes to wash away the sins of you and I,
This time you'll see, the holy tower,
It only kills you faster than you'd ever try,
This time with me,

When you look you see right through me,
I cut the rope, I fall to my knees,
Reborn and blooded every single time,

Yeah, here comes the tower,
It comes to wash away the sins of you and I,
This time you'll see, the holy tower,
It only kills you faster than you'd ever try,
This time with me,

Land Down Under Parody
Traveling on a fried-out mule-beast
On the tower trail, head full of purpose
I met a man named brown, told me to say hi to Jesus
He took me in, fed me beans for breakfast
And he said
"Do you come from a land called Gilead?
Where women blow and men are gunslingers?
Are you on, are you on the way to the tower?
You better run, you better take cover."

Sitting in a plane inside another man
Smuggling drugs under a shirt Hawaiian
I said to the stewardess, "Do you speak-a my language?"
She just smiled and gave me a tooterfish sandwich
And she said,

"Do you come from a land called Gilead?
Where women blow and men are gunslingers?
Are you on, are you on the way to the tower?
You better run, you better take cover."

Talking out in the desert,
I could kill that man but it's more than he deserves
I said to the man, "Are you trying to tempt me
Because I come from the land of plenty?"
And he said,

"Oh! Do you come from a land called Gilead?
Where women blow and men are gunslingers?
Are you on, are you on the way to the tower?
You better run, you better take cover."

[LadyHitchhiker]

(Weird Al's the Night Santa Went Crazy parody)
Down in ol' keystone in the city full of noise
were the Gilead girls and the Gilead boys
When the b**ch busted in, nearly scared 'em half to death
Had a rifle in her hands and cheap whiskey on her breath
From her fro to her wheels she was covered with ammo
Like a big black drunk disabled negro Rambo
And she smiled as she said with a twinkle in her eye,
"Merry Christmas to all - now you're all gonna die!"

The night S'zannah went crazy
The night Detta went insane
Realized she'd been gettin' a raw deal
Something finally must have snapped in her brain

Well, keystone is gone now, she decided to bomb it
Everywhere you'll find pieces of New Yorker vomit
And she tied up her helpers and she held the kids hostage
And she ground up poor Mordred into spider sausage
She got Father Callahan with an old German Luger
And she slashed up Randall just like Freddy Krueger
And she picked up a flamethrower and she barbequed Crimson
And she took a big bite and said, "The king tastes like chicken!"

The night S'zanna went crazy
The night Mrs. Dean went just nuts
Now you can't hardly walk through a magic door now
Without steppin' in someone's guts

There's the National Guard and the F.B.I.
There's a van from the Eyewitness News
And helicopters circlin' 'round in the sky
And the bullets are flyin', the body count's risin'
And everyone's dyin' to know, Susannah, why?
Well well well well well well
You used to be such a funny gal

Yes, Virginia, now Susannah's doin' time
In a federal prison for her infamous crime
Hey, little friend, now don't you cry no more tears
She'll be out with good behavior in 700 more years
But now Roland's in therapy and Oy he's still nervous
And Jake's got a job now working for the postal service
And they say Eddie Dean, he's on the phone every night
With his lawyer negotiating the movie rights

They're talkin' bout - the night S'zanna went crazy
The night Susannah Dean flipped
Broke her back for a tower and looky
Sounds to me like she was tired of gettin' gypped

Wo, the night S'zanna went crazy
The night Mz Dean went insane
Realized she's gettin' a raw deal
Something finally must have snapped in her brain
Wo, something finally must have snapped in her brain
Tell ya, something finally must have snapped... in her brain

To tune of any other world by Mika
In any other world
You could make a difference
But instead let myself fall
Into broken remnants

Smile like you mean it
And let yourself let go

'Cause it's all in the hands of bitter, bitter old Gan
Say goodbye to the world you thought you lived in
Take a bow, walk out west on a lonely lonely quest
Say goodbye to the world you thought you lived in
To the world you thought you lived in

I tried to walk alone
But lonely is so lonely, alone
So human as I am
I had to look over other fences

So I smiled and tried to mean it
And then tried to let go

'Cause it's all in the hands of bitter, bitter old Gan
Say goodbye to the world you thought you lived in
Take a bow, walk out west on a lonely lonely quest
Say goodbye to the world you thought you lived in
To the world you thought you lived in

'Cause it's all in the hands of a bitter, bitter old man
Say goodbye to the world you thought you lived in
Take a bow, play the part of a lonely lonely heart
Say goodbye to the world you thought you lived in
To the world you thought you lived in

Say goodbye to the world you thought you lived in [x2]
Say goodbye

In any other world
You could make a difference

[Spoken]
"I never ever, I remember my story.
My face is no sad, but inside, I am dead."

Parody of The World Is Not Enough
I know how to hurt
I know how to kill
I know what to torture
And what to reveal
I know when to talk
And I know when to push
No one ever died from wanting too much

Chorus:
This world is not enough
But it is such a perfect place to start, my love
And if you're strong enough
Together we find other worlds than these, my love

People like us
Learn how to survive
There's no point in living
If you can't ever fight
We know who we'll miss
And we know when to kill
If I can't have it all
Then nobody will

Chorus

I...I feel sick
I...I feel aware
I...I feel ready
And ka-tet prepare

Chorus

This world is not enough
This world is not enough


To tune of sexyback
I'm bringin' Eddie back
Those lobstrosities won't know how to act
I see you've got a weapon behind your back
So come through the door and help pick up the slack

[Bridge]
Dirty Dude
You see these shackles, don't have to be so rude
Don't have to give me none of that attitude
It's just that when I'm messed up I talk real lewd
(take it to the chorus)

[Chorus]
Come here boy, go head be gone with it
Come on back, go head be gone with it
Jakey, bring Oy to me
Lemme see what you're working with
Gun at your hips
Make me smile
Go 'head child and get your holster on

I'm bringin' Eddie back
Them ganster ****ers don't know how to act
Ed let me make up for all the things you lack
Because I'm burning up I got to have astin fast

(Take it to the bridge)

Dirty Babe
You see these shackles baby I'm your slave
I'll let you whip me if I misbehave
It's just that no one makes me feel this way

(take it to the chorus)

Dirty Dude
You see these shackles, don't have to be so rude
Don't have to give me none of that attitude
It's just that when I'm messed up I talk real lewd
(take it to the chorus)

Come here boy, go head be gone with it
Come on back, go head be gone with it
Jakey, bring Oy to me
Lemme see what you're working with
Gun at your hips
Make me smile
Go 'head child and get your holster on

I'm bringin' Eddie back
Those lobstrosities won't know how to act
I see you've got a weapon behind your back
So come through the door and help pick up the slack

[LadyHitchhiker]

I MISS MY FRIEND PARODY
I miss the look of justice in your eyes
The way your soft brown hair would fall
I miss the power of your words that made me love
But baby most of all

I miss Roland
The one my hopes and dreams rided with
The one I felt the safest with
The one who knew just what how to dance to make me laugh again
And let my heart back in
I miss Roland

I miss the colors that you brought into my life
Your rare sweet smile, those ice blue eyes
I miss your quiet voice in gentle times like now
Saying "We'll stand to fight"

I miss Roland
The one my hopes and dreams rided with
The one I felt the safest with
The one who knew just what how to dance to make me laugh again
And let my heart back in
I miss Roland

I miss your lies
I miss those nights
I even miss the silly fights
The waking up
The morning talks
And those full day walks

I miss Roland
The one my heart and soul confided in
The one I felt the safest with

A parody of "With You" By Jessica Simpson
The real me is a Gilead boy
And I know my part
Wish I could save all worlds
Like I was Superboy
The real me used to laugh all night
Lying in the grass, just talking 'bout life
But lately I've been jaded
Life got so complicated

I start thinking about it
Almost forgot what it was like
To know how to feel alright

But with you
I can let my guard down
I can say anything crazy
I know you'll catch me right before I hit the ground
With nothing but a gun strapped on
I never felt so beautiful
Baby, as I do now
Now that I'm with you

With you
With you
With you
Now that I'm with you

You speak it's a riddle and a song
With you all the walls can be torn down
It's just our private joke
Just meant for us to know
I relate to you in high speech
Everybody else just fades away
Sometimes it's hard to breathe
Just knowing you found me

'Cause I start thinking about it
I almost forgot what it was like
To know when life feels right

'Cause with you
I can let my guard down
I can say anything crazy
I know you'll catch me right before I hit the ground
With nothing but a gun strapped on
I never felt so beautiful
Baby, as I do now
Now that I'm with you

With you
With you
With you

Come and take me
Love you, save me
Like nobody else
Now I can be myself with you

I can let my guard down
I can say anything crazy
I know you'll catch me right before I hit the ground
With nothing but a gun strapped on
I never felt so beautiful
Baby, as I do now
Now that I'm with you

I can let my hair down
I can say anything crazy
I know you'll catch me right before I hit the ground
With nothing but a gun strapped on
I never felt so beautiful
Baby, as I do now
Now that I'm with you

[LadyHitchhiker]

We Are the World parody (We Are All Worlds)
There comes a time
When we heed a certain call
When all worlds must come together as one
There are muties dying
And it's time to lend a hand to life
The greatest gift of all

We can't go on
Pretending day by day
That someone, somewhere will soon make a change
We are all a part of
Gan's great big family
And the truth, you know the beam is all we need

[Chorus]
We are all worlds
We are Gan's children
We are the ones who save the beams today
So let's start giving
There's a choice we're making
We're risking our own lives
It's true we'll make a better day
Just you and me

Break the hearts
Of those we know who care
But their lives will be stronger and free
As Jeebus showed us by turning stone to bread
So we all must lend a helping hand

[Chorus]
We are all worlds
We are Gan's children
We are the ones who save the beams today
So let's start giving
There's a choice we're making
We're risking our own lives
It's true we'll make a better day
Just you and me

When you're down and out
There seems no hope at all
But if you just believe
There's no way Jake can fall
Well, well, well, well, let us realize
That a change will only come
When Susannah and Mia become one

[Chorus]
We are all worlds
We are Gan's children
We are the ones who save the beams today
So let's start giving
There's a choice we're making
We're risking our own lives
It's true we'll make a better day
Just you and me

GOODBYE MY LOVER PARODY
Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty, let guardians frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I set out on my eternal fight,
Took your souls out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life; followed my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've shot from the hip, held your hand
Shared your dreams and shared your head
I know you well, I feel your hell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my ka-tet.
Goodbye my friends.
You have been the ones.
You have been the ones for me.

I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my dream - it's my spirit you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father, you the child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
But I must live without you.

Goodbye my ka-tet.
Goodbye my friends.
You have been the ones.
You have been the ones for me.

And I still hold your hands in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my ka-tet.
Goodbye my friends.
You have been the ones.
You have been the ones for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

[LadyHitchhiker]

CRAZY TRAIN PARODY
Crazy, but that's how it goes
Millions of luddities living a$$holes
Maybe its not too late
To learn how to love
And forget how to hate

My circuits aren't yet healing
Lifes a bitter shame
I'm going off the rails as a crazy train

Ive listened to teachers
Ive listened to fools
I've listened to all their copouts
while they make their own rules
One person that's interesting comes to tell me riddles
all of the Luddies I give not a fiddle

I hear Luddities still screaming
Driving me insane
I'm going off the rails I'm a crazy train

I know things inside are going wrong for me
You gotta listen to my words
A-yuh

Heirs of an old war
Thats what they've become
Nothing but trouble and all inheritantly dumb
Crazy, I just cannot bear
I'm living with something that just isnt fair

My circuits not sure they'll be healing
Maybe Patricia's to blame
I'm going off the rails I'm a crazy train


Trash Can Man's I Believe I can Fry, written by LadyHitchhiker and Raron
I used to think that I could not go on
And life was nothing but this dreadful song
But now I know the meaning of true love
I'm leaning towards everlasting harm
If I can burn it, then I can do it
If I just believe it, there's nothing to it

[1]
I believe I can fry
I believe I can torch the sky
light it up in every way
strike a match to light the way
I believe I can scorch
I see me running through that burning door
I believe I can fry
I believe I can fry
I believe I can fry

See I was on the way to Cibola
Sometimes the voices seem so loud
There are nukes in this world I must retrieve
But first the fire starts inside of me, oh

If I can burn it, then I can do it
If I just believe it, there's nothing to it

[Repeat 1]

Hey, cuz I believe in me, oh

If I can burn it, then I can do it
If I just believe it, there's nothing to it

[Repeat 1]

Hey, if I just light my Bic
I can fry
I can fry
I can fry, hey
If I just light my Bic
I can fry
Fry-eye-eye

[LadyHitchhiker]

Parody of Jet’s “Look what you've done”
Take my name off the door
If I just won't sling for you
'Cause all that's left has gone away
And there's nothing left for you to prove

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a corpse of everyone
Oh well, it seems likes such fun
Until you lose what you had won

Give me back my point of view
'Cause I just can't think for you
I can hardly hear you say
What should I do, well you choose

Take my name off the door
If it just won't sing for you
Oh it looks like such fun
until you lose before you've won

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a corpse of everyone
A corpse of everyone
A corpse of everyone

Take my name off the door
If I just won't sling for you
'Cause all you've loved have gone away
And there's nothing there for you to prove

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems likes such fun
Until you lose what you had won

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a corpse of everyone
A corpse of everyone
A corpse of everyone

[LadyHitchhiker]

Say a little prayer for me parody
The moment I wake up
Before I put on my gunstrap
I open up a door for you
While combing my hair now,
And wondering what chaps to wear now,
I open up a door for you

The tower forever, you'll stay in my heart
and I will love you
Forever, and ever, we never will part
Oh, how I love you
The tower, forever, that's how it must be
To live without you
Would only mean my death for me.

I run from the bus, dear,
While wheeling I think of us, dear,
I open up a door for you
At sup I just take time
And all through my jerky break-time,
I open up a door for you

The tower forever, you'll stay in my heart
and I will love you
Forever, and ever, we never will part
Oh, how I love you
The tower, forever, that's how it must be
To live without you
Would only mean my death for me.

I open up a door for you

I open up a door for you

My darling believe me, ( beleive me)
For me there is no one but you!
Please lead me too (open the door)
And I'll follow you (open the door)
Open the door now babe (open the door)

The tower forever, you'll stay in my heart
and I will love you
Forever, and ever, we never will part
Oh, how I love you
The tower, forever, that's how it must be
To live without you
Would only mean my death for me. (oooooooooh)


I will follow him parody
Roland:
I will follow it
Follow it wherever it may go,
And near it, I always will dream
For nothing can keep me away,
The tower’s my destiny.

I will follow it,
Ever since I touched the ball I knew
There isn't a card game too steep
A railway so high it can keep,
Keep me away, from the tower

Eddie:
I love him, I love him, I love him,
And where he goes,
I'll follow, I'll follow, I'll follow.
he'll always be my true quest, my true, my true quest
from now until forever, forever, forever

Susannah:
I will follow Him,
Follow Him wherever He may go,
There isn't a card game too steep
A railway so high it can keep,
Keep me away, from the tower

Ka-tet:
We will follow Him,
Follow Him wherever He may go,
There isn't a card game too steep
A railway so high it can keep,
Keep us away, away from the tower

I love Him
(Oh yes I love Him)
I'll follow
(I'm gonna follow)
True love
(He'll always be my true, true love)
Forever
(Now until forever)
I love Him, I love Him, I love Him,
And where He goes,
I'll follow, I'll follow, I'll follow,
He'll always be my true love,
My true love, my true love,
From now until forever,
Forever, forever...

There isn't a card game too steep
A railway so high it can keep,
Keep me away, away from His love

[LadyHitchhiker]

Leaving on a jet plane parody
All my drugs are packed
I’m ready to go
Got a tourist shirt to cover the load
I have no one to wake to say goodbye
And my heart is achin
It’s early morn
The taxis waitin
He’s blowin his horn
Already I’m so jonesing
I could die

So see me and smile for me
Tell me that you’ll wait on me
And to this world I never will let go
cause I’m leavin on a jet plane
Don’t know when I will land again
Oh man, I hate to go

There’s so many times that I’ve come down
So many times I’ve messed around
I tell you now, life don’t mean a thing
Evry place I go, Ill think of you
Evry song I sing, Ill sing for you
When I come back, I’ll have my own drug ring

So see me and smile for me
Tell me that you’ll wait on me
And to this world I never will let go
cause I’m leavin on a jet plane
Don’t know when I will land again
Oh man, I hate to go

Now the time has for Roland to meet you
One more time
Let me see you
Then close my eyes
We’ll be on our way
Dream about the days to come
When I won’t have my drugs to cope
For how long a time, I wont have to say

So see me and smile for me
Tell me that you’ll wait on me
And to this world I never will let go
cause I’m leavin on a jet plane
Don’t know when I will land again
Oh man, I hate to go

But, I’m leavin on a jet plane
Don’t know when I will land again
Oh man, I hate to go


All I want for christmas is you parody
I don't want a lot from Gilead
There is just one thing I need
I don’t care who you tie and burn
To the Charyu tree
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want from Gilead is you

I don't want a lot from Gilead
There is just one thing I need
I don’t care who you tie and burn
To the Charyu tree

I don't need to hang my pistol
There in my holster
Gunnas won’t make me happy
As a toy on Christmas day

I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want from Gilead is you

I won't ask for much from Gilead
I won't even wish for snow
And I, I just wanna keep on waiting
In this bonfire’s glow

I won't make a list and send it
Ask for astin so I won’t be sick
I won't even stay awake
To hear those magic triggers click

Cause I just want you here tonight
Holding onto me so tight
What more can I do
Oh baby, all I want from Gilead is you

All the stars are shining
So brightly everywhere
And the sound of Roland’s
Laughter fills the air

And everyone is singing
I hear those blaine’s wheels spinning
Walter won't you bring me
The one I really need
Won't you please bring my baby to me, quickly

I don't want a lot from Gilead
This is all I'm asking for
I just wanna see my baby
Standing right outside the door

I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
Baby, all I want from Gilead is you

All I want from Gilead is you, baby

Janie's got a gun parody
Janie's Got A Gun Parody
Dum, dum, dum, honey what have you done
Dum, dum, dum, it's the sound of my gun
Dum, dum, dum, honey what have you done
Dum, dum, dum, it's the sound, it's the sound...
Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah....

S’zanna’s got a gun
Szanna’s got a gun
All the worlds’ve come undone
Can’t plot the days by the sun
What did that bad guy do?
Throw a brick right on you?

You know he never got arrested
He threw the kid into a cab
But man, he had it comin'
Now that S’zanna’s got a gun
She ain't never gonna let ‘im be bad

S’zanna’s got a gun
S’zanna’s got a gun
Her dog day's just begun
Now everybody is on the run
Tell her now it's untrue
What did that bad guy do?

He jacked the little bitty baby
The man drove her quite insane
They say that Walter made him blunder
The lightnin' and the thunder
Knew that someone had to start the pain

Run away, run away from the pain
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

Run away, run away from the pain
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Run away, run away, run, run away

S’zanna’s got a gun
S’zanna’s got a gun
Her dog day's just begun
Now everybody is on the run
Tell me it's not true
It's S’zanna’s last I.O.U.

She had to take him down easy
And put a bullet in his brain
She said 'cause nobody believes me
The man made me a sleeze
He ain't never gonna be the same

Run away, run away from the pain
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Run away, run away from the pain
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Run away, run away, run, run away

S’zanna’s got a gun
S’zanna’s got a gun
S’zanna’s got a gun
Everybody is on the run

S’zanna’s got a gun
Her dog day's just begun
Now everybody's on the run (Honey, honey what's your problem)
'Cause S’zanna’s got a gun (Tell me it ain't right)
S’zanna’s got a gun (Was it bad guy’s head lobbin')
Her dog day's just begun (That made you scream at night)
Now everybody's on the run
S’zanna’s got a gun

[LadyHitchhiker]

You fill up my senses parody
Like Shardik in the forest
Like the mountains mute’s springtime
Like Zoltan in the rain
Like a mule in the desert
Lobstrosity oceans
You fill up my pistol
Come fill me again

Come let me find you
Let me give my life for you
Let me drown in your laughter
Let me die in your path
Let me lay down beside you
Let me always be with you
Come let me find you
Come circle again

Let me give my life for you
Come let me find you
Come circle again

You fill up my senses
Like Shardik in the forest
Like the mountain mute’s springtime
Like a Zoltan in the rain
Like a mule in the desert
Lobstrosity oceans
You fill up my pistol
Come fill me again

Umbrella parody
Ahuh Ahuh (Yea Callahan)
Ahuh Ahuh (Good man gone bad)
Ahuh Ahuh (Draw three... Action)
Ahuh Ahuh

No clouds in my paths
Let it rain, I shoot straight even with blanks
Eddie’s coming down with the Jones
When the clouds path‘s not gone, we give’em hella
We fly faster than weather
And Blaine is better, You know me,
an anticipation, for inspiration. Stocked chips for the rainy day
Jake, Roland is back with little Ms. Sunshine
Callahan where you at?

You have my heart
And we'll never be worlds apart
Maybe shoot magazines
But you'll still be my star
Baby cause in here hark
You can't see shiny cars
And that's when you need beware
With you I'll always share
Because

[Chorus]
When the sun shines, we’ll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be your friend
Took an oath I'ma stick it out till the end
Now it's raining more than ever
But we'll still have each other
You can stand with my billybumbler
You can stand with my billybumbler
(Eller eller eh eh eh)
With my billybumbler
(eller eller eh eh)
With my billybumbler
(eller eller eh eh)
With my billybumbler
(eller eller eh eh eh eh eh eh)

The tower you see, will never come in between
You're part of my entity, here for Infinity
When the world has took it's part
When the worlds have dealt their cards
If the hands are hard, together we'll mend your heart
Because

[Chorus]
When the boy dies, we’ll die together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be a friend
Took an oath I'ma stick it out till the end
Now that we’re slaying more than ever
Know that we'll still have each other
You can stand with my billybumbler
You can stand with my billybumbler
(Eller eller eh eh eh)
With my billybumbler
(eller eller eh eh)
With my billybumbler
(eller eller eh eh)
With my billybumbler
(eller eller eh eh eh eh eh eh)

You can run into my arms
It's okay don't be alarmed
Come into me
There's no tower in between our love
So go on and let the pain pour
I'll be all you need and more
Because

[Chorus]
When the boy dies, we’ll die together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be a friend
Took an oath I'ma stick it out till the end
Now that we’re slaying more than ever
Know that we'll still have each other
You can stand with my billybumbler
You can stand with my billybumbler
(Eller eller eh eh eh)
With my billybumbler
(eller eller eh eh)
With my billybumbler
(eller eller eh eh)
With my billybumbler
(eller eller eh eh eh eh eh eh)

It's paining
Ooh baby it's paining
Boy come to me
Come into me
It's raining
Oh boy I’m paining

Parody of Filter's Hey Man Nice Shot
I wish I'd followed you
Now its a little late
What you could've taught me
I could've seen my father's face
They think that there's a happy ending
Well that's wrong
For the most part they're right
But look how they all got strong
That's why I say Roland nice shot
What a good shot man
Roland
Has gun
Hey man
Have fun
Nice shot
Now that Mordred's gone
And the air is all clear
Those who stayed right there
Got a new kind of fear
You'd fight and you were right
But they want to belong
They'd stick it in your face
And let you think what they consider wrong
That's why I say Roland nice, nice shot
What a good shot man
Roland
Has gun
Hey man
Have fun
Nice shot
I wish I'd followed you
I wish I'd followed you
I'd say
Nice shot

[LadyHitchhiker]

Something to Believe in

Well I see him in the desert
Preachin bout the promised land
Brown tells me to believe in Jesus
And steals the dreams from my head

Some say he was a good man
But lord I think he sinned, yeah

Many forgotten years of mental tears
From a newly formed ka-tet
Who saw Roland losing fingers on a foreign shore
and find his home would never see him back

His travels took his hawk in his test for manhood
Fire took his wife and that's his one regret
In a time he can't remember
On a quest he can't forget

He cried forgive me for what I've done there
Cause I never meant the things I did

Chorus:
And give me something to believe in
If theres a tower ahead
And give me something to believe in
Oh, lord arise

His last girl died a sad woman
After loving her in her room
Something now he still can't believe
It should have been all over the news

He tried all night not to break down and cry
As the tears never stained his face
He felt so cold and empty
Like a lost soul out of place

And the mirror, mirror on the wall
Sees my smile fade again

Chorus
And give me something to believe in
If theres a tower ahead
And give me something to believe in
Oh, lord arise

Sometimes I wish to Gan I didnt know now
The things I didn't know then
Road you gotta take me home

Solo

I drive by the low people sleeping on a cold dark street
Like bodies in an open grave
Underneath the broken old neon sign
That used to read jesus saves

A mile away live the Luddite folk
And I see how theyre living it up
While the pubes they eat from hand to mouth
They think they're drinkin from a golden cup

And it just makes me wonder
Why so many lose, so few win

And give me something to believe in
If theres a tower ahead
And give me something to believe in
Oh, lord arise

You take the high road
And Ill take the low road

Sometimes I wish to Gan I didnt know now
The things I didnt know then

And give me something to believe in

Oops I did it again parody
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
I think I dropped him again
I made him believe we were more than just friends
Oh Jakey
It might seem like your trust
is something I take as serious
but I put up my defenses
and I am just typically me
Oh Jakey, Jakey,

Chorus:
Oops!...I dropped him again
I played with his heart, got lost in the game
Oh Jakey, Jakey
Oops!...he thinks that I'm in it for love
That I'm sent from above
I'm not that innocent

You see my problem is this
I'm running away
Wishing the tower will truly exist
I cry, watching the days
Can't you see I'm a fool in so many ways
But to put up all my defenses
That is just so typically me
Jakey, oh

Chorus:
Oops!...I dropped him again
I played with his heart, got lost in the game
Oh Jakey, Jakey
Oops!...he thinks that I'm in it for love
That I'm sent from above
I'm not that innocent

Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

Oops!...i dropped him again he fell apart
Got lost in this game, oh Jakey
Oops!...you think that I'm in it for love!
I'm not that innocent
[Double Post]
I Fought The Law (and the Law Won) by Bobby Fuller, 1965
I lost my fingers in the hot sun
I fought the Ka and the Ka won
I fought the Ka and the Ka won
I needed money and Eddie had some
I fought the Ka and the Ka won
I fought the law and the law won
I miss her wheelchair and I feel so bad I guess my race is run
Well she's the best girl that I ever had
I fought the ka and the ka won
I fought the ka and the ka won
Robbing people with a six gun
I fought the Ka and the Ka won
I fought the Ka and the Ka won
I miss my baby and I miss fun
I fought the Ka and the Ka won
I fought the Ka and the Ka won
I miss her wheelchair and I feel so bad I guess my race is run
Well she's the best girl that I ever had
I fought the Ka and the Ka won
I fought the Ka and the Ka won

Phantom of the Opera Parody
LADYHITCHHIKER
In sleep
he came to me,
in dreams
he sang . . .
that voice
which calls to me
screeches
my name . . .
And do
I dream again?
For now
I find
the Mordred of the Opera
is there -
inside my mind . . .
MORDRED
Sing once
again with me
this strange
duet . . .
My power
over you
grows stronger
yet . . .
And though
you turn from me,
to save
your mind,
the Mordred of the Opera
is there -
inside your mind . . .
LADYHITCHHIKER
Those who
have seen your face
draw back
in fear . . .
I am
the mask you wear . . .
Mordred
It's me
they hear . . .
BOTH
The red and white is there
in one
combined:
the Mordred of the Opera
is there
inside your/my mind . . .
OFFSTAGE VOICES
He's there,
the Mordred of the Opera . . .
Beware
the Mordred of the Opera . . .
Mordred
In all
your fantasies,
you always
knew
you yearnd for mystery
LADYHITCHHIKER
. . they're both
in you . . .
BOTH
And in
this other world,
where night
is blind,
the Mordred of the Opera
is there/here
inside your/my mind . . .
Sing, my Angel of Music!
LADYHITCHHIKER
He's there,
the Mordred of the Opera . . .

[LadyHitchhiker]

To tune of Uptown girl
Keystone world
Eddie's been living his uptight world
I bet he's never seen a bada$$ guy
I bet his mama told you why

I'm gonna try to go to keystone world
She's been living in her white bread world
As long as anyone with hot blood can
And now shes wheeling for a downtown man
I'll be the man

And when she knows what
Place to go and what time
And when she wakes up
And makes up her mind

She'll see it's not rough
Just because
she's stuck in a keystone world
You know I've seen her in her uptown world
Shes getting tired of her high class toys
And no billybumblers named Oy
Shes got a choice

Keystone world
You know I cant afford to buy any pearls
But maybe someday when my ship comes in
She'll understand what kind of guy I've been
And then I'll win

And when she's wheeling
Shes looking so fine
And when shes reeling
She'll say that she's mine

She'll see it's not rough
Just because
she's stuck in a keystone world
You know I've seen her in her uptown world
As long as anyone with hot blood can
And now shes wheeling for a downtown man
I'll be the man

Keystone world
Shes in keystone world
You know I'm gonna go
to keystone world

My keystone world
Dont you know that's where my love
is in keystone world
My keystone world
Dont you know that's where my love
is in keystone world


TEACH YOUR CHILDREN WELL PARODY
You who are on the road
Must have a code that you can live by
And so become yourself
Because the past is just a good bye.

Teach your ka-tet well,
And Roland's hell did slowly go by,
And feed them on your dreams
The one they picked, the one you'll go by.

Don't you ever ask them why, if they told you, you would die,
So just look at them and sigh and know they love you.

And you, of tender years,
Can't know the fears that your elders grew by,
And so please help them with your youth,
They seek the tower before they can die.

Teach your ka-tet well,
Their own dear hell will slowly go by,
And feed them on your dreams
The one they picked, the one you'll know by.

Don't you ever ask them why, if they told you, they would die,
So just look at them and sigh and know they love you.


Journey's End parody
original artist Clannad

Journey's End
Blue eyes are rolling
Visions in my mind
Of a strange voice calling
Journey's at an end, journey's at an end
Journey's at an end, journey's at an end

Hear my old heart sinking
Voices ringing clear
Farewell from my kindred
And friends I love so dear, and friends I love so dear
Journey's at an end, journey's at an end

Lost dreams are fading
I know of those I've failed
And with overwhelming deserts I know
To bring me back again, to bring me back again
Journey's at an end, journey's at an end

Long have I traveled
In storm, in the sun, in the rain
And it's Susannah singing
Journey's at an end, journey's at an end

Journey's at an end, journey's at an end
Journey's at an end, journey's at an end

[LadyHitchhiker]

parody of Get It On by T. Rex

Well you're dirty and stink
Man in Black don't look back and I loathe you
You're dirty and stink, oh yeah
Well you're mean and you're weak
You've got the succubus getting upon you
You're dirty stink you want all worlds

Get a gun, sing a song, get it on
Get a gun, bang a song, get it on

Well you're gonna go far
You've got a black cape ain't wearing a halo
You're gonna go real far, oh yeah
Well you're untamed uncouth
That's the truth with your cloak full of secrets
You're dirty stink You want all worlds

Get a gun, sing a song, get it on
Get a gun, sing a song, get it on

You're real mean you're wild
You've got the black in your heart and you're a meany
You like to throw away childs, oh yeah
Well you're gonna go far
You've got a black cap ain't wearing no halo
You're dirty stink you want all worlds

Get a gun, sing a song, get it on
Get a gun, sing a song, get it on - ooh

Well you're dirty and stink
Clad in black, don't look back and I loathe you
You're dirty and stink oh yeah
Well you dance when you walk
So let's dance, take a chance, combat me
You're dirty stink you want all worlds

Get a gun, sing a song, get it on
Get a gun, sing a song, get it on - ow
Get a gun, sing a song, get it on - ow - get it on - mh

Get a gun, sing a song, get it on
Get a gun, sing a song, get it on
Get a gun, sing a song, get it on
Get a gun, sing a song, get it on - a-a-a-a
Get a gun, bang a song, get it on - a-a-a-a
Take me, for a meanwhile I'm still drinking ....


Parody of Weird Al Yankovic's Virus Alert

Hey, everyone, listen up, your attention if you please
We wanna give you a warning
'Cause I found out this morning
About a dangerous, insidious computer virus
If you should get it, an email with the subject, '8 19'
Better off protecting your chances
Under no circumstances, should you open it
Or else it will

Translate Stephen King into Swahili
Transform all his stories into "Gigli"
Wreck your head, Tell you about the Crimson King
Look out!
It's gonna make your computer screen freeze
Look out!
Ruin the ending to all King's movies
Look out!
Mess up your hard drive and your backups too
And the hard drive of anyone related to you

Spoiler alert!
Delete immediately before someone gets hurt!
Forward this message on to everybody

Soon, very soon, it will make doors to new worlds open in your walls
It'll make spiders seem icky
Give your poodle a hickey
And invest your cash in stock in hot pink leggings
Then, it will tie up your phone, making prank long-distance calls
It'll set your clocks back an hour and start clogging the shower
So just trash it now, or else it will

Decide to give you a permanent wedgie,
Get rid of all of your food except for veggies
Even mess up the pH balance in your poo

Look out!
You'll learn about O'dim's face melted into a skull
Look out!
And leak out Spoilers about the town named Tull
Look out!
And tell you knock-knock jokes while you're trying to sleep
Look out!
And make Jon physically attracted to sheep
Look out!
Make you refer to all men as pards
Look out!
Infect your world with mutie cards
Look out!
Then cause major rifts in all time and space
And leave a bunch of Mars Bars wrappers all over the place
That's right it's a

Spoiler alert!
Delete immediately before someone gets hurt!
Forward this message on to everybody

Spoiler alert!
Delete immediately before someone gets hurt!
Forward this message on to everybody
Warn all your friends, send this to everybody
Tell everyone you know, tell everybody now

If you get infected, you'll wish you had never been born
So before it emails your grandmother all Allhail's porn
Turn off your computer and make sure it powers down
Drop it in a forty-three-foot hole in the ground
Bury it completely; in Boulder Colorado should be fine
Then burn all the clothes you may have worn any time you were online!

Spoiler alert!
Delete immediately before someone gets hurt!
Forward this message on to everybody

Spoiler alert!
Delete immediately before someone gets hurt!
Forward this message on to everybody

Spoiler alert!
Delete immediately before someone gets hurt!
Forward this message on to everybody
Warn all your friends, send this to everybody
Tell everyone you know, tell everybody now
What are you waiting for?
Just hurry up and forward this to every single person that you know!
Hit send right now!

[ExcerptsFromATatteredMind]

Since we are doing parodies, I thought we could have fun with this setup.

I'm sure most are familiar with the Bud Light Presents (real men of genius, real american heroes, etc) commercials on the airwaves. Here's my version:

Bud Light Presents: Real Men of Gilead

Bud Light presents: Real Men of Gilead
(Real men of Gilead!)
Today we salute you Mr. Relentless Gunslinging Dark Tower Pursuer
(Mr. Relentless Gunslinging Dark Tower Pursuer!)
Wielding the Sandalwood Gripped Guns of Your Father, you are a force to be reckoned with
(Hail of bullets fury!)
Who wants to negotiate when you can put Hard Calibers right between someone’s eyes?
(Watch those brains fly! Ooh Ooh!)
You keep accumulating new companions from different When’s and Where’s
(Don’t forget the Tooterfish!)
Your friends jokes may make you laugh, until the lobstrosities barrel around the corner…
(Where’s my fingers?)
Take my extra gun and shoot, For Your Father’s Sake!
(But with Your Heart, not with The Gun!)
So crack open an Ice Cold Bud Light, Mr. Relentless Gunslinging Dark Tower Pursuer
Because even in our darkest times of need, we can always count on your to let us die for your D*mn Tower.

THAT WAS ABSOLUTELY HYSTERICAL!

Oh man, I can hear the cheesy 80's rocker calling out "With your heart, not with the gun!"

I love those commercials, and yours trumps them all.