Gimme back my money!

[Srbo]

Something that happened today triggered my memory...

A long time ago, before the war, we were a very wealthy family. Had money literally coming out ouf our behinds. Beautiful house, several cars, whatnot.

But, even so, my late Dad, who was used to working very hard all his life ( and of course, that and smart investements made him a very rich man ) couldn`t sit at home and do nothing, so he took up a job as a cab driver in our small town, just so he wouldn`t sit at home all day.
I was a teenager back then, and didn`t really care much about what he or mom are doing, as long as I had some money in my pocket and the freedom to do what I want, the World looked okay to me.
So I didn`t pay really close attention to what kind of man my father really was...`till this one event that took place in our home.

On some rainy Sunday afternoon, we were all just lazying around the house, didn`t expect any visitors, Dad was doing his usual, reading political magazines and sipping whiskey, Mom was probably in the kitchen yakking every now and then to my Dad that he should slow down with the drinks, I was blasting music from the stereo, my late bro` was with me doing the same and of course, as boys, we didn`t pay attention to what our sisters are up to.
Unexpectedly, the door bell rang and one of my dad`s acquaintances walked in. I can`t say he was my dad`s friend, cos he simply was never around and I know I`ve never seen Dad hang around with him, so that`s what he was - an acquaintance.
He sat down, all nervous about something, shifting his feet left and right, talking mostly nonsense about the bad weather and my dad just kept looking at him and nodding his head.
And then, out of the blue, he looked at the guy and said:
" Okay, calm down...how much do you need ? "
The guy was stunned, couldn`t talk for a few seconds, kept looking at Dad, said something like "...how did you..." but Dad cut him off, and asked, with a smile, the same question again.
So, the guy says that he is starting a buisness, he can`t get a loan and so on and finaly said he would need 2000 Deutsch Marks ( back in the day, the eighties, that was a big amount of money, don`t know, maybe like 10 000 american dollars today ).
My Dad gets up without a word, goes to his study and comes back with a wad of money. When the guy counted it, he couldn`t believe his eyes.
" Man, this is 4000..I asked only for 2000".
Dad says : " Look, you need the 2 grand to start the buisness, and those other two just use as a backup. "
" When do I return this and how much is the interest ? "
My Dad waived his hand, said that he can return it when he gets the buisness up and running and making some profit...and then abruptly changed the subject.
He didn`t want to make the man feel any more uncomfortable than he was already.
The guy started to promise this and that, within in a year the money will be back with interest in my dads pocket and so on...dad didn`t listen anymore, just smiled and gave him some more whiskey.
After about 15 minutes the guy left.
Me ( especially me, cos back then I was the cheapskate of the World ) and the rest of the family where stunned just like the guy was, kept looking at Dad, and just when we wanted to start asking questions, one look by my Father told us that there was nothing to ask.

So, years went by. The guy had started the buisness, became very succesfull...and avoided my Father like the plague. Changed sides of the street, never went to the same pubs my dad did...he just avoided him at all costs.
I asked my Dad about that, the money the guy owes him and why he doesn`t do something about it.
Dad`s only response was this:
" Well, he owes me money. Why should I go to him ? He should come to me, and if he wont, well, that`s his problem, not mine."
And that was it.

Later on, I found out that my Dad gave numerous free rides to people in his cab, even on really, really, really long tripps...that he lend money to who knows how many people..and never-ever asked anyone to give it back to him.
If someone did, usually they would end up in a pub and drink and eat until the returned money is all gone...
And ever since then, I try my best to be like him. But, that is for later.

So, today, this friend of mine walks into my house, starts cussing and talkin` really bad stuff about a guy who isn`t returning him 100 bucks for a year now. Says he is going to go to his place, brake his jaw, vandalize his car in the night and whatnot...took him half an hour to finish his rant, and then he vanished...maybe to do like he said. It`s not like this friend of mine is poor, he is a very succesfull accountant, so I don`t undesrtand what the fuss is about a lousy hundred bucks.
And that`s when I rememebered the way my Dad was.

What I want to ask you guys - how are you with lending money to people ?
Do you do it at all, and if you do it, do you behave like this friend of mine..or at least remotely similar to mu Dad ?
Can you forgive or would you say that people who aren`t returning the money are disrespectful and such ?

Thanks for reading and the answers if there is to be any.:)

[ally88]

Thanks Srbo.
That is a lovely story and speaks volumes about the good character your father must have been...I am sure you are very proud.

Ten years ago I lent my friends mother £300, supposedly for a fortnight. If I remember correctly, she returned £20 to me.
The money is not important, I told her if she had wanted to keep it all she had to do was ask. I am the type of person who would do that. She never apologised. Excuses were offered but they don't interest me.
I am still good friends with her daughter and when I see this woman I am polite. I like to think she is ashamed of her actions deep inside, but I don't believe that.

Either way, I have still lent people money after this happened.
I find it hard to refuse people anything, but that is me and I'm not ashamed of it.

[Spideyman]

Srbo, once again your stories bring life to our hearts. I would like to think I am like your dad. There have been times I have gladly helped friends in need. Always took the attitude that by the the grace of the Lord, that could be me in need; and if so, I would hope someone would be there for me. Your dad had such a wonderful outlook on life. He gave freely and it was their problem if they did not repay. I can recall only once when lent money was not returned. It was not for me to judge why it was not repaid.

As I think back- I hear my father saying- neither a lender or borrower be. Guess I didn't listen to dad in that respect.

Be very proud of your dad, Srbo.

[SKfan2006]

if it's family i'll gladly give the money and not expect it back unless they say so.
when it's a friend i'll give it and wait until they pay me back sorta like your dad.

[JayneH]

What a lovely recollection of your father. Coming so soon after losing mine - it was lovely to hear nice memories of your dad.

I dont lend money to very many people - mainly because I dont have that much to spare. But in saying that I have loaned small amounts like your fried has. I am like your dad.... I would never ask for it back - if they want to give it back to me then fine. If not - then also fine. It is them that have to live with it if it makes them feel guilty. Personally if you lent me five bucks and I forgot to give it back to you when I had it I would be horrified and so apoligetic when I remembered. But I know other people who would "conveniently" forget forever ....

[rjmaygirl]

I am like Ally on this issue.
I haven't really lent my friends money to any of my friends, well non of significant value anyway. But I have given money as presents to one "friend" in particular for her to buy baby stuff for her newborn. Only to find out that she spent the money on cigarettes and alcohol. I was disappointed and annoyed but what could I do? So I have never given any more presents of money to her again. That was one reason why I am no longer friends with her.

I have on the other hand been very generous to both of my parents on many occasions. I haven't got a lot of money, very little in fact, but I have never had an issue with helping either of them. They looked after me as a child and whenever they can now too, so I am of the opinion that it is good and kind to be generous with the ones that I love and care about the most. I don't expect or demand to be paid back, basically because I know that when I need their help they will be the first ones to offer their assistance.

I don't understand why people can be so caught up with money and the "power" of it and leave their own people surviving on very little. But that is human nature I guess. And I am just thankful that my parents and I aren't like that.

[doowopgirl]

Something that happened today triggered my memory...

A long time ago, before the war, we were a very wealthy family. Had money literally coming out ouf our behinds. Beautiful house, several cars, whatnot.

But, even so, my late Dad, who was used to working very hard all his life ( and of course, that and smart investements made him a very rich man ) couldn`t sit at home and do nothing, so he took up a job as a cab driver in our small town, just so he wouldn`t sit at home all day.
I was a teenager back then, and didn`t really care much about what he or mom are doing, as long as I had some money in my pocket and the freedom to do what I want, the World looked okay to me.
So I didn`t pay really close attention to what kind of man my father really was...`till this one event that took place in our home.

On some rainy Sunday afternoon, we were all just lazying around the house, didn`t expect any visitors, Dad was doing his usual, reading political magazines and sipping whiskey, Mom was probably in the kitchen yakking every now and then to my Dad that he should slow down with the drinks, I was blasting music from the stereo, my late bro` was with me doing the same and of course, as boys, we didn`t pay attention to what our sisters are up to.
Unexpectedly, the door bell rang and one of my dad`s acquaintances walked in. I can`t say he was my dad`s friend, cos he simply was never around and I know I`ve never seen Dad hang around with him, so that`s what he was - an acquaintance.
He sat down, all nervous about something, shifting his feet left and right, talking mostly nonsense about the bad weather and my dad just kept looking at him and nodding his head.
And then, out of the blue, he looked at the guy and said:
" Okay, calm down...how much do you need ? "
The guy was stunned, couldn`t talk for a few seconds, kept looking at Dad, said something like "...how did you..." but Dad cut him off, and asked, with a smile, the same question again.
So, the guy says that he is starting a buisness, he can`t get a loan and so on and finaly said he would need 2000 Deutsch Marks ( back in the day, the eighties, that was a big amount of money, don`t know, maybe like 10 000 american dollars today ).
My Dad gets up without a word, goes to his study and comes back with a wad of money. When the guy counted it, he couldn`t believe his eyes.
" Man, this is 4000..I asked only for 2000".
Dad says : " Look, you need the 2 grand to start the buisness, and those other two just use as a backup. "
" When do I return this and how much is the interest ? "
My Dad waived his hand, said that he can return it when he gets the buisness up and running and making some profit...and then abruptly changed the subject.
He didn`t want to make the man feel any more uncomfortable than he was already.
The guy started to promise this and that, within in a year the money will be back with interest in my dads pocket and so on...dad didn`t listen anymore, just smiled and gave him some more whiskey.
After about 15 minutes the guy left.
Me ( especially me, cos back then I was the cheapskate of the World ) and the rest of the family where stunned just like the guy was, kept looking at Dad, and just when we wanted to start asking questions, one look by my Father told us that there was nothing to ask.

So, years went by. The guy had started the buisness, became very succesfull...and avoided my Father like the plague. Changed sides of the street, never went to the same pubs my dad did...he just avoided him at all costs.
I asked my Dad about that, the money the guy owes him and why he doesn`t do something about it.
Dad`s only response was this:
" Well, he owes me money. Why should I go to him ? He should come to me, and if he wont, well, that`s his problem, not mine."
And that was it.

Later on, I found out that my Dad gave numerous free rides to people in his cab, even on really, really, really long tripps...that he lend money to who knows how many people..and never-ever asked anyone to give it back to him.
If someone did, usually they would end up in a pub and drink and eat until the returned money is all gone...
And ever since then, I try my best to be like him. But, that is for later.

So, today, this friend of mine walks into my house, starts cussing and talkin` really bad stuff about a guy who isn`t returning him 100 bucks for a year now. Says he is going to go to his place, brake his jaw, vandalize his car in the night and whatnot...took him half an hour to finish his rant, and then he vanished...maybe to do like he said. It`s not like this friend of mine is poor, he is a very succesfull accountant, so I don`t undesrtand what the fuss is about a lousy hundred bucks.
And that`s when I rememebered the way my Dad was.

What I want to ask you guys - how are you with lending money to people ?
Do you do it at all, and if you do it, do you behave like this friend of mine..or at least remotely similar to mu Dad ?
Can you forgive or would you say that people who aren`t returning the money are disrespectful and such ?

Thanks for reading and the answers if there is to be any.:)

Your Dad sounds like a really good person with their head screwed on the right way. So do you. I actually find it hard to lend money as I ususally don't have enough to lend. If I do lend money I never ask or expect it to come back. Sometimes I am right sometimes not. But I would never ask to borrow money in the first place. I don't think much of people who borrow and don't return anything, be it money, books, food or anything. Then it's taking. I always feel like I am being taken for a fool and I don't like that feeling, especially when I was trying to help. You are indeed good people.

[rose key]

I don't have much money; I live paycheck to paycheck, but about 6 months ago, a "good" friend of mine had lost his job. Every week he asked me money for one thing or another. $75 to pay a ticket, or his license would be suspended, $50 for a credit card bill, he just needed another $100 to make his rent payment, phone payment, whatever. All along he was promising he would pay me back "next week", "as soon as I get a job", etc. Six months after he got his job, he never calls me, I don't see him around anymore. I just heard he bought a house, and is getting married. Isn't that nice for him?
I don't ever expect to get any money back, and to tell the truth, I never really expected any of it back. Your father was right, though. That's his (my friend's) problem. I'm not going to ask him for the money, he should come to me. Let him live with it hanging over his head. I did the right thing at the time, and I'm not going to ask him for anything.
Yes, I would so it again for someone else if they asked. Not everyone is a total jerk.

[Charms7]

I don't loan people money or other material things. When I give somebody something, it is a gift. If they want to pay it forward or back, that is their prerogative. I believe life is a circle, a wheel, Ka. What you send out will return to you many times over.

[Bryan James]

I'm easily $80k down and defaulted in school/credit debt. Every morning I wake up, the first thing I think is, "Am I going to get served a lawsuit today?"

It's a tentative existence.

A few weeks ago a disheveled bum asked me for a dollar. I told him I only had a ten-spot. Before he could walk off to find another mark, I just gave him the ten...all the cash I had in the world. That's a lie, I've had $7.55 in my bank account for almost a year now. I tried to donate $5.00 of that to the SK Foundation, but the website wasn't processing info.

Your Dad was a good guy, Srbo. I think you might just be one too.

[CorbinKale]

I only lend to people who have proven their integrity, and even then, I never lend any money that I can't afford to lose. Fortunately, I am very poor, and not seen as a good target for scammers.:laugh:

[Srbo]

Either way, I have still lent people money after this happened.
I find it hard to refuse people anything, but that is me and I'm not ashamed of it.

Hi Ally, thanks for reading and the lovely words about my late Dad.

Of course you are not ashamed of who you are, why would you be ?
Living life like you do is wonderful, helping people in need, always being there for them.
That is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, that is something to be proud of, and I hope you will stay that way forever.:)

[Srbo]

Srbo, once again your stories bring life to our hearts. I would like to think I am like your dad. There have been times I have gladly helped friends in need. Always took the attitude that by the the grace of the Lord, that could be me in need; and if so, I would hope someone would be there for me. Your dad had such a wonderful outlook on life. He gave freely and it was their problem if they did not repay. I can recall only once when lent money was not returned. It was not for me to judge why it was not repaid.

As I think back- I hear my father saying- neither a lender or borrower be. Guess I didn't listen to dad in that respect.

Be very proud of your dad, Srbo.

I am very proud, dear Spidey, that I have known him and that he was my Father.

But about your kindness and wonderful soul, we all know what a great and generous soul you are, you are always there for all of us and for those in need, you don`t need to explain yourself ever.:smile2:

As for your Dad`s advice : Probably the best there is - but, people are people, aren`t we ? We are always gonna go more with our heart rather than with our brains, most of us anyway.:smile2:
Thanks for your lovely post.

[Srbo]

What a lovely recollection of your father. Coming so soon after losing mine - it was lovely to hear nice memories of your dad.

I dont lend money to very many people - mainly because I dont have that much to spare. But in saying that I have loaned small amounts like your fried has. I am like your dad.... I would never ask for it back - if they want to give it back to me then fine. If not - then also fine. It is them that have to live with it if it makes them feel guilty. Personally if you lent me five bucks and I forgot to give it back to you when I had it I would be horrified and so apoligetic when I remembered. But I know other people who would "conveniently" forget forever ....

Sorry to hear about your Dad and thanks for the nice Words.

And what you wrote down about yourself - yeah, it sure looks like you are like my Dad was.

Thank you.

[ally88]

A few weeks ago a disheveled bum asked me for a dollar. I told him I only had a ten-spot. Before he could walk off to find another mark, I just gave him the ten...all the cash I had in the world.

I've gave my last pound coin to a homeless person quite a few times. I know I will always have money coming to me soon enough so it doesn't affect me. Friends think I'm a fool because I give to these people but it makes me feel good.

I once saw a homeless guy being refused service in a city cafe because he smelled and the customers were staring at him.
I confronted the staff, he had money to pay for his order and I was disgusted by their attitude. They still wouldn't serve him so I bought him the food myself but he had to eat outside. I made my family leave the place on principle, without finishing our own meals. I've never been back to that place again.

[Srbo]

I don't have much money; I live paycheck to paycheck, but about 6 months ago, a "good" friend of mine had lost his job. Every week he asked me money for one thing or another. $75 to pay a ticket, or his license would be suspended, $50 for a credit card bill, he just needed another $100 to make his rent payment, phone payment, whatever. All along he was promising he would pay me back "next week", "as soon as I get a job", etc. Six months after he got his job, he never calls me, I don't see him around anymore. I just heard he bought a house, and is getting married. Isn't that nice for him?
I don't ever expect to get any money back, and to tell the truth, I never really expected any of it back. Your father was right, though. That's his (my friend's) problem. I'm not going to ask him for the money, he should come to me. Let him live with it hanging over his head. I did the right thing at the time, and I'm not going to ask him for anything.
Yes, I would so it again for someone else if they asked. Not everyone is a total jerk.

No, not everybody, but as I can see from your post ( and you from mine ) some are.
Good that you didn`t lose your faith in people cos of one jerk.

As for my Dad, once again, I don`t think he wanted people to feel guilty about what they have done. He had his piece of mind, and that`s all he cared about.
I trully think he never had any bad feelings towards people that didn`t return him money, actually, I`ve seen him hanging around with them while they were still owing him, offering excuses and such...and putting drinks on his tab while doing so.
Don`t think my Dad was a foolish man, he wasn`t...he just lived life in a way that made him happy...and obvioulsy, not holding grudges was one of his rules.

[Srbo]

I'm easily $80k down and defaulted in school/credit debt. Every morning I wake up, the first thing I think is, "Am I going to get served a lawsuit today?"

It's a tentative existence.

A few weeks ago a disheveled bum asked me for a dollar. I told him I only had a ten-spot. Before he could walk off to find another mark, I just gave him the ten...all the cash I had in the world. That's a lie, I've had $7.55 in my bank account for almost a year now. I tried to donate $5.00 of that to the SK Foundation, but the website wasn't processing info.

Your Dad was a good guy, Srbo. I think you might just be one too.

Thanks for the nice words, Bryan, you seem to be one hell of a guy too.:)

What puzzels me here though is - how do you live at all if you never have money?

[ally88]

Thanks for the nice words, Bryan, you seem to be one hell of a guy too.:)

What puzzels me here though is - how do you live at all if you never have money?

You can't ask him that...it will ruin the International Man of Mystery thang I'm convinced he's got going on. ;)

[Srbo]

Your Dad sounds like a really good person with their head screwed on the right way. So do you. I actually find it hard to lend money as I ususally don't have enough to lend. If I do lend money I never ask or expect it to come back. Sometimes I am right sometimes not. But I would never ask to borrow money in the first place. I don't think much of people who borrow and don't return anything, be it money, books, food or anything. Then it's taking. I always feel like I am being taken for a fool and I don't like that feeling, especially when I was trying to help. You are indeed good people.

Thank you, doowopgirl.

See, that`s exactly what I wanted to know - do you guys feel like fools when something like that happens, or are you proud of yourself anyway...

As I can see from your replys, my friends, some do, some dont...

[Srbo]

I am like Ally on this issue.
I. But I have given money as presents to one "friend" in particular for her to buy baby stuff for her newborn. Only to find out that she spent the money on cigarettes and alcohol.

That would make me mad as hell as well.
Awful.
At least, you have very good parents to be proud of.

Thanks for sharing.:smile2:

[Srbo]

I don't loan people money or other material things. When I give somebody something, it is a gift. If they want to pay it forward or back, that is their prerogative. I believe life is a circle, a wheel, Ka. What you send out will return to you many times over.



I don`t think there is anything to add to this.
Perfect way of living.

Thank you, Charms.:smile2:

[Srbo]

I only lend to people who have proven their integrity, and even then, I never lend any money that I can't afford to lose. Fortunately, I am very poor, and not seen as a good target for scammers.:laugh:

How many did, though ?

You are not poor, Corbin, you are rich in your soul and mind.

Thank you, bud.

[Srbo]

if it's family i'll gladly give the money and not expect it back unless they say so.
when it's a friend i'll give it and wait until they pay me back sorta like your dad.

Not sorta, but very close to my Dads way.

Thank you.

[SusanNorton]

Great thread, Srbo.

For most of my life, I didn't have any money to lend. But even so, I'd also give dollars here and there to the homeless, because even though it might have been a scam, how could I sleep knowing someone needed money for food and I had a dollar floating around in my purse that would have been used for something stupid like a soda?

I used to work with a woman, and we become friends. One day she asked to borrow $20, and I said "sure." I worried about getting it back, because it was 1990 and I had no money saved and lived paycheck to paycheck. However, she paid me back as soon as she got paid. The next week she needed $20 again. No problem, and she paid me back. This went on for about two months, and I'd wonder, "She knows what her salary is, it's the same amount every two weeks, and yet she spends too much money on frozen coffees, psychics in the French Quarter, cigarettes, etc., and then borrows from me!" Then I thought badly of myself, because if she was paying me back, it really was none of my business, right? Then one day she asked for $40, and I paused before I said, "yes," because if I didn't get this amount back, one of my bills wouldn't get paid. I guess she detected that I was nervous about this, though, and said, "Nevermind." And the friendship was never the same. :sad:

A friend of my husband's asked us for $5,000 in 1994 to pay off credit card debt. My husband said he'd have to think about it. We knew the reason he needed the money was that he and his wife made impulse purchases on things like karaoke machines and treadmills that they didn't use and couldn't afford, but were afraid we'd never see the money again and the friendship would be ruined. So, my husband told his friend, "I can afford to give you $500 dollars, but that's all I can do." At first the friend was happy, but then said, "Well, can you at least co-sign on a loan for me to pay off the debt?" My husband asked, "Can you afford to pay the monthly note?" The friend said, "Of course." So my husband said yes. And for the next two years, every month the bank called us and said, "The note hasn't been paid." My husband would then call the friend, and be embarrassed to ask, "Um, I hate to call you with this, but did you get the note from the bank, because they called me." And then he'd listen to all of the excuses, knowing that they were still out and about spending money, and that we were suddenly not getting invited to their house as much. And then other friends told us that he was going around saying we were skinflints.:eek2:

So, srbo, your father had the right idea! Give, and then forget about it. But it's sad, isn't it, that the people who ask are the ones who usually end up somehow terminating the relationship. I wonder if they feel entitled to things, thinking, "Hey, that guy has something, and I don't - he should give some to me!"

[Srbo]

Susan, somehow your story made me sad.
You and your hubby are good people and I don`t like that "friend" of yours at all.

But, that`s the way it is...I hope you didn`t lose your faith in humanity after that...

[rose key]

Great thread, Srbo.

So, srbo, your father had the right idea! Give, and then forget about it. But it's sad, isn't it, that the people who ask are the ones who usually end up somehow terminating the relationship. I wonder if they feel entitled to things, thinking, "Hey, that guy has something, and I don't - he should give some to me!"

You might be right about that feeling of entitlement. That's hard for me to get my head around, but that might be it. I was thinking that the person was just too embarrased and ashamed to call or come around.
The thing I hate most about that, is it makes me feel so used.

[SusanNorton]

Srbo - no, I didn't lose faith in humanity! Just in certain people... :sad:

I left out the most horrific story - a family member borrowed heavily from my husband, and then told him to bug off. I couldn't even bring myself to share the details, it was so discouraging.

Rose Key - "Used" is the right word. You start off being friends with someone, then you start feeling like a bank, and then when they're done with you it's goodbye. Maybe it is because of shame, I don't know.

[mrg666]

That was a nice story
All the while i was rooting for the guy to turn out to be Bill Gates or someone as uber rich :laugh:

[Natjen24]

Lending money is always a sore point, no matter how you look at it. I've lended money to my mother for as long as I had money. It began, ironically with my allowance. I was given quite a big allowance for a 15y old but when money became tight, she always asked me to lend her some, she would give it back together with my next one. This became a habit for several years, and I didn't mind giving it to her, because I lived in the house and I had to eat too. The only thing that bothered me was that one day she could be asking me money for gas while she had been partying all night the week before spending money like she had some. But what could I do.

But as time passed and I started working in the weekends and at nights to pay for college, because she didn't have the money to pay for it, and here in Belgium we have a reversed system of scholarships.. You have to pay it first and somewhere during the year you get it back. So I worked my *ss off, trying to collect the money, in which I succeeded, and a few months later I received a check, which she collected. She was going to pay me back and in the beginning everything was allright. Every month she gave me what she could miss, it wasn't much but I never expected that. But then there came a month without nothing, but she was buying drinks for everyone wherever she came, and then another month. After a while I hesitantly asked her (she's still my mom) why I hadn't gotten anything anymore. It was the beginning of a rant, saying I was ungrateful, greedy and that she never could count on me. I remember it like yesterday, my mom accusing me of being selfish in the middle of a pub with all these people staring at us, most of them her friends. It was the most degrading moment of my life, and with my temper, I lashed out.

We didn't speak for a while, but eventually she came around and apoligised for what she had said. Nothing was said of the loan and the money she was still supposed to pay back, and I didn't bother anymore. It wasn't worth it.

Of course since we all have good and bad times, I had a rough patch a few years back, desperately needing money and she came through, for which I am still grateful. She had saved up some money in the meantime and gave me what she still owned me, with a little extra. We agreed to never mention it again.

What did I learn from all this. I don't lend money easily, but if I can spare it, I'll give it.

And Srbo, again a wonderful thread! :smile2:

[Todash]

My husband and I feel precisely the same about lending: we do not loan money that we cannot afford to lose, and we both "forget" about it (me literally, usually) after the loan is made. That way if you get the money back it's like an unexpected present, and if you don't, it doesn't sour the relationship.

Also, though, we don't loan to certain family members who are chronically poor managers of their money. That's enabling, like buying an alcoholic a fifth of gin.

[Srbo]

That was a nice story
All the while i was rooting for the guy to turn out to be Bill Gates or someone as uber rich :laugh:

Actually, so was I. :smile2:

[malarabid]

I have to agree with Charms7, once it goes from my hand to yours, it's yours. If you no longer have a need for it and want to return it, great (but if it's a book, you should just pass it on because I probably already got another copy if I love it that much). If you continue needing it, keep it.

But I don't think people should feel bad about saying "no" either. A lot of people are afraid to say no. If a friend cannot understand why you have to say "no" then they are just as much a "friend" as the one who avoids you after you lend them something.

Thanks for the beautiful post, Srbo. It's great to be able to be generous when someone really needs it.

[Srbo]

Natjen, your mom is ( or was ) some kind of a party goer, huh ?
But, as I can see, she shared her wealth too, not that she is stingy or something...

Thanks for the kind words and thanks for sharing.:smile2:

[Anagantios]

i'm a bit of a skint student when it comes to money, i work my butt off everyweek to get paid, but the money i do get goes towards bus fares, equipment i need for my course (paints, brushes etc etc etc the list is endless), food (brought at college at dinner) and i also buy my own food at home as i don't get a lot of money it saves me paying extra on boarding and food (with my parents) and stops me eating their food...
although i don't have a lot of it left to myself when i've brought everything i need i'll always give a homeless person a couple of quid (£ GBP), if i've been in a cafe i'll leave a tip (i'm a waitress so i know how much people working in restaurants and cafes rely on tips as their wages) i'll even give a little to buskers... i don't care that i don't get a lot of money most the time, there's people that need it more than i do at times

[Nutty Bavarian]

I'm hit and miss with lending money.

In America you need a waiver from your parents to work if you're under 15 yrs old. My parents wouldn't sign it because they wanted me to focus on school, which I understand, but I was a teenager and I wanted my own money. So the day I turned 16 I went and got a job without my parents’ permission. Nothing special, but I was making $5.25 per hour and that was pretty good for a 16yr old in 1996.

Around the summer of 1997 my parents got divorced and my mom and I moved to a fairly big college town. I continued working close to 25 hours a week and going to High School. It was tough, but my mom had started college and to help pay the rent I kept working. As she got further along in school she started asking me for more and more cash every month. Sometimes I felt the adult giving the child money for college. I tried not to let it bother me, but I spent my teenage years working and not really doing what a kid is supposed to do. Going to parties. Going on dates, to the Prom. I missed out on all these things working to pay the rent.

She still asks for money at times and if I have it I try and help her. But she knows how big a drain it's put on me.

To top it all off my own brother emptied my bank account when I was 18. He stole my ATM card and cleaned me out.

I've helped some friends in the past, but because of my previous experience I did so without expecting it back. I'm single, no kids, so if I can help them and their little girl I do. The sad thing is they repay when they don't have to and my family stiffs me.

But like I said if I can help someone I do. I feel a sense of joy to do things for others. The tough times in my past make these times even sweeter for me.

[tillyn]

Hi Sirbo, yet another good true life story. My father is now 83, he is in the hospital , recovering from pneumonia . He has a pace maker and is now not allowed to live on his own. Your story reminds me of many kind acts my dad did through out our child hood. He would never let a person put down a cat or a dog, he would always bring them home. (hence my love for animals.) He would bring people home and feed them when they were down on there luck and help them get on there feet. (sometimes they would stay for weeks at a time.) Helped out the older folks around our town, driving them around, giving money etc. Never asked for any thing in return. Always has a smile when he sees someone, and i have never heard him utter a bad word about anyone, ever. How many people can say that about anyone. When i would be a pain in the ass (17 was a tough year.) he would smile and not say anything. I came to realize, he knew i would come to my senses and smarten up. I see him now and he talks about the first time he took me fishing and he laughs because he says i caught this small fish, which was not a good one to eat, but i was so happy he couldn't say anything about throwing it back. A good man in my books. I am fortunate enough to know a few people who would help out a person out and not expect any thing back. I am lucky that they are my friends. I do try to help people when possible, and never do it expecting anything in return . (even if it's money.) Life is a wheel right? What goes around comes around (Ka)

[Srbo]

That is really sad, Mr Bayern Munchen, that your brother stole all the money from you.
How is that possible ?
I am glad you helped your mom out despite everything, you are a good son.:smile2:

Lucy, that was a wonderful story about your Dad and I am happy you shared it with us.:smile2:

[Natjen24]

Natjen, your mom is ( or was ) some kind of a party goer, huh ?
But, as I can see, she shared her wealth too, not that she is stingy or something...

Thanks for the kind words and thanks for sharing.:smile2:

She was and still is, but definitely got more wiser. :)
She never really had any money, got into debt a lot, but lately she's been doing alright, almost break-even sort of speak and us, it's a slow progress, a lot has happened that we can't take back but I am grateful that we still have eachother. One of the plussides though, is that we are friends now, rather than mother and daughter, because that was not working out for the both of us.

Also thanks for your response. And I don't mind sharing so much anymore, it brings people together. :smile2:

[Nutty Bavarian]

My brother is a crafty individual. He stole my atm card one day while I was doing home work (I didn't have my wallet in my pocket) and figured out my pin number. He did several other things similar to this over the years, but I learned to not let it happen to me again.

He's gotten better since he's had kids, but I still play it safe around him. It's sad I have to keep an eye on my wallet around my brother.

In their own way my family has taught me right from wrong. I've always tried to find the silver lining to life.

[Anni M]

Srbo, beautiful story of your father...Thank you. :)

I was raised with the saying "Never a borrower or a lender be" and "Never lend a friend money, for that will end the friendship" After a few mishaps, I found those old sayings to be true.
I have a friend in a very tight situation--she lived at a campground all summer because she lost her home (update--she just got into a co-op) and I wanted to bail her out so badly. BUT, am I wanting to do this for her or for my ego? So, I gave her smokes, gave her some clothes for her kids that Ben outgrew, gave her all kinds of junk...she never left my house without a bag of something...but I never gave her a dime...
It's a win -win. And nobody owes anyone.

[Jaedpact]

My Old man tells me that the only thing he can offer is a mirror into how not to live my life. I can relate to what you are saying about your family.

[SusanNorton]

Srbo, beautiful story of your father...Thank you. :)

I was raised with the saying "Never a borrower or a lender be" and "Never lend a friend money, for that will end the friendship" After a few mishaps, I found those old sayings to be true.
I have a friend in a very tight situation--she lived at a campground all summer because she lost her home (update--she just got into a co-op) and I wanted to bail her out so badly. BUT, am I wanting to do this for her or for my ego? So, I gave her smokes, gave her some clothes for her kids that Ben outgrew, gave her all kinds of junk...she never left my house without a bag of something...but I never gave her a dime...
It's a win -win. And nobody owes anyone.

Anni - you are so smart! Your friend is lucky to have you.

[Srbo]

Anni, that`s pure wisdom.

Thank you for sharing and the kind words.:smile2:

[Jaedpact]

I have a similar tale. I've got a couple of close friends that have had a rough go of living here recently. I was inclined to attempt to give them cash to make things smoother, but decided against it as i didn't wish to disrespect them or cause any feelings of charity or pity or obligation. I was able to give them my POS car mobile. I recently upgraded vehicles and just couldn't see myself selling the old green goblin a 1995 mitsu mirage 5 speed manual transmition with no ac ( in texas thats a death sentence) and a strange smell of transmition and other oils combined into funk from the trunk. They got the car and have been able to find work and have a way to get to and from. Turns out my buddy is extremely handy with cars.

[Anni M]

Anni - you are so smart! Your friend is lucky to have you.
Thank you, Susan. :love:
And I'm lucky to have her...she is ALWAYS straight up with me and if I need a boot in the butt, she has the jam to do it! That's a true friend--one who won't coddle me if I'm having a snarky and/or hissy fit! She just says "Get over yourself!" LOL :biggrin2:

[Srbo]

Thanks for sharing, jaedpact.:smile2:

[tracie]

i understand the way your father acted about the money situation i think when he lent the money he was prepared to lose it or he really believed that he was more fortunate than others i've done the same and every time i lend money i always feel fortunate that i actually have the money to lend and i never asked for it back like your farther said his friend had to come to him.money is material, human kindness is priceless you should be very proud to have a father that had those priceless values