Depression,by Henry

[HENRY]

I'm sure you all have wondered if I've dropped off the earth or something,all is okay!Been really dealing with some bad bouts with depression.I am on meds,it's just that somedays I don't have the strength or will to get out of bed!I really wish I could say that its just a case of the blues!Just doesn't shake off that easily!If it weren't for my pooches I don't think I'd be sitting here now writing!
I do see a therapist too,and believe me that really helps too!For those of you out there feeling the same you probably understand where I'm coming from!Some people just don't understand that depression is a disease just like cancer and it can kill!It's not just being sad,somedays I pray to God to please let me die,I'm so tried feeling like this!That is where my faith takes over and God grants me the strength to keep going on!

In time I hope to be back posting and chatting with my dear family on the message board again,just for now bear with me and just know you all are always in my thoughts and prayers!I just have some issues(mainly weight)that I'm struggling with!Galli,wrote and said that you all are posting up a storm in recipes,anxious to see whats there!!P.S. pooches are doing well and taking care of their Poppa this time!!Little Buddy is 100%!!!MUCH LOVE TO ALL YOUR KITCHEN GURU HENRY:biggrin2:

[Ubasti]

(((Henry)))

Hang on to the things that make you happy in life. You'll make it through.

[Spideyman]

It is good to see you post again, Henry. Please know you are kept in good thoughts, good vibes and prayers by all your Tet-Mates. We do miss you.
Take your time and come visit as you are able. Wonderful about Buddy and glad to hear all the critters are well. Now, take care of you!

(((((Henry)))))

[Kim L.]

(((((Henry))))) Good to hear from you again and good news about Buddy. What you're going through is tough, but you're doing all the right things to get better.

[racheypen80]

Keep pressing on Henry! Hey- did you know there is a Pillsbury Million $$ bake-off this year- http://www.pillsbury.com/bakeoff/about-the-contest/overviewYou should come up with an awesome recipe and enter. I find keeping busy helps with my depression issues.

[mstay]

It's good to see you back Henry. I'm sorry you've been having so many troubles. Don't give up and come back and see us when you can.:smile2:

[poisonbat]

I know how crippling depression can be, I am sorry to hear you are going through this. Lean on us, talk about it, we will be hear to listen. I know No one can fix your depression but it is still good to reach out to those who deeply care about you just to talk. Talk about it until it doesn't hurt anymore. That is what I do when I am in the depression cycle. Good luck my friend.:smile2::bat:

[Todash]

Glad to see you post, Henry. Hang in there. (And I'm glad to hear about Little Buddy; I know you were really worried about him.)

[Volic]

Henry!!!! How good to see you here again! Please know that you have been missed so much by all your friends, and we all have been sending so many prayers for you and wishes of good health!

[Terry B]

Keep the faith Henry. Your extended family cares.

[BlackThorn]

I've had that line, from the Evanescense song 'Tourniquet', stuck in my head all week... where she screams, "I WANT TO DIEEEEEE!"

The last time I ate some psylocyben mushroom chocolates, I remember crawling around on my bed, thinking just the same thing, over and over, for nearly the whole four hour trip.

However, with me, it's not really chemical depression or anything. Believe me, I understand depression. I understand what it's like to not be able to have fun, because your mind shuts you off from enjoying it. Hell, when I was younger, I threw away every real chance I had for my true future. I lost some very important aspects of my own existence I can't get back. Back then, I just watched it go, and didn't think twice about the permanant ramifications of those decisions I made. But then, I chose that path, and I honestly knew what I was doing when I took those initial steps down it. Strangely enough though, all that has very little to do with why I'd be cheering so damn loudly inside, if some psychopath needed to kill one of his hostages to prove a point, and it happened to be me that was there for the bullet. It's not really that I'm stressed or taxed in life either. It has to do more with the system, and looking right in Gods eyes and telling him, "King me bro. I'm gonna win this game of checkers."

But honestly Henry. We're all gonna die. No matter how much **** life shovels in your face, it will be over someday. I just smile in that shitstorm, and live every day knowing I'm one step closer to being unleashed on eternity.

This might be a matter of opinion, but if you do commit suicide, all the suffering you've done in this life won't mean anything, and you'll need to do it all again. And maybe next time it would be even less bearable. Buck up like a good warrior spirit, and clean your misery plate proper, and get it out of your souls system, so you'll be fresh and ready for a journey less harsh than this one.

I'm just too mad at life to consider suicide, personally. I'm reallllllyy good at suffering, and part of me just loves being the guy who eats it, and then uses it's meat to build muscles. Besides, people out there who hate me might give a cheer if I took my own life. You think I'm gonna give them that? Haha. ;)

[brownmouse]

Yes, I was getting quite concerned bout you! So happy to see your post but so sad to hear that you are having depression. I know just how hard depression can be. And my heart goes out to you. Please know I am here if you need to 'talk'. Just PM me. God Bless.

[Lizard slushie]

Henry! Hi! It's good to see you around again. Please stop by once in a while and let us know how you're doing. We care about you and want you to get well. Sending hugs . . . (((((Henry)))))

[hipmamajen]

(((((Henry)))))

I've been where you are. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

[boogerb53]

I love you so much, Henry. I'll try to call you this evening or at lunch! You are my heart.

[Srbo]

Dude, hang in there.
You will overcome it..it is hard, and it does take time, but we all send prayers and good vibes your way...and we believe in you.:smile2:

[AmandaRose]

good to see you Henry, I was wondering where you have been, as Kim said it sounds as though you are doing all the right things and prayers and best wishes all around you :)

[Liselle]

Good to see you posting again Henry, was wondering where you had got to. Hope you overcome the Depression and we will be here waiting for when that day comes. Sending hugs and wishes your way.((((((((Henry)))))))

[arista]

(((Henry)))

[BRUMMIEYID]

Hang in there Henry,

And while I have your attention....Thanks for the POTS and PANS group!! I've enjoyed posting some recipes in there, hope you like them.

[AngelZ]

Hang in there Henry! Depression can be overcome. Take it one day at a time.

[LadyPain]

Hi Henry,

I'm bipolar. I live mainly at the high, strung-out end, but when I crash it is spectacular. I have had days in the past before I learned how to cope where I was sitting on my hands, or I'd go for the knives.

Henry, I use exercise to help with the moods. I got hooked on the endorphin rush. I also find that talking helps sometimes. If you ever need an ear, I'm one of the willing ones. People do need to understand it is an illness like cancer and not a crutch. Now, those with cancer may get their backs up about that comment, but depression eats holes in your soul and drains you. It's not easy, it won't be easy, but you will have to find your own way out. It's a hard path to take, but it IS possible. I've learned to ride very violent mood changes. You have the strength to do this as well. You just need to tap into it.


(((HENRY)))

[smooth operator]

Henry ~ believe me, I know what depression can do to you. I have been where you are more than once. My best advice is not to be alone. Your dogs can provide better company than many people, but you also need the company of other people now and then. Loneliness almost killed me a few times. I know what terribly hard work it can be just to get up, go outside, and face the world. Often, it feels like it is impossible. Try. If nothing else, call a friend, or post a message on the board. We will be here for you.

[tillyn]

Henry, take care and hang in there.

[blunthead]

Hi Henry. I've had Clinical Depression on a number of occasions. In my case, these times have been triggered by external events, so I can't say I've been where you are, unless this is also the reason for your current depression. Meanwhile, I believe, since adolescence, I tend to have low-grade depression on a daily basis. Currently, I'm off anti-depressants; however, actually as of today, I've begun to consider trying a medication again.

Regardless of the reason of onset of depression--external event(s) or congential chemical imbalance--don't despair. If the med you're taking isn't helping, ask for a different one. Finding the appropriate med, or med-combo, is notoriously difficult in the case of depression and other emotional diabilities, as well as other conditions (hypertension, for instance). Therapy which includes a cognitive behavioral approach is helping me.

So, as the others have said, don't give up. I attend a 12-Step program which has an anxiety/depression group, which is sponsored by my church, and through which I've gotten an excellent referral to an inexpensive therapist.

Thanx, Henry, for your openness and honesty, and for reaching out to this forum for help. Sometimes just one step gets you half the way home.

[Born In Sin]

Henry, I am thinking about you all the time and know that we miss you here! Give the pups a BIG kiss for me. Like Poisonbat said LEAN ON US, we are here for you! There is a reason why you came here to the message board, to help us, help you. (((Henry)))

[kingricefan]

Hi Henry!! I hope things are getting better for you since your posting of almost a week ago! Please don't do anything rash, things will be (and hopefully ARE) getting better for you? I've felt like you at times throughout my life also, but one thing I've learned is you gotta MAKE yourself get on up out of that bed and at least make an attempt to change things. I just went thru being unemployed for nine months and feeling like crap and worthless everyday. Can't even tell you how many times I was passed over for jobs that I was OVERQUALIFIED for!! Times are tought right now, but things will get better! They ALWAYS do!! Just have faith in things and in yourself. You were put on this plain of existance for a reason, seek it out and do ggod things with the life you have been blessed with. Your dogs depend on you for their lifeline, don't let them down by doing something dumb. Take care of yourself and let the rest of us know what's up, OK??

[Drawn to Ka-tet]

Dear Henry-
I am so happy to see you on the MB today !
You sparkle mon ami! We love to see you in print.
Please take of yourself- remember we need you.
Take joy from the little things in life.
Long days and pleasant nights,Sai!!