Hard Road...

[Srbo]

Man, it was always hard for me.
I know, most people are going to say the same, but everybody bears his own Cross, so I can only speak for me...
Sounding once again like a whiner, but I don`t care...it is what it is...

I was born in Germany, lived there for almost 13 years...my dad and mom went there from old Yugoslavia at the end of the sixties to make some money...
And boy, did they ever.
That`s also where they met, fell in love and had my two sisters and me.

When I went too school there, nobody wanted to be friends with me or sit beside me...I was just another " gastarbeiter "...some Yugovich, as they used to say...

Yeah, I had maybe two friends, but that was it.

At the beggining of the 80-ties, August 83 to be exact, I was 12..and my parents decided to move back home.
They made a s-load of money, build a house, we had six cars...and life should`ve been good.
But..once again..I went to school..and nobody wanted to be friends with me..for the first three years or so anyway.
I was " Ze German ".
Funny, I know..or maybe sad..who knows..

Eventually, we grew up..I got older and learned how to gain some respect from people.
You know how you do that ?
Just be quiet when you don`t have something really good to say...and be brave when need be.
Nothing else.

So, from 1986- 7 things were - Heaven. It was so good that I can`t even describe it.
Well, I can, but it would take too long...just imagine how you feel when you are so deep in love that your stomach hurst, your hearts aches, you have really good parents that love you with all their heart, you have at least one good friend, have a really, really, really fat pay check waiting for you and savings to go with it, and you are so happy you are smiling all the time...

You are so happy that you love everybody.

And then came the War.
I don`t want to write about it this time.
So many bad thing happened there that I just want to forget. Which...well, I never can.

So, here I am now in Canada. For almost 14 years.
Man, I love this country. It`s great. It does have it`s flaws, but very little ones. Either they are so little that I cant` see them..or I simply don`t care.

And once again - I am the stranger. I am once again on the Hard Road.
Not so much from the Canadians - they are OK, they are people who take it easy and simple...
They also take it with their heart...and very hard when something goes wrong. They like their freedom. They really do. They are good folks, for real.

But " my " people..people form former YU that also live here..are almost impossible.

I don`t know how, but I became a traitor.

" Srbo...why do you read only books written in English ? Why do you watch only American/English movies ?
Why are you such a fan of Stephen King, Hemmingway and all those other American A-holes ?
Do you know what they did to Serbia? Do you remember how bad it was ? Do you remember the NATO bombings in 99 ? Canada dropped some bombs on us too. How come you are never at some Serbian gatherings ? How come you are not at some protest marchs that we organize ?
They hate us man, how come you don`t get that?"

" Well...I get it, all right.
They hate me so bad that when I came here they gave me a place to live...clean, nice, warm.
They gave me checks for free, just so I can get used to live here without working...to get to know things. And they still would, if I would be out of work. They taught me a new language.
They gave me their passport. They don`t beat me up for no reason. I can be whatever I want to be here, if i set my mind to it. No boundaries here.
Why am I not at protests ? Why are you, man ? Why do you go there, burn the Canadian and American flag regularly, yet you live here, yet this is a country that embraced you, yet you are going to go to work tommorow and kiss someones behind just coz he is your boss, no matter if he is a Canadian, American, black, Muslem, yelloe, maybe from Mars ? Tommowrow you ain`t gonna be that big Serb you are right now...you are going to try to get ZE DOLLAR...
Why am I not at Serbian gatherings ? Why would I be ? After six beers everything thats ever talked about there is how bad it is here and how big of fighters and warriors you were " when it mattered "...
Right.
And now you sit here, collect Welfare checks, have Plazma TV-s of 64 inchess, a good job, two cars, and yet you spit on this soil....
If it`s so bad...why don`t you go home, brother ? There is always an empty seat in some airplane that has Serbias name on it...

Do I remember ?
Yes. I remember. I will never forget.

But...the first two things in my life that I`ve learned were this:
LOVE AND RESPECT.
Be a man. A human being.

Don`t forget where you come form and what happened...but respect where you live.
Is that so hard ?

Apparently it is.

There is no road but a Hard Road...that`s what they say...

Thanks for reading.

[poisonbat]

Brought tears to my eyes, You have seen much that my eyes have not. I am so happy that you are somewhere you are happy. I wonder these same thoughts frequently when I hear people who have chosen to come live here in the US bash it. If you hate it here, why have you come? I get you. I can not say that I have ever felt your particular pain, but I do know about being bullied in school. Not for the same reasons, but still.:sad::bat:

[Haunted]

Many, many hugs, Srbo.

[JohnDalglish]

Hi,

Tears to my eyes too, thankee for sharing, Srbo.

Long days and pleasant nights

[mojomofo]

Srbo, I don't know what to say, other than that I was very moved.

I read once (in a preface by SK I believe) that every story is essentially one of two tales; a stranger comes to town, or a man leaves town. You have been both. I know if you were ever to want to share your story, there are many people right here that would love to read it or hear it.

Patriotic BS aside, I think you are a man that has found what is important to him, and that is what you live for. And that is right. So take what strength you need from the SKMB folks, and keep focused on your family.

Guess I had more to say then I thought.

[hipmamajen]

Eventually, we grew up..I got older and learned how to gain some respect from people.
You know how you do that ?
Just be quiet when you don`t have something really good to say...and be brave when need be.
Nothing else.


This is so true, just beautiful.

Thank you for sharing all of this with us. (((((Srbo)))))

[Lizard slushie]

Thank you Srbo for posting your experiences for us.

[Jax]

I think you are a man that has found what is important to him, and that is what you live for. And that is right.

I couldn't agree with mojo more Srbo. Thank you for sharing. (((Srbo))):)

[Ubasti]

(((Srbo))) Just remember that your SKMB family from all over the world loves you and doesn't judge you. :love:

[ally88]

Hi Srbo, i was very moved by your post. It is clear you have suffered some very difficult times in your life yet you still appear to be a very grounded individual..good luck to you for everything in the future.:smile2:

[LadyPain]

Srbo,

I am a Canadian, born and raised on Vancouver Island out on the coast. I'd be happy to call you a part of my family.

Everyone has their own Hard Road. Some are harder than others, such as yours. Most of us are fortunate enough to avoid war, but other things haunt some of us, me included. I stopped sleeping well at Christmastime when my stalker became a part of my life. I have to exhaust myself to be able to sleep. It is now a part of the life I live, I guess. He seeks me out.

My health is also a Hard Road for me. Twice last year, my doctor tested to make sure my liver and kidneys were not starting to fail from the lupus. I am hoping not to take those tests this year, but time will tell.

I respect you for all you have lived through. I envy you for your daughter because I never was able to have kids because of the lupus. Couldn't risk it. I think you are on the right track, no matter what other people will say.

Enjoy the country we live in. Most Canadians don't realize how lucky they are.

[jenboxer77]

WOW! What a wonderful voice! A beautiful way to express yourself and tell your story! Well done! Thank you for sharing!

[Presque Vu]

Great thing to hear that you've stood your ground despite all these hits life gave you... human beings in the real sense of the words, that's what we all need to strive to be!

Thanks for sharing.^^

[Agincourt Concierge]

Thank you for sharing Srbo.....

incidently....I think you and your wife are both wonderful, loving souls...and the honor is mine for knowing you both...:)

[bopropadop]

Beautiful words, Srbo! Thank you for sharing with your friends here.

[Scoutabout]

Thank you Srbo. Your story puts my problems in perspective meaning I don't have any REAL problems. Thanks for sharing.

[JRLauer]

Hey my brother, we're all glad to have you here. Thanks for sharing your story, it was very moving.

[pandora]

The hard road, is maybe not the chosen one but the road that ends in truth. It sounds like you might be done traveling on that particular path. It's not a terrible thing to be happy and I hope you don't let those other people infect you with their bitterness. Sending you all my good juujuu !

[belladonna]

((((((((((Srbo))))))))))))
I've read some parts of your story before in trivia. Seems you have overcome many really bad things. You have a family, a daughter, you will make a safe place for her to grow up and surround her with love. All you can do is keep moving forward.

[Bluey Lunger]

dunno what to say, srbo. i'm glad to count you as a friend. :y: just a thought, but check out the painted bird, jerzy kozinski, if you haven't already.

[boogerb53]

I know how hard that must have been to share. Believe it or not, it is a significant step in the healing process. I am proud you chose this forum to share your story. As your tet-mates, we love you and accept you for who you are. No judgements here, friend.

[Srbo]

Thank you everybody for your kind words...:smile2:

I meant this thread to be inspirational, sorry if it came off the wrong way to some folks..didn`t mean to make anyone cry...

Just wanted to say that nothing, no matter how hard it is, is stronger then the human soul...

As for these peeps that have all these questions and "advices" for me...
what can I do...like I said somewhere before - The Stand continues...must be tough on them though to be miserable their whole friggin lifes..

Thank again, you guys really are my family...:smile2:

[Kim L.]

Srbo, you are always, always welcome here.

[Lizard slushie]

Srbo, it was inspirational, still made me cry but not in a bad way. :)

[BRUMMIEYID]

Srbo, I'm speechless!

It is always hard to understand the hardness of other peoples lives when our own lives are easy and simple and untainted by misery, shock and the hellishness that others have faced.
We can all feel hard done by......and then we can read, or see the life others have faced and it opens our eyes.


You have my upmost respect Srbo. Thankyou for sharing.
Brummie.

[Theregulator]

A very touching and inspiring tale. Thanks for sharing.

[smooth operator]

[QUOTE=Srbo;276668]

There is no road but a Hard Road...that`s what they say...

I agree with you on this. There are many different Hard Roads out there. Many of us have traveled our own. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel. You just have to be willing to look for it.
The fact that you can still see the good in people and that you do not base your life on hatred is inspiring. Thank you for sharing your story. I was also moved by it - and I felt very proud of you. You have traveled far on the path to enlightenment and you set a fine example of what a man should be.

[Srbo]

dunno what to say, srbo. i'm glad to count you as a friend. :y: just a thought, but check out the painted bird, jerzy kozinski, if you haven't already.

Thanks for the tip.:smile2:

And thank you guys once again for reading and taking your time to leave a comment.:smile2:

[tillyn]

I am a Canadian, born and raised. My husband always tells me people do not know how good they got it here in Canada. He was a UN peacekeeper and lived in Cyprus , Germany, he saw things he cannot get out of his mind. He always said when he came home he'd kiss the ground he was born in. I am always hopeful when someone moves to our country that they find kind, helpful people. Sirbo, i hope for only the best for you and yours.

[boogerb53]

Srbo, I'm speechless!

It is always hard to understand the hardness of other peoples lives when our own lives are easy and simple and untainted by misery, shock and the hellishness that others have faced.
We can all feel hard done by......and then we can read, or see the life others have faced and it opens our eyes.


You have my upmost respect Srbo. Thankyou for sharing.
Brummie.

Can I get an AMEN from the choir!!!!!

[Srbo]

Hi boogerb53.

Man, am I ver glad to see you back.

You`ve travelled a Hard Road this past few days that I only know to well about...

Keep your head high, no matter how hard it is...

We must stay strong, there is no other way...

[Srbo]

Hmmm, booger, I`ve just learned that your dog died.

Once again, down the hard Road, eh ? :sad:

Really sorry to hear that.