Henny Youngman vol 2...
I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.
If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.
Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but New York City?
My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself.
My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it's feet first!
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
She has a wash and wear bridal gown.
She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.