...I truly understand where you girls are coming from, and yes, undoubtedly the high road is the better path to being the bigger person-but that is the dark side of my soul....I forgive on occasion, but I never forget...it is one of a multitude of character flaws...
If you could not speak before, then don't wait for a death to speak out....I feel that it isn't proper. The person is dead....I do not believe that we should speak ill of the dead if we couldn't find our tongues before this.
Sometimes a living person has such a stranglehold on another that only with their death is their victim released. That wasn't the case for me, and it wasn't the case for these people, apparently, but it does happen.
I think if you treat another person, especially your child, so horribly--and I am not talking about genuine mistakes; everyone makes mistakes (hell, my mother never left my father, and yes, that was probably a big mistake, but you know what? I forgive her for it COMPLETELY because she is human and was doing the best she could and he told her he would kill us if she left so what kind of choice is that?)--but if you treat another person in a way that is grossly abusive, you lose your right to have the world think you were any kind of good guy after you're gone.
I'm not talking about them taking the higher road when I say that this obituary speaks to the kids's character. I'm talking about them growing up, healing and moving on with their lives in healthier ways all around. To hang onto this kind of bitterness doesn't hurt the old lady, it only consumes them.
Moving past it is healthier. For them and everybody around them.
You're right. But ... this is the obit. Their mother's death was probably a time of remembering their childhoods, regardless of what else they've done or how else they've moved on. My father's was for me. Seriously, I personally have moved on in just about every way possible (with the understanding that of course we're all shaped by our childhoods for our whole lives; no way to get around that one). But when he died a few years back, for a little while my brain decided it would be a good idea if I just had some of that lovely conflict and pain to enjoy again. Not long, and not with nearly as much venom as these folks ... but remember, I'd distanced myself from him for a long time. That helped immensely. Still, if I'd been asked to write anything or speak at the funeral, I would not have lied. I don't owe anyone a lie.
Hopefully this was a final cathartic mental vomiting for them. Maybe now that final weight is lifted. I hope so. Can you imagine the pain behind it?
I understand Todash and I am sorry. Nobody was on my side as a kid and pretty much everything I know is due to the fact that I taught myself. I guess you could say that I avoid the subject on the abuse I suffered at the hands of those that were suppose to protect me. I've always had to be grown and I've found my own beliefs and I realized that karma rules. I saw all of my abusers suffers. I'm not proud of that but I will not speak ill of them. There's no need. I won.
But Todash . . .I feel ya . . .
I think as long as those of us who are abuse sufferers find a way to live without perpetuating that abuse, then we've won. That's going to mean different things for different people.
Falmouth of the Mighty BlueGrass State and Commonwealth of Kentucky
Re: Scathing Obituary
Originally Posted by Todash
I would not have lied. I don't owe anyone a lie.
Might could be the, or at the very least one of, the most important decisions/choices/cathartic paths one can make for keepin' one's mind right & comfortably untight, especially in any lousy relationship complete with the ubiquitous life suckin' butthead(s), least I think so.
I mean if it isn't already just flat out lyin' to one's self, then it sure as shootin' will be, and that cain't good for nobody, well, nobody but the buttheads, and they seem to count on it...me, I'm a huge disappointment
Yes. I can. Which is why I speak to the need to overcome and move on. Spent my time being bitter, and how much better life is without dwelling on the past. I'm not criticizing them. I'm wishing for them to have a healthier future.