from modesto, california, now in knoxville, tennessee
"you are beautiful"
I have been a christian since i was a child. I was raised as one and later on in life became more and more distant with God. At one time I believe i just gave up entirely on it but found my way back. Well recently i had doubted god again. Felt like he wasnt there anymore and like i didnt know who God really was. Like he just left or something and no longer was there. This frightened me quite a bit and i started to doubt A LOT. I talked to my sister about doubting and she told me the way she stopped was personally asking the lord to touch her heart. So last night i did. At first nothing had happened. So i looked up my problem and found out all these wonderful things about him. That he never gives up on us, that he understands our doubts and loves us just because. I was brought to tears realizing this and started to cry over how ashamed i was for doubting such a loving being. I threw my arm over my face and kept crying until i heard someone say to me, "please take your arm away from your face." i did so and that same voice said "you're so beautiful. I love you." this made me cry much harder because i couldnt help but cry at my doubting. I finally stopped and when i did i heard the voice say "i am always here. I love you." this made me smile and laugh like a child does when being tickled. I am still trying to put my doubts to rest but after last night i know that i am sincerely loved by the one we know simply as God. And i love him too.
Dave, because of how hard the last three/four years have been on me, I've begun a long, difficult trek back to the faith of my fathers (and grandmothers)... if you eat of doubt long enough you develop a taste for it... time to change your tastes... sounds like you're on your way.