The darker side of our faith

**Todash** · March 8th, 2013

I understand what you are saying, Vose. I will just say by way of explanation of tone that there comes a point when responding to someone with anything other than your perception of the truth (you'll notice I didn't say "the truth") feels uncomfortably like enabling ... but not responding at all seems unconscionably cruel.

**doowopgirl** · March 8th, 2013

The best way I've found to deal with people who have really hurt me is just to let it go. Not 'get over it', because that isn't a realistic expectation, but say to yourself that it's more the other peoples problem than mine. It's hard, very hard, but for your own sake let them go. That way you win instead of letting the bad guys win by turning you bitter and twisted. Hope this is of some help.

**guido tkp** · March 9th, 2013

everyone of these people have given words of wisdom...read, then reread them, dave...then talk to someone...

don't let those others 'win' by destroying you as they have your trust in them...

far better to have found out the truth now...then when the tangled web they wove would've been tighter than it was

tomorrow...when you're walking about...look up...notice all those other people...

it's a bright, new world full of possiblities...guess what: those two ??? they've done you a service...

.

**Sepia and Dust** · March 9th, 2013

They say that hate is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.

I don't know how true that is, but--as an expert on never forgetting and never, ever forgiving--I can say that as long as you're feeling hurt and angry, you're basically OK. You're just reacting, adjusting, and (yes) learning.

But if you ever feel that crystal clear coldness of rage drop over you, then stop whatever you're doing and find the nearest hospital, police officer, or counseling hotline because you're about to explode.

**Shasta** · March 11th, 2013

Originally Posted by Todash

I understand what you are saying, Vose. I will just say by way of explanation of tone that there comes a point when responding to someone with anything other than your perception of the truth (you'll notice I didn't say "the truth") feels uncomfortably like enabling ... but not responding at all seems unconscionably cruel.

Couldn't agree with Todash more. DS has posted a whole lot of threads like this and I think that everyone here just wants him to get some help so he can live a full and happy life.

**dsurrett** · March 11th, 2013

Forgiveness doesn't mean you can or should trust the person anymore. Forgiveness is a condition of the heart. After you forgive someone and the old emotions well back up, remind yourself you've forgiven them, even if you have to do that 100 times a day. Ask the Lord to let you see them the way He does - as broken people who have great needs. That's not to excuse what happened, there can be no excuse for some things. When you forgive others, the main one who benefits isn't them, but you.
I struggle with forgiving a few folks from time to time, so I'm not above this struggle. I don't know if anyone is. But we have to remember the degree that God has forgiven us, and try to pass that same forgiveness to others.

**Todash** · March 11th, 2013

Originally Posted by dsurrett

Forgiveness doesn't mean you can or should trust the person anymore. Forgiveness is a condition of the heart. After you forgive someone and the old emotions well back up, remind yourself you've forgiven them, even if you have to do that 100 times a day. Ask the Lord to let you see them the way He does - as broken people who have great needs. That's not to excuse what happened, there can be no excuse for some things. When you forgive others, the main one who benefits isn't them, but you.
I struggle with forgiving a few folks from time to time, so I'm not above this struggle. I don't know if anyone is. But we have to remember the degree that God has forgiven us, and try to pass that same forgiveness to others.

Excellent point. Forgiving people does not mean you line up in front of them to accept whatever they're dishing out this week. Doesn't mean you're friends again. Doesn't mean you let them back into that same place in your life where they were before. You might choose to do that. You don't have to.

**~Ally~** · March 11th, 2013

My advice? Either do as Flake suggested--like many others here have also suggested to you time and time again--and get some counselling, or take some meds, do some exercise, get a hobby...anything. But if you're really not willing to help yourself, or take any of the advice regularly offered to you, then simply get over it and move on! We all have ****e happen, but it's up to you whether you let yourself be consumed by negativity, and allow it to impact upon the rest of your life. Sorry if that seems harsh, it's not intended to be, but only you can change your life. Good luck with whatever path you choose to follow.