I wanted to give an update on my recovery. I am back at work again, yay! I started last Thursday and everything has gone really well. Many of my worries in the last week I was off were about my return to work, but all those worries just dissolved away as soon as I got back in the saddle. There have also been some positive restructurings here during my absence that will give me a fresh beginning, so I don't feel like I have to "catch up" to where I left off. Everyone at my workplace has been incredibly supportive and I don't feel like I'm alone in all this.
Medicinally, what finally worked for me is a combination of Effexor (Venlafaxine) and Buspirone. I have had no side effects and no fatigue, and don't have any "spaced out" feelings. In addition to the medicine I am getting regular daily exercise and meditation. I have also changed the way I work--I am not trying to be superman any more, I am trying to focus on one thing at a time rather than making everything an urgent priority. There may be days where I'm not posting as much as usual on this board, I am trying to stay focused and not spread myself too thin.
On top of this, I have decided it is best for me to not hide my condition and to be open and honest about it. Part of the problem I was having before I sought help was an unwillingness to want to appear weak or somehow defective. But trying to put on a brave face just ended up making things worse for me, it felt like I was living a double life. I'm trying to allow myself to feel emotions more openly and be honest with myself instead of just soldiering on in misery. There are going to be good days and bad days but I'm feeling much more enabled to take whatever comes.
Thanks again to everyone who listened, made suggestions, or was just there for me. You guys are the greatest!