Politics is ruining my family

[Vose]

Feeling for you, Shasta. I liken this to my sister in law, who is a Jehovah's Witness. You absolutely CANNOT bring it up or allow her to bring it up, because there is no discussion - what she believes is the only belief that is allowed. That's the problem with any type of extremism, it ignores the whole "to err is human" ideology, and says that doubt of your own beliefs is weakness. I am sorry for your suffering relationship with your father, but I do believe things will cool down. It's still a fresh wound, and the right has used such a great amount of fear to rally the voters that now those who believed those scare tactics are afraid and looking for people to blame. It will pass, as all things. I'd like to say we (as a country) will learn from this, but we won't. Keep trying to make amends, stay away from talking about politics, and don't allow the two of you to drift apart over something like this! Or maybe try crying, that usually brings us menfolk around to those we care about!

[Moderator]

Found it!

Red state, blue state on This American Life. I love this American Life.

I'm going to listen to this again right now.

http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/478/red-state-blue-state

We were posting at the same time again. Yes, that was the show I was referring to.

[Shasta]

We were posting at the same time again. Yes, that was the show I was referring to.

Great minds and all.....

[bryras]

Shasta,

I'm sorry but I know that this happens. My state is very Republican.

I had the reversal of what you are talking about. I had no political affiliation. I saw my dad for the first time in 4 years and he said "Your a damn Republican". It was because I was wearing a shirt with collars. I suppose that most people are aware that the western states are republican for the most part I'm not. It hurt my feelings to be jumped on like that. My dad was a stanch supporter of whatever president was in office (25 years in the Army). He made me feel like I was wrong for having my own beliefs. Don't let it get you down. Political stuff is just that, political. You love your dad and he loves you. He might rag on Obama but at least you are still talking to him.

My dad died 8 years ago. I would love to give him crap and say "Hell yes I'm a republican" even though I am not.

[Shasta]

I really don't feel like having political arguments with my mother.

If I ever decide to forgive my father (which of course I will but right now I feel like pretending like I won't) I think this may be the direction we move to. It's unfortunate because I have learned so much from him and he's the one who taught me to be open-minded and think about each side. It's just too bad that he gets upset when I don't choose his side.

I really think he's getting weird as he gets older.

[Shasta]

My dad died 8 years ago. I would love to give him crap and say "Hell yes I'm a republican" even though I am not.

Thank you so much. I need that reminder. Thank you.

[fushingfeef]

It's a shame to hear this, Shasta. I do think he needs time to let the situation sink in and he'll eventually come around...after all, you're his daughter! Life is more than politics.

My dad was a total bullhead about religion. His way was right, all others were were wrong. No questioning it. I was never going to find any common ground with him so I chose not to talk about religion with him. Ever. If the subject ever came up, I simply changed the subject, or walked away. He had his mind made up that this was not an area he was going to explore or grow in. Our relationship was not going to be the same as it was before I started questioning my religious upbringing.

My theory is that much of the seemingly enormous chasm between "right" and "left", liberal and conservative, Republican and Democrat is manufactured by a lazy media whose job it is is to get you riled up and making yourself feel taller by cutting off the legs of others, not by educating you on what's really going on in the majority of the world. So we're always being shown the fringes, the extremes, not the moderate things that make the world go 'round and function much better than we'd ever believe.

If you turned on the news and they said "This just in...most people agree on this, this and this" or "continued peace between Canada and the USA" the media thinks you would not be watching for long, and they're probably right. Instead, it's much easier to say "Hey look at what this idiot just said! Can you believe that idiot just said that?" and you watch it and feel good about yourself because you know you're not that idiot, and you feel more secure in your beliefs, even though more and more we seem to be defined by not what we stand for, but what we stand against.

The problem is that we have all these easy substitutes for human contact in the form of the mass media and they all tell us exactly what we want to hear. At the same time we as a wealthy nation are having most of our needs met and we're like spoiled kids fighting over who gets the biggest piece of cake instead of just being happy that there's a cake to begin with.

[kingricefan]

Shasta- first off, if you know that your Dad has never apologized for any of his behavour, then don't expect him to now. When he does start to talk to you, accept that as his apology. I hate to see when families can't get along, but it happens. I myself have had falling outs with members of my family and we always seem to work it out and move on. Sometimes it takes a day or two, sometimes a week or two, sometimes it's months. I would maybe just ask your Dad why he's so scared. Anger usually stems from some kind of fear. Of course, this may just set him off again. Sticky situation. I lost my Dad a couple of years back, and even tho we weren't all that close (absent father while growing up, second family with another woman, etc.) and I didn't speak to him for a lot of years, we did manage to mend fences, so-to-speak, and have some good years before he passed. Time is not on our side, so try to be accepting of him and try not to let this (what will be later) minor thing come between the two of you. He will get over his anger eventually. Good luck and whatever happens you know that we are here for you!!

[staropeace]

OK, I am Canadian but I would have voted for Mitt. I think Obama is a lovely man,but not all that good for Canadian interests. We are fortunate to live in two countries where we have the right to vote and have a say in our Nation's business. To think that the voters are stupid to vote for the Republicans or the converse is wrong thinking. We should respect the decisions .....even if they differ from our own. That is the point of democracy.

Presidents will come and go but family is forever...and the most important thing. I am sure your father will simmer down after the heat of the election wears off. He behaviour is wrong and somewhat silly but people do seem to get riled about such things. Just tell him you love him and for God's sake don't gloat...lol.

[Shasta]

Thanks everyone, for all of the kind words!

Fushing - you are totally right. I can't talk to my mother-in-law about religion either. I think this just hit me harder because it was my dad, but you're right. I need to just change teh sunject to his dog!

Kingricefan - My dad and I didn't talk for 10 years. (Evil step mother, long story.) Before that it had been just him and me but he changed a lot in the 10 years. Us coming back together really solidified our relationship and this is the first time anything negative has happened since then. I think I'm taking it very personally because of that. So I will try to relax and not take it personally. And don't worry, I don't expect him to apologize! I love my father very much but he does a lot of things that drive me nuts. That's one of them but I chose a long time ago to love him despite his flaws. He clearly chose the same for me!

Staro - I find that very interesting. What interests do you think Romney would have improved for Canada? (I ask because they Chinese and European people I have spoken to about this say the exact opposite.) And I definitely won't gloat! No way, I know better. Though he totally would have gloated if Romney had one. I learn all kinds of things from my dad, like how NOT to act sometimes!