Why did the cowboy get a Dachshund for a pet?
Why did the cowboy get a Dachshund for a pet?
A visitor to a certain college paused to admire the new Hemingway Hall that had been built on campus.
"It's a pleasure to see a building named for Ernest Hemingway," he said.
"Actually," said his Guide, "it's named for Joshua Hemingway. No relation."
The visitor was astonished. "Was Joshua Hemingway a writer, also?"
Never Copy From a Copy
A new young monk is a assigned to helping other monks copy the old canons and laws of the church by hand.
He notices, however, that all of the monks
are copying from copies, not from the original
manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the
Head abbot to question this, pointing out that
if someone made even a small error in the first
copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that
error would be continued in all of the subsequent
The head monk, says, 'We have been copying
from the copies for centuries, but you make
a good point, my son.'
He goes down into the dark caves underneath
the monastery where the original manuscripts
are held as archives in a locked vault that hasn't
been opened for hundreds of years. Hours go
by and nobody sees the old abbot.
So, the young monk gets worried and goes down
to look for him. He sees him banging his head
against the wall and wailing.
"We missed the R !
We missed the R !
We missed the R !"
His forehead is all bruised and he is
crying uncontrollably. The young monk
asks the old abbot, 'What's wrong, father?'
With a choking voice, the old abbot replies,
'The word was...
CELEB R ATE
Once there was this old man and he was lonely. So he went to the pet store to get a dog.
But they were out of dogs, and weren't going to get any more until the next Millennium!
So the man got a parrot. But the store owner warned him.
"The first 3 phrases he hears and likes, he will remember."
The man took the parrot home and some boys were in the old man's garden climbing the trees.
"Get down from there or I'll call the police." called the old man.
The kids shouted back, "Baloney, baloney, baloney." and the parrot repeated it.
The next day the old man took his parrot rock climbing.
Someone's climbing partner fell into a hole, and his partner yelled "Get a rope pull him up", and the parrot repeated it.
The day after, the old man took the parrot to a carnival.
The parrot heard someone yell, "Hit the black doll and win a prize." and the parrot repeated it.
The following day, being Sunday, the old man took the parrot to church.
The preacher began his sermon. "God lives up there."
"Baloney, baloney, baloney" yelled the parrot.
The preacher, angry at the interruption, looked at the parrot but continued. "The Devil lives down there."
And the parrot yelled "Get a rope pull him up."
The preacher, lost his cool and threw his Bible at the parrot.
Once upon a time, there were two lumberjacks, named Smith and Do-Dah.
These two lumberjacks became best friends, doing everything together.
They ate together (while working, of course), worked together, played together and even got married on the same day.
Every day, after saying goodbye to their wives, they would head for the woods to cut down trees.
They soon developed a routine way of doing things.
Smith would climb up into the tree, and cut the top part off, called "topping the tree".
Then when he had climbed down, Do-Dah would cut down the tree itself.
They followed this routine for over thirty years.
As the years passed, Do-Dah started to lose his hearing.
One day, Smith topped off the tree and yelled "Timber!" to let his friend know the top part was coming down.
Do-Dah didn't hear him and the falling tree top landed on him. Seeing that his friend was caught under the tree top, Smith rushed down the tree crying "Do-Dah! Do-Dah! My friend! Are you all right?"
But it was too late. His friend was dead.
After sitting and crying for a while, Smith decided he needed to go and tell Do-Dah's wife that her husband was dead.
As he walked thru the woods, towards her house, he kept thinking, over and over, "What am I gonna tell this poor woman? How do I tell her that her husband is dead???"
Before he knew it, he was standing outside her door, and still didn't know how to tell her.
Just then, the door opened. It was Mrs. Do-Dah, leaving to go shopping.
She was surprised to see Smith standing there, and asked, "Why, hello Smithy. What can I do for you today??"
Smithy was speechless and just stood there and looked at her.
A Panda bear walked into a bar and ordered a sandwich.
When he was done eating, he pulled out a gun and shot the bartender.
The other patrons in the bar were shocked. “Why did you do that?” they asked.
The Panda walked toward the exit, yelled “It's what I, do look it up!” over his shoulder, and left.
The patrons pulled out their phones and looked up Panda bears on the Internet.