Three friends married women from different parts of the country.
The first man married a woman from Indiana. He told her that she was
to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on
the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed
and put away.
The second man married a woman from Michigan. He gave his wife
orders to do all the cleaning, wash dishes, and prepare gourmet meals.
The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it
was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes
were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table.
The third man married a girl from North Carolina. He ordered her to
keep the house cleaned, the dishes washed, the lawn mowed, the laundry
washed and ironed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said
the first day he didn't see anything, and the second day he didn't
see anything, but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone
down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was
healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the
dishwasher. He still has some difficulty when he pees.
A cute old lady was walking along dragging 2 plastic garbage bags behind her.
One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk.
Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."
"Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer".
"Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. Where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?"
"Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to a Golf course.
A lot of Golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the
flowers, you know. Then I thought, 'why not make the best of it ?"
"So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers."
"Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me $20, or I will cut it off "
"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing.
"OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"
"Not everybody pays."
hand extended for ruler slap, Sister Merry-Go-Round