Anxiety

[fushingfeef]

Does anyone here suffer from anxiety (or at least anyone willing to talk about it?) I have been having a lot of anxiety for the past year and half, occasionally having attacks that leave me almost unable to function (I had a doozy last week where I pretty much had to flee the office). I've tried everything (meditation, exercise, deep breathing, etc.) and while it has sometimes helped me cope in the short term, the anxiety always comes back. What is frustrating is that it is generalized anxiety and not caused by any one thing that I can put a finger on. Any reason will do.

I'm finally throwing in the towel and admitting I have a real problem here that is not going to just go away by itself. Yesterday I spoke with a counselor on the phone for an hour. And I'm going to see my medical doctor tomorrow.

I'm concerned about medications, if I decide to go that route. One worry I have is that they'll prescribe a medication that could change my personality, or have bad side effects. I don't want to become dependent on a drug to function each day, and I don't want my creative energies sapped away. My thought is, I didn't need anything to get through some of the roughest parts of my life, so why should I need something now when I don't really have any major problems to worry about? But, I think it was this attitude that prevented me from looking for help in the first place.

Anyway, if anyone out there wants to talk about their experiences with anxiety, anxiety attacks or anxiety medications, I would really appreciate it--particularly if you've found something that helps. This isn't the kind of thing I would discuss with my poker buddies in person but I feel like I'm able to open up to the members of this board.

[not_nadine]

Yes. I used to. I would actually run out of a meeting. And so obvious, because I thought I could speak and it would build and build as it got closer to my turn. I would take off when I was next up. errr.

I did take some meds, helped just a tiny bit. I don't take anything any longer. I don't have it as bad - or maybe my situation is different. But it was terrible.

Wish you well.

[Lily Sawyer]

Okey dokey.

Frequent exercise, even 20 minutes of fast walking, will calm you down.
Breathing exercises will help, too.
If you want to avoid meds initially, get your butt into therapy and start talking. You might not know where to start, but *any* place is a good place to start. You will be surprised when you start peeling back the layers what's revealed. That's when you have a great opportunity to solve, accept, make peace, and move on.
If a physician deems you chemically lacking, then meds are needed. I wouldn't worry too much. Just remember that they're trial-and-error, because no two people react to the same med in the same way at the same dose. You can tinker with kind of medication and dose to find the proper "fit". Over time, as you work things out, I bet you get off the meds for good.

Finding a therapist is the tricky part. You have to feel comfortable with whomever you find, so if you don't, move on and try another. The whole point is to talk, and if you don't feel okay opening up, you'll never get to the bottom of your anxiety and learn coping mechanisms and how to most effectively deal with it.

You will be fine! Recognizing that you're fragile is a good thing. Taking action about it is indeed *very* brave.
We love you, Feefster. :love:

[Todash]

I have not, but my husband has, as have several of my friends. Medication helps. Also ... I'm going to PM you a link.

[king family fan]

Have had anxiety. Certainly no fun. I took meds for awhile. But I found a therpist that helped and haven't had anxiety attack in quite sometime. I wish you the best of luck. Different things work for different individuals.

[atomicinchworm]

I suffer from anxiety/depression pretty significantly. I haven't yet gone to a doctor because I haven't gotten in my insurance card.

I'm at the point where I am barely functional. I tried vitamin D3 supplementation, just to see if that would help in the interim. It hasn't, really.

I used to self medicate with alcohol (one or two fifths a week kind of thing). I don't do that anymore-actually that is not entirely true. If I've had a really crappy day I'll cave and get a six pack. Of course then it is a challenge for the next month to not keep getting six-packs or something stronger. My husband is the only reason I stopped drinking. He doesn't drink, so it is easier not to.

I can give you a relavent example to my broken thoughts processes: I haven't had a job since last May. We are fortunate that my husband makes enough to support us (for the most part). At first I sent out dozens of applications, and then I stopped, because the wedding, and then I kept it stopped because my mom and having to leave, and now I have no excuses, but I've only sent out a few feeble feelers. Why? Because I am so worried about what it will be like to be the new person who doesn't know that they are doing I can't bring myself to do it. I am so worried about f-ing up and putting myself in the exact same position I was in when I got fired that I can't quite bring myself to open up to those relationships.

I have no real marketable skills, and my last job I did for 4.5 years because it was easier to stay then start a new, even though I was miserable. I hate working retail; I suck at customer service and am not particularly good at relating with co-workers. I also have a really broken tendency to have absolutely no respect for bosses I feel are dumber than me...I can't even fake it. I have an Associate's degree, and a lot of knowledge about caring for fish and other animals. Not getting me super far. So I've been putting out a few applications here and there to jobs that sound like they don't totally blow. Unfortunately, I've also been crazy depressed for a couple of months, so just about everything sounds like it blows. Office jobs pay the best and have the most stability for the most part, but they sound terrible. I like working with animals, and I like doing some labor. Why don't I just get a job working with animals? Because a big issue at my last job was the fact that I have contact eczema and had to wear gloves. I don't want to start a new job with that hanging over my head. Gah, I'm just full of excuses, aren't I?

I was on one medication once for anxiety, and I stopped taking it when I was at the Art Institute. It will probably be unsurprising to hear that I proceeded to flunk out afterwards. When I get anxious, I get depressed, and then I get apathetic and then I get anxious about being apathetic and ad naseum. My husband is a doll, but I know it is really hard on him. :(

Sorry I turned this into the atomicinchworm show, but it does kind of feel better just to put it out there.

The biggest thing about anti-anxiety/ anti-depressants that I have found through research and through people I know, is have an open relationship with your doctor. Not ever med works for every person. Give it a couple of months and if you don't see an appreciable change or you feel weird or your sex drive is crappy, give your doctor a call and try another one. There are a ton of them out there. I know you are worried about changes in personality (I was worried about this too), but frankly, at this point, would a change be for the worse? You are still ultimately you, whether they make you a more aggressive you or a happier, more focused you, they aren't going to change your basic personality.

[Jojo87]

I don't know if I can call it anxiety. But sometimes if I get some big thing to take
care of in work that they left on my responsibility. I can get a sort of a panic attack and start to
wander around to think if I am able to take care of it. And just to sit down for a while take a deep breath and
think just think use to help in my case. But cause we talked about different things don't know if it has anything to
with the anxiety.

[blunthead]

Does anyone here suffer from anxiety (or at least anyone willing to talk about it?) I have been having a lot of anxiety for the past year and half, occasionally having attacks that leave me almost unable to function (I had a doozy last week where I pretty much had to flee the office). I've tried everything (meditation, exercise, deep breathing, etc.) and while it has sometimes helped me cope in the short term, the anxiety always comes back. What is frustrating is that it is generalized anxiety and not caused by any one thing that I can put a finger on. Any reason will do.

I'm finally throwing in the towel and admitting I have a real problem here that is not going to just go away by itself. Yesterday I spoke with a counselor on the phone for an hour. And I'm going to see my medical doctor tomorrow.

I'm concerned about medications, if I decide to go that route. One worry I have is that they'll prescribe a medication that could change my personality, or have bad side effects. I don't want to become dependent on a drug to function each day, and I don't want my creative energies sapped away. My thought is, I didn't need anything to get through some of the roughest parts of my life, so why should I need something now when I don't really have any major problems to worry about? But, I think it was this attitude that prevented me from looking for help in the first place.

Anyway, if anyone out there wants to talk about their experiences with anxiety, anxiety attacks or anxiety medications, I would really appreciate it--particularly if you've found something that helps. This isn't the kind of thing I would discuss with my poker buddies in person but I feel like I'm able to open up to the members of this board.I really appreciate this post and this thread, ff. Thanx. My experience with anxiety goes back to adolescence, the hypothesis being that puberty did a number on my brain chemistry, as I don't remember having emotional issues prior to puberty, not that knowing physiological causes, especially hypothetical ones, is necessarily helpful in understanding or resolving any disorder. I recently had a curious experience which caused me to realize that I apparently have a tendency toward anxiety and even anxiety attacks, an experience which caused me to remember experiences during my adolescence, the memories of which I may have suppressed. Since I wasn't used to an "attack" I didn't know what was happening, only felt a kind of creepy, fearful reminiscence which I later realized was a feeling from adolescence.

My recent experience was like yours in that I had to flee--an excellent way to word it.

Kudos to you, ff, for having a counselor, and for making plans to pursue treatment. I'm going to assume that counseling will be as helpful as any part of any course you take. As for medications, your doc should be able to ease your mind about them not being addicting, either psychologically or physiologically, though you may need to consider using them indefinitely. Hopefully the doc will let you know if any you start taking you must not stop taking all at once. Ask about side effects and google the med(s). You may find you have a temporary issue, and may during counseling come to understand any triggers or causative factors, if they exist. As for why is it happening now when everything is fine, I assume that since anxiety is fear, and since all humans have fear, that anxiety does not require a cause. It's already there, just in some people flares up, or something.

I wish there was more I could say or do to help but the subject is still a mystery to me, though I realized that both my parents were worrywarts. Maybe there's a genetic factor, maybe an environmental one, maybe both. Perhaps down through the years I've avoided dealing with answering the question for myself. Maybe I've been afraid to. Anxiety is about fear. Maybe some are subject more than most to the emotion of fear. The important question isn't why it is but what to do with it. Your attitude, ff, is positive and healthy, so I trust that you will make good progress.

Keep us posted.

[Charms7]

I had anxiety for many years. I did have a chemical imbalance at one point. I took Prozac for that. Therapy helped the most though. Lily Sawyer's post offers excellent advice. I too feared my personality to change for the worse, become one of those uppity know-it-alls, maybe all my old coping mechanisms might have to be forsaken, my relationships with friends and relatives might take a nosedive, or I might get dependent on some drug that I would eventually find myself not being able to live without. The reality is my life improved drastically and I find myself anticipating simple pleasures with great enthusiasm. I learned how to be happy again. Whatever does work for you, I hope you find it soon. Meanwhile please know I hold you in my thoughts and prayers, fushingfeef, and with lots of love.

[PatInTheHat]

Anxiety has been my constant, um, 'friend', for about as long as I can remember.
I say 'friend' only because it has, I believe, saved my life on a couple occasions (natural nervous Nelly's can tend to pay a little more attention and jump a wee tad bit faster, we can be like the four winds just blowin' is what I'm sayin':wink2:), but then it didn't just sneak up on me, its probably always been part of me since I popped out of the oven, it's part of my personal mental chemical makeup, I gather, rather than developed, and so I'm more likely to be in tune with living with it...can wear ya plumb out, can't it?
Now mind I ain't recommending it, well, not really:rolleyes:, but weed/pot/ganja/herb/grass/Mary J. Wanna, it generally works for me (I don't really do pills, never a fan, well that, and my insurance lapsed goin' on a quarter a century ago, so ya make do with what ya got), but it really depends on the strain...never no nasty side effects like anal leakage or liver failure though, some just set my anxious teeth on fire and makes a small order of a bucket of chicken, most however, thankfully, take away the edge and center my thinkin' to what's at hand, instead of developing a whirlwind of confusion of what to do next, of course making said anxiety attacking me, worse...though I can't recall ever having a "classic" anxiety induced panic attack, seen 'em, and um, WOW!
I do highly recommend Chamomile tea (no foolin' them Eyetalians got that stuff goin' on, make it a habit and you won't regret it, way tres' tasty too:smile2:) and breathing exercises, seriously, just breathin' can make a world of difference.
I can drop my blood pressure big time in just a couple of minutes, you know, well, or rather hopefully not, when I'm feelin', hmm, 'tight' sounds about right, just doin' my breathin' thing...first I tend to get a little lightheaded (some people say potato, some people say hyperventilate, whatevah), then it kinda feels like instantaneous sobering up:biggrin2:.
Know we're rootin & 'tootin' for ya fush, I'm sure this'll be nuttin butta a chicken wing in the road (there's a joke there I just know it), you'll see:love:

[Out of Order]

I can't really suggest much in the way of help fushingfeef, but I do wish you all the best in whichever course you decide to follow.

You certainly add a lot to this message board that much I will say!!

[Sundrop]

PM me, Bob....I have lots to say about anxiety and meds.
I suffered from anxiety/depression for years, have taken meds since 1998.....never had any "adverse side effects".....however, most of my problems were solved with my divorce. ♥

[fushingfeef]

I am truly bowled over by the kindness of you all! I really should have spoken up sooner, there is all this support right here under my nose this whole time! Seriously, to each one of you, thank you for caring, sharing your stories, and showing your concern. I can really feel the love coming from this board, once again. I shouldn't be surprised.

Atomic, this thread is for everyone, not just about me--I'm just the one who started the thread, that's all. Like you said, it does feel a bit better just to put it out there, doesn't it? Sounds like you could be seeking out help too (I won't say "should"...lord knows I waited long enough to help myself, and I have insurance so I had no excuse!)

I'm taking everything under advisement...something will end up working, at least I hope so.

[PatInTheHat]

something will end up working, at least I hope so.

:glare:
Whooops, there ya go again:wink2:.
Don't sweat it brother, really, and ya know somethin' else, you as a father, a good father (hey I can tell, I know things about peoples ya know:rolleyes:), a father of two beautiful, smart, and oh so talented daughters, I might be disappointed in ya if'n ya weren't:smile2:.

[TalkingHead88]

So many of us suffer from anxiety and depression, just remember in the end everything will be okay. The Law of Attraction might help as well. You know what is crazy? Specific regional areas give me anxiety. I was born and raised in the St. Louis area, which I have respect for in several aspects. However, I always viewed St. Louis as an R rated version of Everybody Loves Raymond. Let that simmer for a sec. Grocery stores in that area would jump start my anxiety quicker than anything. I have a habit of absorbing the environment around me and I felt some negative ions floating around, not to mention the sizable mental health facility that is prominent in that area.




Does anyone here suffer from anxiety (or at least anyone willing to talk about it?) I have been having a lot of anxiety for the past year and half, occasionally having attacks that leave me almost unable to function (I had a doozy last week where I pretty much had to flee the office). I've tried everything (meditation, exercise, deep breathing, etc.) and while it has sometimes helped me cope in the short term, the anxiety always comes back. What is frustrating is that it is generalized anxiety and not caused by any one thing that I can put a finger on. Any reason will do.

I'm finally throwing in the towel and admitting I have a real problem here that is not going to just go away by itself. Yesterday I spoke with a counselor on the phone for an hour. And I'm going to see my medical doctor tomorrow.

I'm concerned about medications, if I decide to go that route. One worry I have is that they'll prescribe a medication that could change my personality, or have bad side effects. I don't want to become dependent on a drug to function each day, and I don't want my creative energies sapped away. My thought is, I didn't need anything to get through some of the roughest parts of my life, so why should I need something now when I don't really have any major problems to worry about? But, I think it was this attitude that prevented me from looking for help in the first place.

Anyway, if anyone out there wants to talk about their experiences with anxiety, anxiety attacks or anxiety medications, I would really appreciate it--particularly if you've found something that helps. This isn't the kind of thing I would discuss with my poker buddies in person but I feel like I'm able to open up to the members of this board.

[Todash]

PM me, Bob....I have lots to say about anxiety and meds.
I suffered from anxiety/depression for years, have taken meds since 1998.....never had any "adverse side effects".....however, most of my problems were solved with my divorce. ♥

I laughed at this ... but I felt guilty for laughing.

[Neesy]

Yes I have had some experience of anxiety at times. Lorazepam or Ativan can help but is not really recommended long term (or perhaps another benzodiazapine) I probably spelled that last one wrong and being a medical transcriptionist I should have it memorized by now! The other suggestions already given are great. Best of luck with dealing with it. Better living chemically as they say... :cool2: I found that my anxiety actually lessened when given enough time alone to relax. Maybe spending some "me" time might help you with your problem (just a suggestion). Everybody's different (thank God for that!)

[GNTLGNT]

...all the best my old friend....Bob, I tip my bowler to you for acknowledging you have a need for help...I struggled to admit, and seek help for my depression-and man, what a relief when I did...so many here have great advice, and you KNOW we have your back...much love brother...

[Todash]

I've been thinking. Yesterday, I pm'd fushingfeef a link to a new blog a dear friend of mine just happens to be writing. This friend has been suffering from major depression and anxiety for years. Like many people who struggle with these issues, most of his friends and family had no idea. For a long time, he had no idea. My husband (who has ongoing issues himself) is reading a book that posits, and I believe it, that at any given time, one in five people is suffering from some form of depression. At any given time. That means that if you are sitting in a room of 100 people, 20 of them are experiencing some form of depression. Many of those people (and probably some who aren't depressed) also experience anxiety disorders; the two often go hand in hand.

Anxiety and depression--which is more accurately characterized as the lack of feeling, not necessarily feeling sad--are harmful in and of themselves, but what makes them worse is that they are difficult to recognize and name; that despite being more than twice as common as diabetes, they feel like a personal struggle no one else could understand; and that there is still--STILL--so much shame and stigma attached that many people don't seek help, even after they do understand something is wrong.

The point of all this is that although my friend Ron began his blog as a form of therapy for himself, reading about someone else's struggle to overcome a broken brain can be helpful for others as well, because it can help us put a name to something we hadn't been able to before, and (perhaps even more importantly) it lets us know that we really are not alone. I talked to him yesterday, and he was extremely pleased with the idea that his writing might be able to help someone else. With Ms. Mod's blessing, therefore, I am posting the link to his first post, where he talks about the new medications that are one of the tools he's using to overcome this, and the fears that go along with that (will they work? will they change who I am?). It's a chronological blog with flashbacks, so if you want to read it, and I can't recommend it highly enough, the best place to start is at the beginning: http://blackdogsun.com/three-blue-bottles-3/ (http://www.stephenking.com/forums/redirector.php?url=http%3A%2F%2Fblackdogsun.com%2F three-blue-bottles-3%2F). Warning: The blog starts gently but becomes brutally honest rather quickly. His experience has been, at times, extreme. But if you have struggled with depression, numbness, anxiety, self-medicating with alcohol, and/or thoughts of suicide--or if you know someone who has--parts of it will likely feel familiar, even if your own struggles have been less intense.

And if you don't think this applies to you, I would ask a question that has recently been posed to me, a question that, to my surprise and dismay, I was unable to satisfactorily answer: when is the last time you felt true joy?

[Sundrop]

I laughed at this ... but I felt guilty for laughing.

Don't feel guilty.....I'm glad ya got a laugh from it.

Heck, the day the judge signed the divorce, I ran up the street shouting "Free at last, free at last....." I felt it was appropriate :laugh:

[Todash]

So many of us suffer from anxiety and depression, just remember in the end everything will be okay. The Law of Attraction might help as well. You know what is crazy? Specific regional areas give me anxiety. I was born and raised in the St. Louis area, which I have respect for in several aspects. However, I always viewed St. Louis as an R rated version of Everybody Loves Raymond. Let that simmer for a sec. Grocery stores in that area would jump start my anxiety quicker than anything. I have a habit of absorbing the environment around me and I felt some negative ions floating around, not to mention the sizable mental health facility that is prominent in that area.I HATE St. Louis. I'm not sure why, but that city just has a nasty vibe to me. It's weird because I haven't spent much time there, but I really just get the creepy crawlies from it.

[cat in a bag]

Everyone has had really great advice!

I don't really have anything wise to add, just wanted to pass along my love and best wishes as you go about getting help for the anxiety, Bob.

[Neesy]

I laughed at this ... but I felt guilty for laughing.

I kinda smiled at the last 10 words of Sundrop's post, too! Thanks for having the guts to mention it (I was too wimpy to post at first) :cool:

[atomicinchworm]

I can second that Ron's blog is amazing and absolutely worth the read.

[fushingfeef]

I'm waiting for a quiet moment when I can read through that blog.
Today's doctor appointment went well, they did do a blood test so they can see if there's a thyroid disorder. If not, I may go the medical route, at least try it.

[hipmamajen]

Hey feef! (And everyone else!)

I have anxiety issues in very specific situations, and my doc prescribes Buspar. I take it just when I'm going to be in these situations, and it works like a charm! I call it my "I'm not in charge" pill, and I take it when I have to take a plane trip, or give testimony in court, or (you'd think this would be easy to avoid, but I run a homeschool group) when I have to go in a mineshaft. <Shudder, that's where I had my actual panic attack, Oh Lordy.>

If you don't have general anxiety, it may be worth it just to have something you take when you know you're likely to have a problem. The Buspar doesn't make me feel loopy or anything, I just feel calm when I wouldn't otherwise.

But, if you don't know when it might come up, or it's pretty often, there are meds that are more appropriate. I know a lot of folks on these and they aren't zombied out or anything. In fact, I wouldn't know they were on them if they didn't share the information.

I hope you find something that works. Until I had a panic attack, I didn't have any understanding how bad they were. I mean, people describe them and you get a sense of what they must be like, but I honestly wasn't sure I was going to live. (((((feef)))))

[fushingfeef]

Thanks, Jen. Got the test results and it's not a thyroid disorder, so they're going to try medication (they've prescribed Celexa) and continued counseling sessions and see where that takes me, I'm going back to the doctor in March so we can reassess the effectiveness of these methods. It is general anxiety so I'm not sure the Buspar would help. Most of Saturday I was miserably anxious even though I was not in any stressful situations--just puttering around the house.

[GNTLGNT]

Thanks, Jen. Got the test results and it's not a thyroid disorder, so they're going to try medication (they've prescribed Celexa) and continued counseling sessions and see where that takes me, I'm going back to the doctor in March so we can reassess the effectiveness of these methods. It is general anxiety so I'm not sure the Buspar would help. Most of Saturday I was miserably anxious even though I was not in any stressful situations--just puttering around the house.

...Lexapro is now available in a generic and it's what I'm taking...from the same family as Celexa, might be an alternative if the Celexa doesn't pan out...

[Autumn Gust]

...Lexapro is now available in a generic and it's what I'm taking...from the same family as Celexa, might be an alternative if the Celexa doesn't pan out...

I have a son with Asperger's Syndrome and he takes the genenric Lexapro. It's called "Escitalopram" and it's been very helpful.

[not_nadine]

I took Coloxpen for awhile there.

[gniknehpets]

I was about to post about the possibility of thyroid disease when I see they did tests for it. I've had issues with my thyroid for years and panic attacks was one of the things that happened to me when it was off. Sooo. I would only repeat what everyone else has said. So much good advice here and as you can see, we're all with you in hoping you find what helps for you. Hang in there FF. :love:

[smooth operator]

I was diagnosed in the 80's as bipolar, but I am not taking medication or going to therapy. Instead I suffered horribly through the 80's and had 2 children in the 90's. The children literally saved my life. They gave me a reason to live until I finally really wanted to live for myself. Now, when I am depressed, I work it out somehow. Or maybe I just hit it in the head with a shovel and bury it. I also suffer from anxiety. Mostly about something bad happening to my loved ones. I am also afraid that "something" (a crime or an accident) will happen to my family. The anxiety is not severe, but I could certainly live without it. I also have a little OCD, but I feel that it is not bad in small doses - it makes me a better employee. I am not interested in being medicated by a doctor for the rest of my life. I prefer to deal with it on my own. But I do not advise anyone else to take the same path. It is a bumpy one.

[Patricia A]

You are a powerful being feef. Look at the powerful negative feelings that come to you because you allow them space in your head, look at how by giving those emotions the power to dominate your thoughts you give them permission to eat your lunch.

Imagine spending that time defying fear, giving it a kiss and saying "I win, I am alive and have a lot of great stuff and by God more great stuff is coming!" I have to do that every day... well not to to you. I have to say that to myself every day to keep the fear away. It feels stupid at first, but in the end being more aware of what we have, than what we don't is a huge mood elevator.

I'm not just blowing wind out of my hiney, as I have been know to do, I'm serious. Anxiety, fear and loathing, yeah, been there.

So what if you are good enough and people like you? :y:
Sorry if this sounds cliché. Clichés happen with home truth.

P.M me if you want to talk about meds and or talk therapy. They can work, but it's up to you to make it work, you are a powerful being and you can do this.

[jussupoff]

Don't feel guilty.....I'm glad ya got a laugh from it.

Heck, the day the judge signed the divorce, I ran up the street shouting "Free at last, free at last....." I felt it was appropriate :laugh:

This thread is really great, when I read all the posts, I feel so happy to have found this place, so many kind and caring people here.

I also suffered, and like Sundrop, my suffering pretty much ended with my divorce.

I think that we need to feel free to be ourselves in our lives, and to know that we are "good enough". It is a clichee, but it is very true. In my case, the depressions and anxiety was brought on by constantly feeling inferior and strange. I also got physical symptoms, and after 15 years I somehow found the strenght to get out of the marriage.
After just 2 weeks, my most severe physical symptoms were almost gone (Hortons headaches, muscle pains), and since then things have improved so much (5 years ago now).
For me the meds didn't work, because the problems were actually caused by my "lifestyle", but I know many people who have had a lot of help from meds.
I think that the advice about therapy are really great, because therapy helps you get to the bottom of what is causing the problems.

A very wise doc said to me once, that even if my problems are gone, my brain doesn't always know that, sometimes the brain will remember even if I forget...
So - it takes time, but it does get better!!!

[fushingfeef]

I had such a good day yesterday, from an emotional standpoint, I was thinking "Wow, this medicine really works" even though they said the full effect would take 4-6 weeks. Yesterday afternoon I felt like Gene Kelly in "Singin' In The Rain", I hadn't felt so good in a long time.

Then I woke up at 3:45 AM feeling panicky, and didn't fall back asleep. By 7:00 I was in total panic attack mode, my poor wife didn't know what to do for me. I almost didn't come in to work today but forced myself anyhow. I opened a few emails and felt everything spinning out of control, each email I opened seemed to drive up my anxiety another notch.

I went into an empty office and breathed deeply, holding an orange under my nose. I didn't come out for almost a half hour. But when I finally did, I felt a lot better. I was able to write up a procedure for a software install and am starting to feel in control again. I just hope I'm not worn out before the day is over from this roller-coaster ride.

[Moderator]

(((Bob))) Hope the rest of your day goes better but it sounds like you're already finding some coping skills to deal with the anxiety. :y::y:

[Todash]

I had such a good day yesterday, from an emotional standpoint, I was thinking "Wow, this medicine really works" even though they said the full effect would take 4-6 weeks. Yesterday afternoon I felt like Gene Kelly in "Singin' In The Rain", I hadn't felt so good in a long time.

Then I woke up at 3:45 AM feeling panicky, and didn't fall back asleep. By 7:00 I was in total panic attack mode, my poor wife didn't know what to do for me. I almost didn't come in to work today but forced myself anyhow. I opened a few emails and felt everything spinning out of control, each email I opened seemed to drive up my anxiety another notch.

I went into an empty office and breathed deeply, holding an orange under my nose. I didn't come out for almost a half hour. But when I finally did, I felt a lot better. I was able to write up a procedure for a software install and am starting to feel in control again. I just hope I'm not worn out before the day is over from this roller-coaster ride.

You probably got some immediate emotional relief from just knowing you had addressed the issue, but yeah, some medicines have to build up a--dang it, I can't remember what it's called; one of you nurses help me out--basically a certain level in your blood before you get the full therapeutic effect. It has to do with how it's metabolized. (My husband has explained this to me before, but I just remember something to the effect of "blah blah liver blah blah kidneys blah blah metabolize blah.") BUT. Sounds like you did pretty great on your own! You are going to have up days and down days, but overall it will get easier. :smile2:

Citrus is my happy place too.

[mjs9153]

Hope you feel better Bob..I saw somewhere the quote "To remain calm,one must take on the appearance of being calm" and I have used that before in stressful situations,to take a deep breath,repeat the quote mentally and concentrate on that..and it seems to help me..hang in there..:smile2:

[Patricia A]

(((((BOB)))) I know first hand what you are going through and I promise you that it will pass. Keep on clinging to what makes you happy with all of your might until it does. I haven't had a panic attack in a few years but I will never forget how they feel. They are like having a nightmare while you are awake and they make you feel helpless and hopeless, but they are BIG FAT LIARS. There is always help, and always, always, always and forever hope.

[Spideyman]

(((Bob))) hang in there. Sending inner calming vibes. Don't be afraid to step aside to a quiet place and relax for awhile. You are doing OK!

[Todash]

(((((BOB)))) I know first hand what you are going through and I promise you that it will pass. Keep on clinging to what makes you happy with all of your might until it does. I haven't had a panic attack in a few years but I will never forget how they feel. They are like having a nightmare while you are awake and they make you feel helpless and hopeless, but they are BIG FAT LIARS. There is always help, and always, always, always and forever hope.
This is SO true. When our brains are messed up, one of the things they do is try to convince us it will always be this way. At least, the lizard brain part of the mind does. But all that part of you understands is the moment; it has no concept of tomorrow or yesterday. I think of it like a trapped animal, thrashing around because it's in an unfamiliar or frightening situation. I think that's why sensory input, like breathing exercises and relaxing smells and such, can help, because they touch that part of the mind that logic has trouble reaching. Smelling the orange was a lot like using your most soothing tone of voice to calm a frightened animal.

You can do it, Bob. You can become ... The Lizard Whisperer. :biggrin2:

[Lily Sawyer]

Signor Roberto, you are already ahead of the curve if you knew to take the orange with you into your office and shut the door.
Aromatherapy seems really wussywimpytreehuggeroutthere, but it works.
And orange, neroli, and mandarin are all mood elevators.
Lavender will calm you down.

Vanilla Greek yogurt with honey on top is pretty bitchin' awesome, too. I'm just sayin'.

[kingricefan]

Hang in there, Bob!! Things will, as others have stated, get better for you. This period of time is like stepping out onto the frozen ice of a pond in skates for the first time in your life- you might fall down once or twice, but you WILL be able to skate soon, forwards and backwards, and even do some of those pretty twirls! You're going to look back on this period soon and laugh!! You've already made progress, so things ARE getting better!!

[kylallie]

I know how you feel Fushingfeef and everyone else, :down: I'm in my (late:oh:) twenties and have been suffering from anxiety/panic attacks since I was about 5 or 6. So does my fiance. Even ended up in hospital with one, which is not a fun experience :oops:.
However, my doctor actually told me anxiety attacks are generally genetic. I asked around, and a few of my family members do suffer from them.... just doesn't seem to be something people mention!
I can't suggest much on medication, I never used the medication route, I have nothing against it at all, it can do wonders for people if they find the right one to suit them, it just wasn't my ideal solution for myself.
I have learned to recognise them coming on..... it starts off feeling like something is very very wrong, for no reason at all, and I can now counteract them with small acts, like doing something that I enjoy, reading or watching a comedy. For some reason it seems to slow down the attack. But for a long time I couldn't, and they just became full blown attacks - and there's nothing quite like a panic attack is there!
But.... as everyone has said on here, everyone is different, and I wish you the best of luck! It will be a hard road, but once you find out what works for you, you'll be away laughing!:biggrin2:

[fushingfeef]

Arrgh, another setback day today. I had trouble with early awakening (kept waking up 3 hours early) so the doctor recommended I move my dose to morning instead of night. It worked for the sleep but then I had another bad panic attack this morning, I went to our on-site wellness center and I went home for the day after that. I talked with my boss before I left and it turns out he had taken anti anxiety medication a few years ago and said he had the same reactions to it in the first week! So I have a sympathetic ear at work now.

I called my doctor when I got home and they are going to try switching me over to Lexipro and are also going to prescribe a limited amount of Xanax for these one-off attacks until the Lexipro kicks in.

I just wanted to check in briefly today, it's kinda hard for me to even type this so I'm headed back to my couch and blanket. Trying to keep a sense of humor about it though...thanks for listening. :love:

[Moderator]

(((Bob))) Very glad to hear your boss is understanding so you won't have that to add to your anxiety. Hope you'll be able to get that combination that works for you very soon.

[Spideyman]

Bob, holding you to calmer days to come. It often takes awhile to tweak the dosage and get it to a proper level within your system. Thankful the boss understands. Please have a good weekend.

[Lily Sawyer]

Arrgh, another setback day today. I had trouble with early awakening (kept waking up 3 hours early) so the doctor recommended I move my dose to morning instead of night. It worked for the sleep but then I had another bad panic attack this morning, I went to our on-site wellness center and I went home for the day after that. I talked with my boss before I left and it turns out he had taken anti anxiety medication a few years ago and said he had the same reactions to it in the first week! So I have a sympathetic ear at work now.

I called my doctor when I got home and they are going to try switching me over to Lexipro and are also going to prescribe a limited amount of Xanax for these one-off attacks until the Lexipro kicks in.

I just wanted to check in briefly today, it's kinda hard for me to even type this so I'm headed back to my couch and blanket. Trying to keep a sense of humor about it though...thanks for listening. :love:

Hey Feefster....
There's no law that says you must check in here to update us, especially if it's hard for you to type things out. We know this is tough for you and we're all pulling for you. Good call on the meds change, even though it sucks to have to do things by trial-and-error. Eventually you'll get both the kind and dose right.
Hey, it's Friday! And that means Kid Karaoke night! Get the girls to sing for you. :-)
We love you! :love:

[GNTLGNT]

(((Bob)))
...it will be well, and all manner of things will be well.....

[Draga]

I suffer from severe social anxiety, panic attacks, ASPD (under control "thanks" to my neuroticism) and in the past I have been a hikikomori during some years (in the present I help people with this social problem via internet), believe it or not, I overcame it, the only traces of those problems is that in the present I'm unable to speak in public. My own solution was starting a road of instrospection and to determine which was the factor that induced me that constant fear. Once you determine it or if you even discover that there's an underlying psychological trauma it's much more easier to find solutions. If you think it is quite severe for you try to get the help of a professional. Now I'll tell you what has worked for me:

1. Find the root of the problem and UNDERSTAND that it has nothing to do with your current learned behavior.
2. You need to attack panick and procrastination by changing your priorities in daily life, there are certain useless things that just add stress to our lives.
3. Get angry and explode, ¡show it! Anger is the great enemy of fear.
4. Balance your diet, eat things like kefir (probiotic) and other natural products to keep your internal body in harmony.
5. Visit your doctor, now I can even give speeches if I prepare them and take my medication (betablockers). Benzodiazepines help to relax, but betablockers inhibe anxiety physical reactions. (Find a good doctor and be sincere, in my way to recover I was even misdiagnosed as schizoid, so be careful)
6. Tell me how it went, I'm sure this will help you as it helped me. :wink2:

[fushingfeef]

I think the Lexapro is starting to work a little. I was very anxious all day Sunday so I naturally assumed today would be even worse since I'd be returning to work. However, I woke up feeling most of the edge gone from my anxiety. It was like part of my brain was "trying" to worry but it kept bumping into a wall that was stopping it. Very strange feeling! I also had a few normal work stress situations come up this morning, but my stress levels hit a very low ceiling and then I returned to normal state. So instead of a "spike" or a downward panic spiral, I just had these little road bumps that came and went away just as quickly. My heart rate stayed normal and I didn't get the cold sweats or the chest pains.

I still have some muscle tension so I'm continuing to do the deep breathing and progressive muscle flex/relax exercises my counselor recommended, and that's really helping. During my lunch break I actually had myself relaxed to the point of drowsiness! So, it has been a very good day. From a work productivity standpoint I am feeling like superman--I knocked off several days worth of work chores that would have stymied me last week.

I know they won't all be good days but it is encouraging to know they won't all be bad days either!

By the way, CNN had a timely piece today on a man who suffered from painful anxiety attacks:
http://www.cnn.com/2013/02/11/health/anxiety-first-person-irpt/index.html?hpt=hp_bn1

[Todash]

I talked with my boss before I left and it turns out he had taken anti anxiety medication a few years ago and said he had the same reactions to it in the first week! So I have a sympathetic ear at work now.

Huh. Imagine that. :wink2:


I know they won't all be good days but it is encouraging to know they won't all be bad days either!
I expect the overall trend of daily averages will be moving in the right direction. :smile2:

[not_nadine]

Good for you. The thing is with the meds, it is so frustrating that the one thing you need takes two weeks to kick in.. Every other pill it seems it's like fine take one, works

Keep on, Bob. :smile2:

[Patricia A]

I was going to post this in the theme song thread, but I decided to post it here instead.


http://youtu.be/Z0iw89L6aFo

[blunthead]

I think the Lexapro is starting to work a little. I was very anxious all day Sunday so I naturally assumed today would be even worse since I'd be returning to work. However, I woke up feeling most of the edge gone from my anxiety. It was like part of my brain was "trying" to worry but it kept bumping into a wall that was stopping it. Very strange feeling! I also had a few normal work stress situations come up this morning, but my stress levels hit a very low ceiling and then I returned to normal state. So instead of a "spike" or a downward panic spiral, I just had these little road bumps that came and went away just as quickly. My heart rate stayed normal and I didn't get the cold sweats or the chest pains.

I still have some muscle tension so I'm continuing to do the deep breathing and progressive muscle flex/relax exercises my counselor recommended, and that's really helping. During my lunch break I actually had myself relaxed to the point of drowsiness! So, it has been a very good day. From a work productivity standpoint I am feeling like superman--I knocked off several days worth of work chores that would have stymied me last week.

I know they won't all be good days but it is encouraging to know they won't all be bad days either!

By the way, CNN had a timely piece today on a man who suffered from painful anxiety attacks:
http://www.cnn.com/2013/02/11/health/anxiety-first-person-irpt/index.html?hpt=hp_bn1I'm happy that yer feeling better, ff, and proud of you for sincerely pursuing yer improved health as evidenced by the relaxation exercises. You know a person means to get better when they do exercises. Interesting how physical exercise is apparently crucial.

[Spideyman]

Keep us the good work, Fush. Prayers continue.

[kingricefan]

Hang in there, ff! I think it's fantastic that your boss is being so understanding and hopefully supportive too! That's one less thing to worry about, right?

[EAST COASTER]

About 18 years ago when I was living in London I was under a lot of stress due to a relationship breakdown and one day at work I had an anxiety attack and actually forgot how to drive my bus. I had to pull in to the roadside and sit for a few minutes until I had calmed down. It was a scary feeling at the time and ever since I find that if I am under any stress I tend to get anxiety attacks. I too am mistrustful of medication and when I need to I try to find someone to talk to instead. Whatever you do don't try to shrug it off, get a little help and you will feel better. Even having someone take your anxiety seriously helps.

[fushingfeef]

Just an update, I had a very bad panic attack yesterday morning, and after talking to my boss (and doctor, and counselor) we agreed I should stay home for a little while. I'm taking a short vacation for the remainder of the week, and we have Monday off as a holiday, so I plan to return next Tuesday. For now I'm just trying to do little things at home at my own pace and trying not to get overwhelmed by anything. I want to strike a balance between getting some rest and relaxation but not being too idle--that can be bad too.

Had a creepy moment this morning when I was convinced my father (deceased) was in the bedroom staring down at me as I slept and making this weird gargling sound in his throat. Eventually I realized I was having some sort of night terror or dream and he went away. I have heard some people say that SSRI's can lead to weird or vivid dreams so it all makes sense now. But it wasn't much fun at the time.

Anyway my goal is to ride things out and try to return to some normalcy so I can be ready to return to work next week. I might not be on the board much these days but I wanted to check in and wish everyone a happy Valentine's day!

[CCAL]

you are such a strong person FF. I do admire your determination to overcome this. best of luck!

[Lily Sawyer]

Just an update, I had a very bad panic attack yesterday morning, and after talking to my boss (and doctor, and counselor) we agreed I should stay home for a little while. I'm taking a short vacation for the remainder of the week, and we have Monday off as a holiday, so I plan to return next Tuesday. For now I'm just trying to do little things at home at my own pace and trying not to get overwhelmed by anything. I want to strike a balance between getting some rest and relaxation but not being too idle--that can be bad too.

Had a creepy moment this morning when I was convinced my father (deceased) was in the bedroom staring down at me as I slept and making this weird gargling sound in his throat. Eventually I realized I was having some sort of night terror or dream and he went away. I have heard some people say that SSRI's can lead to weird or vivid dreams so it all makes sense now. But it wasn't much fun at the time.

Anyway my goal is to ride things out and try to return to some normalcy so I can be ready to return to work next week. I might not be on the board much these days but I wanted to check in and wish everyone a happy Valentine's day!

Consider your hand held by many. ♥

[Spideyman]

You know how strong this Ka-tet is, Fush. We are here pulling for you with positive vibes, prayers and holding hands. Don't forget the hugs too. ((((((FF)))))

[Todash]

Just an update, I had a very bad panic attack yesterday morning, and after talking to my boss (and doctor, and counselor) we agreed I should stay home for a little while. I'm taking a short vacation for the remainder of the week, and we have Monday off as a holiday, so I plan to return next Tuesday. For now I'm just trying to do little things at home at my own pace and trying not to get overwhelmed by anything. I want to strike a balance between getting some rest and relaxation but not being too idle--that can be bad too.

Had a creepy moment this morning when I was convinced my father (deceased) was in the bedroom staring down at me as I slept and making this weird gargling sound in his throat. Eventually I realized I was having some sort of night terror or dream and he went away. I have heard some people say that SSRI's can lead to weird or vivid dreams so it all makes sense now. But it wasn't much fun at the time.

Anyway my goal is to ride things out and try to return to some normalcy so I can be ready to return to work next week. I might not be on the board much these days but I wanted to check in and wish everyone a happy Valentine's day!
That may have just been a dream, but if it continues to happen (where you feel awake, see things especially looking down at you, can't move, etc.), it could be sleep paralysis. It's not harmful, but it can be frightening. I'm just mentioning it because it's less scary if you know what it is. (I've never had it but it runs in my husband's family, so I know quite a bit about it.)

I'm really glad you're taking positive steps to deal with this! We are behind you all the way.

[fushingfeef]

My attempt to return to work failed. I made it through the first day back pretty well and felt very functional by the afternoon. However, yesterday I had to lock myself in an office almost as soon as I arrived--I was having another panic attack, and even the Xanax wasn't helping, I just felt a sleepier kind of panic and I really just couldn't function. I called my doctor and called my human resources department and talked for a while, and my company is letting me take short-term disability until either the meds start working or I get better. I'm eligible for up to 26 weeks at full pay but I'm hoping it won't be longer than 3 or 4 weeks at most. I'm also going to maybe start looking for a cognitive behavioral therapist during this time, as soon as I feel up to it. There really seems to be a connection between mornings, work and anxiety for me so if I can break that negative association I can beat this thing.

I'm not looking for sympathy or anything here, I already know I have the love and support of you all, I just wanted to give you an update!

[Spideyman]

Thank you for the update, FF. Was worried not seeing you here. You know we are all here for you 100%. Take the time you need. Do what you feel is best for you. It is great you have an understanding boss/company. Thankful. Keep us posted when you feel like it. I send love and green lights!!

[Moderator]

I'm very glad you work for a company that is being supportive of you while you figure this out and hope you'll find the right combination of therapies that will get you to the other side. (((Bob))))

[Out of Order]

Thanks for the update, FF. I'm pulling for you and I hope things get better very soon for you.

Remember that spring is right around the corner too!!

[cat in a bag]

((((Bob)))) I really think that it is great how you are taking this by the horns. You're not trying to force anything, you are listening to your body. How great that you have the support of your workplace, that is how it should be. You WILL get there! Just takes a little time. We're all here for you!!

[blunthead]

...I'm also going to maybe start looking for a cognitive behavioral therapist during this time, as soon as I feel up to it. There really seems to be a connection between mornings, work and anxiety for me so if I can break that negative association I can beat this thing.

I'm not looking for sympathy or anything here, I already know I have the love and support of you all, I just wanted to give you an update!I don't think anyone here would dream that you're looking for sympathy or doing anything but being the honest person you are, needing healthy support from friends. So please continue to keep us posted. I think it safe to say you should look forward to the cognitive therapy being very helpful, too.

[mjs9153]

Hang in there..Remember,"hope is a good thing..maybe the best thing.." :smile2:

[tenngolfer]

FF, I really do not have any unreasonable levels of anxiety, but I will share some thoughts in hopes you may find one or two things that help.

First thought comes from over a couple of decades ago when I was a Pre-med college student (before switching to bio-medical engineering). I had a physiology professor suggest we learn about vitamins and minerals on our own, because we would not acquire that in med school. I remember wanting to test some of the stuff I read, and one summer taking classes, started taking zinc, B complex and C vitamins to see if I would have any less test anxiety. After a couple of weeks, it made me TOO relaxed, I did not want to study for the test, and discontinued testing. I pulled up a couple of links that may, or may not be helpful (similar to some of the others' suggestions) for vitamins.

http://www.buzzle.com/articles/vitamins-for-anxiety.html

http://drlwilson.com/Articles/ANXIETY.HTM

Also, having had others work for me over the years that had this issue, I usually tried to make sure the person was situated as best possible to be productive without having to under go routines of high stress events that may trigger an attack; and assign high stress events to others who love it, because they love to fight fires. Hopefully your boss is thinking along those lines. A lot of employee job success is how the employeer sets up the job conditions for success. Good bosses think about the environments, tools, tasks, and processes to achieve successful results without over burdening the human in the equation.

As has been pointed out, what anyone fears, plays a large part of how anyone (with or without anxiety) live their lives. You might try reading a book or two like The Science Of Fear, or looking up youtube on John Stossell investigations where he talks about public fear. Most things people fear, are stastically very rare to ever occur, and we waste energy on fearing them.

Also you may want to do a personality profile on yourself. You can do these on line for $50 to $120, one service has both DISC and Myers Briggs tests. I have used these folks before for testing : http://www.thediscpersonalitytest.com/ . Workplaces that do use them, use them to help everyone understand we may all hear the same sentence someone is saying but have a lot different reactions to the same information. An example: Someone that works for me now, has anxiety attacks, occasionally leaves meetings when he feels attacked or frustrated, although the rest of us heard an "informational sentence", he heard an attack or unreasonable deadline. He has a high C component in his DISC profile, which translates as he is very conscientous of his work, a hard worker, feels he "HAS TO" "check off lists", and does not like to be questioned about anything that may even hint of a performance issue, because he is giving a strong effort (regardless of results). Using the test results and study hints for working with him, I can try to address his fears or phobias, and still work with him for best results.


I don't know if any if this helps, but FYI. Hope you find what you need.

[tenngolfer]

I forgot something very important, pray and keep praying. Secondly, we are all inadvertendly "programmed" to respond to the world in ways that we did not necessarily intend to let happen. Take time to purposefully reprogram yourself (easier said then done). Helpful books come in the form of positive thinking information. Two books I covered recently on similar subject, The Power Of Habit (more scientific), and the Wishes Fullfilled (psychological and spiritual; reprogramming, similar to the Law Of Attraction).

[tenngolfer]

Just to make it easier to review, Wishes Fulfilled: http://youtu.be/xdD_V3n0-FM (http://youtu.be/xdD_V3n0-FM)

The Power Of Habit:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4H0fTwtPLfo

[fushingfeef]

Just wanted to give an update on my situation:

My short-term disability is preliminarily approved through the end of this week. I am seeing my doctor on Friday morning and at that point she will determine whether I'm fit to return to work on Monday, or if I need an extension. Friday will be 5 weeks since I started the Lexapro, so it might be jumping the gun a bit because Lexapro can take 6 full weeks to start working. Last week I felt great and ready to return, but this week has been somewhat of a setback and I definitely didn't feel ready yet. For one, I was sick over the weekend, and my body may have not been absorbing my medication properly for a 48 hour period. Consequently (at least that's my uneducated guess) I was very anxious yesterday, felt like a weight was on my chest all day, and couldn't stomach the thought of returning to work next week. This morning some anxiety was there but a little less, and as of right now I am starting to feel almost good again.

One thing that didn't help yesterday was I had a conversation with my sister who had been on Paxil a couple years ago and had a bad experience with it. So now she is against all medication-related solutions for anxiety. She was saying how horrible it was to go off the medication and how it drives you crazy and all these horror stories, knowing full well I am on an SSRI and trying to help myself after 2 years of not going the medical route. Finally I told her that she just needed to stop talking about it--she was making me feel much worse. She is a sweetheart and I know she means well but she sometimes just doesn't think about what she's saying and how it can affect other people. So, I felt extra anxious all afternoon yesterday.

Today I'm feeling a bit more empowered and have done something that may seem very silly and minor to you, but it made me feel good to do something constructive and physical. I completely cleaned out our laundry room, cleaned out our deep freezer and defrosted it (it was thick with ice) and I am going to restock it this afternoon! Keep in mind that for the past few weeks I have mostly slept, posted here, read books and watched movies and TV. So the fact that I was able to start and follow through on a project like this is really big for me and makes me feel optimistic that I'm headed in the right direction! Silly, I know, but one small step towards recovery!

[Moderator]

Every journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. :love2: Here's hoping that path continues smoothly and whatever bumps you encounter will be small ones that you easily get past.

[Spideyman]

Small steps, all going forward and the journey becomes complete. That is fantastic about cleaning out the laundry room and the deep freezer. Just take it slow, listen to your own inner self and body signals. Much love and only green lights!!

[blunthead]

Just wanted to give an update on my situation...Friday will be 5 weeks since I started the Lexapro, so it might be jumping the gun a bit because Lexapro can take 6 full weeks to start working. Last week I felt great and ready to return, but this week has been somewhat of a setback and I definitely didn't feel ready yet. For one, I was sick over the weekend, and my body may have not been absorbing my medication properly for a 48 hour period...This morning some anxiety was there but a little less, and as of right now I am starting to feel almost good again.

One thing that didn't help yesterday was I had a conversation with my sister who had been on Paxil a couple years ago and had a bad experience with it. So now she is against all medication-related solutions for anxiety. She was saying how horrible it was to go off the medication and how it drives you crazy and all these horror stories, knowing full well I am on an SSRI and trying to help myself after 2 years of not going the medical route. Finally I told her that she just needed to stop talking about it--she was making me feel much worse. She is a sweetheart and I know she means well but she sometimes just doesn't think about what she's saying and how it can affect other people. So, I felt extra anxious all afternoon yesterday.

Today I'm feeling a bit more empowered and have done something that may seem very silly and minor to you, but it made me feel good to do something constructive and physical...the fact that I was able to start and follow through on a project like this is really big for me and makes me feel optimistic that I'm headed in the right direction! Silly, I know, but one small step towards recovery!Hi, ff. First, thanx for the update. I read good news in it. You were feeling at least a little better before you got sick (there's a lot of that going around), and I think you're correct about absorption of the med being adversely effected when your body's defense mechanisms are detoured by illness. Two steps forward one step back is the progress in this game.

Second, never listen to family unless they are saying loving, gracious, angelically-worded things to you. Family members are the world's worse advice givers. What choice did you have but to cut off your lovely sister's well-meaning but ill-placed remarks? You did good. You gotta take care of you. Tell yer doc about yer sister. Doc's guaranteed to agree with me about that.

Third, yer correct about the cleanup project being an entirely different behavior from what there had been, one impossible to even try to do not to mention want to if you weren't feeling better.

I say look forward to yer appt with doc on Friday, allow yer health needs to be job one and try not to fret about job two, yer employer. This is serious stuff. A good result cannot be rushed. Now I'm preaching to the choir, though, aren't I?

Keep up the good work, ff, which includes keeping us posted.

[gniknehpets]

Good for you FF! Every little step moves you forward. Some days are big step days, some are small step days and sometimes we just have a backwards step day. But they are all important days. Embrace each one for what it is. :love2:

[Hayla Lathan]

I do suffer from anxiety, although mine is linked to PTSD after the death of my two year old son. However, I do greatly sympathize with you and would be happy to talk about it with you!

[blunthead]

I do suffer from anxiety, although mine is linked to PTSD after the death of my two year old son. However, I do greatly sympathize with you and would be happy to talk about it with you!(((((Hayla)))))

[fushingfeef]

I wanted to give an update on my recovery. I am back at work again, yay! I started last Thursday and everything has gone really well. Many of my worries in the last week I was off were about my return to work, but all those worries just dissolved away as soon as I got back in the saddle. There have also been some positive restructurings here during my absence that will give me a fresh beginning, so I don't feel like I have to "catch up" to where I left off. Everyone at my workplace has been incredibly supportive and I don't feel like I'm alone in all this.

Medicinally, what finally worked for me is a combination of Effexor (Venlafaxine) and Buspirone. I have had no side effects and no fatigue, and don't have any "spaced out" feelings. In addition to the medicine I am getting regular daily exercise and meditation. I have also changed the way I work--I am not trying to be superman any more, I am trying to focus on one thing at a time rather than making everything an urgent priority. There may be days where I'm not posting as much as usual on this board, I am trying to stay focused and not spread myself too thin.

On top of this, I have decided it is best for me to not hide my condition and to be open and honest about it. Part of the problem I was having before I sought help was an unwillingness to want to appear weak or somehow defective. But trying to put on a brave face just ended up making things worse for me, it felt like I was living a double life. I'm trying to allow myself to feel emotions more openly and be honest with myself instead of just soldiering on in misery. There are going to be good days and bad days but I'm feeling much more enabled to take whatever comes.

Thanks again to everyone who listened, made suggestions, or was just there for me. You guys are the greatest!

[FlakeNoir]

(((Fush))) this is wonderful! :love: I'm very pleased for you... :smile:

[Spideyman]

So happy to hear this new update, Fush. You know the meaning of "love and green lights" and that's my continued wish for you.

[Out of Order]

Glad to hear it!!!!!!!

:y::y:

[cat in a bag]

Good for you! Continued well wishes from me!

[mjs9153]

You da Man Feef!! http://ts3.mm.bing.net/th?id=H.4514990886684286&pid=15.1

[Moderator]

I was thinking about you yesterday and wondering how you were doing--so glad to get your update and to hear things are going so well. Sounds like (looking at it from this side of the fence), having this happen was one of those silver linings in disguise as you're now living a more healthy lifestyle. :love2: