downer's syndrome

[Dave Sartin]

I'm 20 years old, currently unemployed and i suffer from severe depression. I dont mean to be sad on here all the time, but its the only place i can go anymore. I have absoloutley NO friends except for the ones on here. I'm thankful for the ones i have here but its not the same as in person. I guess my question is, will this ever change? Will i ever find good friends since mine left m to hang out to dry and abandon me? Will i ever be happy again???lease someone help.

[Srbo]

It will and you will be happy again.
You MUST focus on the positive things in life, you MUST think good things.
Instead of thinking about everything that`s bad in your life, take a pen and paper and write down everything good. Like - do you have enough to eat? a place to stay? Internet? Access to books? You have us, so you are NOT alone, that`s not too bad for starters, is it now?
If our beloved John Dalglish would be still with us, he would tell you :
" Two men stared out of prison bars, one saw mud, the other saw stars."

Do the same.
All the best, my friend.

[Spideyman]

Life is a journey of changes. Yes, your life will change, you will find good/ true freinds, and yes you will be happy. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. I am 4 decades past your youth of 20. Life will look different to you as you go along your journey of living life. Remember too, there is no way to happiness, Happiness is the way. There will come a time when you will look back and smile over your concerns at age 20. Stay in the positive. With each step forward things will get better. We may be cyber friends, but we are still friends and care about you.

[Sepia and Dust]

Read Housman's When I was One-and-twenty (http://www.gale.cengage.com/free_resources/poets/poems/wheniwas.htm).

[Todash]

In real life, I am the friend who will tell you the truth when necessary. Never to be hurtful (that's just obnoxious), but when you need it. (And also if you ask me if X makes you look fat. Seriously, don't ask me that unless you want the truth either way. :biggrin2:) I am going to be that kind of friend now.

I would say that if you have had a friend or two abandon you, then that's just life and how it goes and such, and part of this could be age related; very few high school friends end up being forever friends, but at your age that can feel like a harsh reality. If all your real-life friends eventually abandon you, then there are a handful of possibilities.


Complete coincidence. This is a very remote, unlikely possibility. Very.
You really are completely surrounded by full-time *******s. This is also fairly unlikely. We're all asses some of the time, but not very many people are asses all of the time.
You are defining abandonment very narrowly. What do you mean by "they abandon you"? People get caught up in their own lives, especially as they become adults. This is normal and not necessarily a reflection on anyone but them. If you are calling and texting and they don't return your calls and texts, well, okay ... but if it's just that time goes by and no one calls you for a while, I wouldn't define that as abandonment.
You are subconsciously choosing "friends" you know will abandon you. Why would you do this? Because as bad as depression feels, you know it and are familiar with it. People tend to reproduce patterns in their lives, even the bad ones.
You establish relationships that seem promising in the beginning, with everyone involved fully intending to remain friends, but the relationships do not continue for some reason. If that is the case, it would be worthwhile to examine who leaves whom. If you are truly *always* the person being left, and if you didn't subconsciously choose people who would likely abandon you later, then the common denominator is you.

My guess is that you have a combination of factors going on. Only you can figure out precisely what those are, but here are a few questions to lead you to valuable conclusions.


How much effort do you put into genuinely being a good friend yourself?
How often do you do things for other people with no thought of being compensated for those things or that they somehow owe you?
What do you bring to a relationship as a friend? That is, how would someone else benefit by being your friend?
Is there anything about you that makes being your friend stressful or difficult beyond what is normal?
Are your friendships composed equally of give and take on both sides, not necessarily every minute, but over the long term?

I hope this helps. Because the only one who can answer your ultimate question--"Will this ever change?"--is you.

[Haunted]

You cannot depend on anyone else to make you happy. Change comes from within; and life never stays the same. Spidey, Srbo and Todash laid down for you wise and loving words; please take heed.

I'm praying on ya'.

[king family fan]

You must try. You thought of going to counselling perhaps? Hope to see you happy soon.!

[blunthead]

I'm 20 years old, currently unemployed and i suffer from severe depression. I dont mean to be sad on here all the time, but its the only place i can go anymore. I have absoloutley NO friends except for the ones on here. I'm thankful for the ones i have here but its not the same as in person. I guess my question is, will this ever change? Will i ever find good friends since mine left m to hang out to dry and abandon me? Will i ever be happy again???lease someone help.Dave, I want to encourage you. I know you believe you've been alive a long time, and you're correct, but at the same time a 20 year old man is a child. I know, I've done it more than once. You can safely look forward to many things happening in your life, good and bad, but one of them is that good people will come into it, and that some of them might stay. The ones that don't, learn why they didn't if you can. If you don't know it doesn't matter because life carries us forward and away from the past and its pain. And remember, there will always be mysteries.

Then, you can safely keep looking forward to more good people, because more will come and more will stay.

[atomicinchworm]

I suffer from really bad depression, and I'm an alcoholic. I'm not really practicing anymore, but once genetically inclined towards addiction, always genetically inclined towards addiction. When I was 20, I was living on my own and just about to loose my scholarship to a very expensive art school.

Look at Todash's post and take it seriously. She is always full of sage wisdom and awesome truthful advice. And seriously ask yourself those questions. To say she has saved my life at one time or another is probably not exaggerating.

I have a couple of pieces of advice to add:

Don't self medicate; it is destructive.

If you have had depression a while, go to a doctor and get that sh*t sorted out. (This is a big case of do what I say and not what I do, btw. However, once my insurance goes through, though, you better believe I'm getting out of this cycle. It's hard on my friends, it's really hard on my husband, and it's hard on me.)

The low lows pass. The cycle won't until you are proactive and do something about it.

[staropeace]

Dave, I have given you the only advice I am capable of, which is to change the way you think...be a bit more positive. You need to be on anti-depressants seems to me. I do not know if you take any of the board member's advice on here. I thought you were going to Nursing school? Maybe, I am wrong there.

Sometimes I wonder if your information is credible. You never seem to interact but just post about how depressed you are. Sorry if I sound a little skeptical and stuff.....I am a straight forward grumpy person who has little patience.....but very happy even if it is over small things....and SNOW.

[AnnaMarie]

I have a couple of pieces of advice to add:

Don't self medicate; it is destructive.

If you have had depression a while, go to a doctor and get that sh*t sorted out. (This is a big case of do what I say and not what I do, btw. However, once my insurance goes through, though, you better believe I'm getting out of this cycle. It's hard on my friends, it's really hard on my husband, and it's hard on me.)

The low lows pass. The cycle won't until you are proactive and do something about it.

Pay attention to this. It's very good advice.

Do not self-medicate.
Do see a doctor. And, I'll add.....make sure the doctor really understands where your head is at. Even doctors will sometimes write off depression as something like "the blues". Make sure the doctor understands this has been going on for awhile.

~~~~

sorry if you've posted this information elsewhere, or if it's something you don't wish to discuss.....have you talked to any family members about this? Maybe your mom, or sister, or someone, might be willing to go to the doctor with you to help advocate for you.

[GNTLGNT]

...OK, ya sked for it...here comes the Dad in me...time to stop with the whole "woe is me" tripe, and get yourself help, as many of us have told you countless times before my friend...the only one who can change your life is you...and I put my money where my mouth is...at age 51, I got help for a depressive disorder that I'd been denying for quite a long time...had to make that decision on my own-nobody else was gonna lead me there...and man, do I feel better for it...people are there to help-but they're not going to come looking for you young'un...get thee to a counselor NOW!.....

[Sepia and Dust]

I guess my question is, will this ever change? Will i ever find good friends since mine left m to hang out to dry and abandon me? Will i ever be happy again?


You're at that time of your life when everything you've known, everything you've come to expect, changes. Your school friends are leaving to pursue their new lives--college, career, family, maybe just finding themselves--and it seems like there's nobody left in the world you've always known. That's the way it should be.

Your world has moved on. You should move on with it. Friends, they say, are just family that you choose for yourself.

Now you have an entire brand new world of people to choose from. Choose wisely.

[if-so-Grrl]

Absolutely, things will change. But this is not a passive process; you're gonna have to do some work. And therein lies the trap that depression can become...because you don't really WANT to do anything.

You've gotten some great advice. I'll just add one thing, something I was told to do by a counselor when I was struggling mightily with depression... get a job. Yeah, I get it, the economy sucks. Take temp work if you must, it is usually easy to get. Take ANY job. It'll give you something to do, and I promise it will make a positive difference.

[fushingfeef]

Get counseling, see a doctor, get better. Don't give up. No one said life was easy. I was in a rough spot in my early 20's mentally and eventually worked out of it through counseling and meeting the right people. I'm worlds apart from the person I was in my early 20's now--thank goodness. You'll get through this.

[Sigmund]

Hi!

As some have suggested, I would try to get an anti-depressive. Preferably an SNRI. Specifically ask for an SNRI.
Talk therapy.
Get moving. If you aren't working or cannot find a job, volunteer. You have no idea how wonderful it feels to help others.

Only you can move you into action.

And I would rather not hear you reply, "Yes, but________" No, buts. Do it!

Peace.

[MadamMack]

Dave, I have given you the only advice I am capable of, which is to change the way you think...be a bit more positive. You need to be on anti-depressants seems to me. I do not know if you take any of the board member's advice on here. I thought you were going to Nursing school? Maybe, I am wrong there.

Sometimes I wonder if your information is credible. You never seem to interact but just post about how depressed you are. Sorry if I sound a little skeptical and stuff.....I am a straight forward grumpy person who has little patience.....but very happy even if it is over small things....and SNOW.

Ditto . . .

[kingricefan]

Hi!

As some have suggested, I would try to get an anti-depressive. Preferably an SNRI. Specifically ask for an SNRI.
Talk therapy.
Get moving. If you aren't working or cannot find a job, volunteer. You have no idea how wonderful it feels to help others.

Only you can move you into action.

And I would rather not hear you reply, "Yes, but________" No, buts. Do it!

Peace.

To quote Pee Wee Herman to Simone in Pee Wee's Big Adventure: 'Everyone I know has a big but.' And what Siggie said: DO IT!!!!

[hipmamajen]

20 is a hard age to be. Someone already said this, but I'm going to repeat it because it's important. Everything is changing, your friends are scattering off to college, getting married, and doing all sorts of other things, and you're not really still a kid, but you're not really necessarily plugged into whatever you're going to be doing as an adult yet. (Don't worry about that, I'm 42 and I still wonder what I'm going to do "when I grow up." You don't have to decide all that now, you just have to get busy doing SOMETHING.)

It's really easy at this point to feel lost and alone. And, once you feel that way, to start feeling like you'll never feel any other way. But, you still have lots of ways to get back to shore. First of all, like a lot of people have already said, get yourself some counseling. And, if they think you need it, get on some meds. A lot of communities have free or sliding scale mental health care available. I know I've used it on and off for myself. There's no shame in that.

Get a job, go to school, volunteer, do SOMETHING with yourself that involves a schedule and getting around other people. It seems REALLY REALLY hard to do when you're in the depths, so start small. You will feel a lot better about yourself once you get going. Many communities have homeless shelters and will take volunteer help to do just about anything. Serve meals to homeless people a few days and your life will start looking pretty good, at least that's what I've always found! Animal shelters will also generally take volunteers to "socialize" their dogs and kitties. You get to pet animals, and it makes them easier to get into homes, it's a win/win! Look for stuff like that. :)

(((((hugs)))))